I Get What I Focus on Most

It’s so easy in a day to start focusing on the things that seem to be not going so well.  It’s so easy to focus on something and start wrapping a little story of truth around whatever’s going on, to validate how you feel.  It’s so easy to allow something or someone to train you into a vibration of expectation about them.  It’s so easy to allow the what-isness to train your expectation. 

 I believe that it’s up to us to train ourselves differently.  To choose our focus, our mood, our attitude, rather than let what there is to observe, train our mood and attitude. 

 In a single day, there are so many things about Franki that I could focus on that I could consider as displeasing or unwanted.  She’s certainly doing things I don’t like and she is for sure expressing her independence, and vocalizing responses that I could label as “bold”.  I could focus on something and deem her inappropriate, I’m sure I could.  A little bit here and a little bit there and soon, I’m expecting her to behave in a certain way and every single time, she will; I’ll get what I expect.

But if I did that, it would be like going on Facebook and reading every single post even though I found it unpleasant, depressing, displeasing, or downright dumb.  I don’t do that.  I sift through what I want to read and choose the best-feeling posts.  Although all the posts are there, I have the ability to discern and choose what I’m going to focus on.    

There’s a whole array of things I could choose to focus on about Franki…it’s all there for me to observe.  But why not choose to see those things I love about her…there are plenty of times during the day that she’s cooperative, fun and playful.  She’s funny, smart and clever.  She’s loving and affectionate.  She’s observant and curious about her world.  She’s exuberant about life.  She’s eager about all things around her.  She delights at watching “Lightning the Queen” (Lightning McQueen) every single time she sees the movie, “Cars”…and she’s seen it plenty of times.  She rides her bike back and forth in the house joyfully and then takes it outdoors to explore some more.  Her world and her life is an adventure.  She’s happy, charming and joyful.  In fact, she’s more of all of that than she is what could be labeled as “defiant”, disruptive, or any other behavior of the sort.  But I could focus on what I don’t like, and see more of that too.  My description of her could be very different if I did.  The reason for that though, would be my focus.

Sure!  She has displays of emotion.  Sure! She’s not always happy.  Sure!  She likes to have what she wants.  But why would I allow any of those roles that she explores so temporarily train me into an expectation and see it as a problem or behavior that I must control, any more than would I go on Facebook and read every single thing I don’t like and then complain about it?

So I focus more on what I love about her and I raise my expectation about that.  I focus on how amazing she is as she explores her emotions and I stand in wonderment as she sorts it out. 

My child will reflect to me my expectations about her, every single time.  When there are so many things to love about her, why would I spend any more than a mili-second on anything other than what I love about her?

I Watch and I Learn

I watch my daughter; and I learn.

I learn how to explore my world, and to see things anew.

I watch her joy as she discovers what there is to discover around her; and I learn.

I learn what it is to be joyful.  Really joyful.

I watch as she ventures out into places she’s never been, confidently and with certainty; and I learn.

I learn what it is to be interested.  Really interested.

I watch as she plays her way through each and every day; and I learn.

I learn to be playful.  Really playful.

I watch as she expresses her emotions.  Fully; and I learn.

I learn what it is to feel, allowing myself to fully feel; Really feel.

I watch as she becomes captivated in the moment, oblivious to all else around her; and I learn.

I learn how to become present.  Really present.

I watch as she imagines, blurring lines between realities; and I learn.

I learn that there is no difference. Really no difference.

I watch as she shows me that there is no destination, there’s only a path; and I learn.

I learn that the path is joy.  And I’m on it.