When all-hell breaks loose...

When all-hell is breaking loose and all you really want to do is drink vodka and eat cupcakes for breakfast, who do you want to call?  No, not ghostbusters….well, maybe if it’s a ghost problem you’ve got…but really, who do you most want to talk to?  Who do you most want to be with?  Do you want to have a chit-chat with the one who’s going to join you in your misery and add even more stories of her own to yours which then the two of you can continue talking about how bad things are and will they ever get better?  Or….do you want to talk to that friend who is stable and sure and knows that no matter how it looks right now, it’s all going to be alright.  Not only is it going to be alright, it is alright.  Do you want to climb the mountain with the experienced climber who knows exactly what to do in every and any situation and exudes confidence about his abilities; and even if he doesn’t know, he is sure and stable enough that he knows that he can figure it out as it comes?  Or, would you prefer to climb the mountain with someone who’s never done it before, is a little frail and uncertain and seems weak in character?  I think I know who I’d want to climb the mountain with.  So when your life seems to be falling apart at the seams, your business is in the red, your kids are misbehavin’ and causing you strife, your friend is sick and you feel fat and it’s all happening at the same time, who are you going to call?  The one who’ll commiserate with you and add more energy to what’s going on, or the one who’ll soften the place you’re in and help you find your way to a better feeling perspective?  Are you going to get on the FB page or on the blog where people will tell all of their stories similar to yours so that you feel like you belong and keep regurgitating your story, or, tell your story only briefly to someone who will know that where you are and what you’re experiencing is very temporary and a very important part of where you’re going and what’s next for you?  Think about that the next time you want to talk about the “hell” that’s going on in your life….

Perspective

Perspective is an interesting thing.  Perspective is what determines how you feel; perspective is what determines how you view something or someone; perspective sets your mood and attitude.  Perspective is the difference between feeling good or feeling bad.  It’s not really the condition, or what you’re observing that makes you feel a certain way, it’s your perspective about it.  For instance, with Schatzchen having made his transition, the condition is what it is…he croaked.  So when I become aware of, or perceive that condition, what’s going to make the difference on how I feel is my perspective about it.  The perspective I choose will affect how I feel about the condition; it’s not really the condition that’s making me feel a certain way.  I may be perceiving that I must feel a certain way "because"……and I may be making up stories about the condition that make me feel a certain way, but it’s all my doing, with my choice of perspective about the condition.  If Schatzchen were still alive, but rather than be in my vicinity where I could observe him as being here, instead, he was gone somewhere with Jack.  I would feel fine or good knowing he was with Jack, but he wouldn’t be here…I couldn’t see him.  How is that different from him being dead and not being able to see him?  Either way, he’s not here.  One way, I know he’s not here, but I expect him to come home; I perceive his absence as temporary.  The other way, I know he’s not here and I don’t expect him to come back; I perceive his absence as permanent.  But in both examples, he’s not here.  What changes how I feel is my perception or my interpretation of the condition or situation.  Perspective is the difference between things getting better or things getting worse; things improving or not.  Perspective is the difference between having a good experience or a bad experience.  Perspective is the difference between a body that recovers and a body that doesn’t.  Perspective is the difference between your enjoyment of something or your dissatisfaction.  Perspective is the difference between something being for your benefit or your detriment.  Perspective is the difference between feeling your heart soar or feeling heartache.  Perspective is the difference between feeling free or feeling bound.  Perspective is the difference between living a good-feeling life or a not-so-good-feeling life.   A good-feeling perspective is not always immediately available to you, but you can find your way to it gradually if you want to.  You can look for ways to interpret something in a way that feels better.  You can look for things to appreciate rather than criticize.  You can look for the good in what-is rather than the bad.  You can love rather than hate, you can praise rather than condemn, you can uplift rather than slam, you can feel safe rather than fearful, you can feel stable rather than wavering, you can feel the perfection rather than the imperfection or the wrongness.  Perspective is something that you get to choose regardless of the conditions and you have the freedom to choose which perspective you’re going to take…. Perspective.  

Something to Consider

A few weeks ago, I was watching Franki play with little dollie and Jaguar and as these two were talking to each other, I heard little dollie say to Jaguar, “my finger hurts”.  I found it interesting because a few weeks before, I’d hurt my finger.  Children mimick what they see and hear and feel around them and they become versions of all of these until they make new decisions about who they want to be and how they want to feel and respond.  So as I think about this, I assume that dollie has told Jaguar that her finger hurts because Franki saw my injured finger, and when she had asked about it, I had told I’d hurt my finger.  I’ve also heard her say that her own knee hurts.  I wear a knee brace sometimes when I workout, and she has asked, “your knee hurts”?  And so, this observation has been “planted” into my awareness and I’m curious about it.  A few days later as Franki and I were taking a walk, it occurred to me that if you were to ask me if I had physical “ailments”, I would say, “my back, my knees and my stomach”.  Not that I would talk about them, and certainly not that they’re a big deal, but if I were asked, that’s likely what I would say.  Then I realized that these things that I would say were my “issues”, are the same ones I heard my parents either talk about, or I observed my parents having.  My father fell and broke his back and had a “bad back”, and he had a knee operation and would voice his discomfort about both his knees and his back.  I have many memories of my mother having stomach discomfort and “problems” any time I saw her.  She also had a “bad back” and experienced frequent back pain.  I’ve come to understand and believe that physical conditions are more about what you believe and expect than they are about heredity and that of course, whatever decisions or conclusions my parents have made only need be mine by choice and not by association.  Somehow, it never occurred to me until recently that these physical “ailments” that I’ve owned as mine may not really be “mine” in the sense that I just picked them up from my parents, observed and heard, and therefore established an unconscious belief and expectation, and through the path of least resistance allowed them to be present in my body just as they had/have been with my parents.  The idea may seem simplistic but I really believe that first, these “problems” only began because I witnessed them, and second, they’ve continued because of my attention to them.  I don’t know if I’m conveying how truly freeing this idea is…that these physical ailments aren’t necessarily “mine”, but instead, I experienced them only because I saw them and came to expect them whether I knew it or not.  And so now, this opens a whole new world to me…a whole new perspective from which to view these physical manifestations.  I never before made the association that my physical complaints were the identical ones I witnessed in my parents.  So once again, my desire is stronger than ever to be mindful of what I’m conveying to Franki and I’m even more aware of the ways in which my focus, and my beingness, is observed and translated by this little girl in my life.  Not only what I say and do, but who I be as observed and who I be as an energy being is interpreted by her.  I understand that Franki will mimick and may become similar to how I am and she may adopt some of my beliefs, but I never applied that concept to her interpreting and possibly mimicking and “owning” the same physical “complaints” (for lack of a better word) as I have, or as Jack has.  It was such a simple moment…Franki playing with little dollie and Jaguar, that spurred such an epiphany.  Having the realization about my bodily manifestations mirroring my parents’ has already transformed my attitude and expectation toward these physical manifestations and now I see that I can let them go…I don’t need to hold on to something that was mine only by association.  Really, really, good. 

How I respond to life becomes Franki’s example and can influence how she responds to life and what she comes to expect unless and until she decides differently.  But many of those things go unnoticed and unexamined as we move through time.  We often go through life without questioning our beliefs or expectations and simply see them as truth, or “as the way it is”.  I’m happy that as a result of observing our daughter, I had an opportunity to re-examine something and make a new decision about it. 

Franki and Schatz

It’s as if Franki and Schatzchen are communicating.  She knows there’s nothing to talk about…She and Schatzchen were great buddies, she rarely left him alone.  As we pulled in the driveway on our way home from our trip, Franki asked, “where’s Schatzchen”?  I was surprised she hadn’t asked about him before because he’s usually sitting in the car beside her.  I responded, “oh, he went to see his friends”.  Jack and I had already agreed that we would keep it simple and we would answer her questions honestly, but simply.  That answer satisfied her and we walked in the door and there were no more questions.  Franki is a very observant child…she notices slight differences in shoelaces on shoes that are otherwise identical; she notices Hoppy’s hair cut; she notices emblems on vehicles and how they match mommy’s car or daddy’s car, or Hoppy’s car.  She notices when I’ve placed something in a different location in the house, or if something is not where it usually is.  So when we entered the house, I expected she would notice and comment on Schatzchen’s missing table and food bowls; or where his bed, which usually lays in our living room was; and where had his bed gone that was in our bedroom?  But no….nothing.  She hasn’t even asked her usual question when she gets up in the morning , “where’s Schatzchen”?  It’s as if there are no questions to be asked; it’s as if there’s nothing to be grieved, nothing to be missed, nothing to look back upon.  It reminds me of when Zeiger, a dog I had with Schatzchen, was euthanized.  Once Zeiger had stopped breathing, Schatzchen sniffed him, and walked away.  No drama, no change in attitude, no moping around.  That was all he needed to know.  This situation seems similar and it makes me wonder what Franki knows and senses.   I know that suffering or grief is a human condition that we experience as a result of a perceived sense of loss, and Franki is still close enough to her knowing that there is no loss, no real separation between spirit and physical.  She hasn’t yet been trained to be aware of that separation so much and I sense that she knows that even though she can’t see Schatz, he’s still around.  I believe that as well, but certainly I am very much aware of his physical absence in my environment.  I’ve been trained to observe my reality – what I can see, hear, taste, touch and smell, and she still operates from imagination and blurs the lines between “reality” and imaginary.   And so, once again, our little girl is leading the way and demonstrating that there need not be sadness when a friend changes form and changes focus from one to another.  Schatzchen’s consciousness still is; he’s just not in the form that I’m accustomed to identifying as Schatzchen.  I believe that Franki knows that and that she and Schatzchen are conspiring to show me the way. 

I forever thank you....

I thought I had nothing to do with it, and I thought there had been a mistake when the breeder chose Schatzchen as a match for me.  At the time, I was under the false impression that he was not the dog I would have singled out to be mine.  But of course, it turned out that he was perfect for me.  And he has been since the day we came together 14 ½ years ago.   Schatzchen had this ease about him….like he knew that life was supposed to be good for him, and it was.  He knew that he didn’t have to earn or prove his way; that being was enough.  He basked in the sunshine, he reveled in a bee landing on a flower, he spent days chasing the chipmunks and the squirrels up a tree.  He ran after the ball with fervor.  He stuck his head out the window of the car at every opportunity.  Joy was evident in everything and anything.  He was eager about life…happy to be home, happy to ride in the car, happy to sit on the porch, happy to play ball, happy to lick the bottom of a caramel macchiato cup, happy to go to bed at night, happy to be awake and going outside for his morning pee…He taught me about how good life is; he taught me about happiness; he taught me to love with no ulterior motives; he taught me that well-being flows and I am deserving; he taught me that I was perfect as I am and that there was nothing to prove or earn; he taught me to relax, to bask, to take it all in, to let it all in.  He taught me about being present and being absorbed in the moment for all its worth.  He taught me that life is about feeling good and that there’s really nothing more complicated to it than that.  We often had talks together, he and I, and he, in his wise and regal way would show me the way.  He would make light of my worries and soothe my tears, all the while saying, “come this way, come this way”… He gifted me with many hours and days of pleasure and joy as I would partake in his adventures.  In every moment there was adventure to be had, something to be explored and discovered and joy to be felt…in every moment.  Life with Schatzchen was meaningful, rich and rewarding and I am a better human as a result.  He taught me this not because he wanted to show me the err of my ways, but simply by the clarity of who he was.  He led the way, and I followed…and so I ask… who was the master???  All of this I know, because of a dog named Schatzchen.  I forever thank you....

To Schatz....

The house is quiet without him; although there were many times it would be hard to know he was even around, especially lately, it’s different without him.  The places where his bed laid and the spot where we had his bowls….

I didn’t know how I would feel when Schatzchen, our beloved dog, decided it was time for him to go, and I had a feeling that when Franki and I left for 10 days, that when we said goodbye to him, it would be the last.  When I got a text message from Jack one morning asking me to call him, I knew what he was about to tell me.  Even though I knew Schatz would one day move on to new adventures, and even though he lived a full life and was 14 ½, and there were signs indicating that he would soon make his transition, the finality of his departure still lingers.  Having Schatzchen around just felt good.  There was hardly a time when he wasn’t with us, no matter where we went.  And so now, the house feels different; it feels quieter somehow, like there’s space to be filled.  And even though I know that I can still talk to him and he’s not ever really “gone”, not being able to see him, and not being able to stroke his ears in the way that he enjoyed, and not having him be in the car, or hearing his contented sighs, or the sound of his nails on the floor, or throwing the ball for him…not experiencing him in his usual physical form makes me so aware of his absence.  He was the best dog I’ve ever had, a great companion, a great playmate, a soother and an uplifter, and a teacher.  I miss him, yes I do, and I wish I could bring him back and I wish he could have lived forever.  I think he planned for Franki and I to be away.  I think he knew it was time.  I think I was inspired to take a trip with Franki at this time, and I think Schatzchen knew it would be easiest for us that way.  The perfect goodbye was not to say goodbye at all…..

Too many details???

Have you ever found yourself talk yourself right out of doing something that just a few seconds ago, you were so excited about doing?  Well, that just happened to me.  Here’s what I did….As I was sitting outside enjoying the beautiful day, the warmth of the sun, the sound of the wind moving through the trees, feeling relaxed and happy, a really good-feeling idea of Franki and I going to visit my brother and his girlfriend in Arizona popped into my head.   So I texted them with my self-invitation and between the time that I texted, and the time they responded with a yes, I had pretty much talked myself right out of going.  Rather than hold to the good-feeling place I had when I initially had the thought of going and the fun and adventure of it, I allowed myself to focus on the details and controlling the conditions.  I started thinking about what time would be best to fly and how would the time change affect Franki, and how early would she get up once we got there, and would she sleep well and where would she sleep….would I have to order a portable bed and have it delivered to my brother’s place; should I bring books for her, if so, which ones?  Should I bring her stuffed animals so that she has some familiar things around her?  If so, which ones and how many?  Can I bring sippy cups on the plane?  And what snacks do I need to bring?  What would Franki be like on the flight….she’s never flown before…???  And what about a car seat….where would I rent one from because I’d rather not bring ours.  Will the time difference mess up her “schedule”?  Will it mess up my schedule?  What will it be like moving through the airport with a toddler?  And then I had the thought, “plenty of people do it, why would it be so difficult for me”.  Then I wondered if I should bring diapers, or just buy them once I got there and what clients will I need to re-schedule because of the time difference and then I thought about how much I like home and that it’s nice to be home with my own stuff and knowing the “routine” and sleeping in my own bed and well…. maybe we don’t really need to go to Arizona right now…we can go some other time. 

Does any of this sound familiar?  There are a couple of points I’d like to make about this.  The first being that I could have just waited to take the action to text them and instead, basked in the good feelings I was having within the idea of going.  But, I felt compelled to invite ourselves, the idea completely inspired, and when I get those ideas with initially “no garbage” wrapped around them, I know that’s an indication of an impulse that’s a really good idea.  The second point is that I did what I can have a tendency of doing, which is to try to figure things out, rather than just let the feeling of it be my guide.  What I mean by that is rather than just bask in that initial inspired good-feeling place of how much fun it would be, I started trying to figure out how it would all come about; how it would all work; would it all work; when would be the appropriate time to go.  I was considering the how’s and when’s and what’s when I wasn’t quite ready yet; too many specifics too soon.  I was operating under the false assumption that by addressing any possible detail, I could figure it all out and make it all go well and manage the unfolding of it.  But the thing is, that’s really backwards creation and the more details I considered, the worse I felt…which was my indicator that I was directing my focus in a way that was not at all aligned with my initial desire to go on this trip.  In fact, immersing myself in the details was more aligned with not going…the exact opposite of my desire. 

So what am I saying?  Am I saying I shouldn’t have considered those details?  No, I’m not saying that at all.  What I am saying is that the more I focus on the initial feeling I had when I had the idea and just stay with that feeling and let anything come into my imagination that matches that feeling, the more I’ll be inspired to the details of it all.  I’ll be inspired to make the flight at the perfect time that will work best for us; I’ll be inspired to bring the clothes or the toys that will be just right for Franki; I’ll easily soothe any discomfort I have around the idea of the travel because I will have practiced the good-feeling place of the idea I had.  That good-feeling place will dominate and then inspirations from that place will come for the appropriate actions to take and details to fall into place.  We’ll easily arrive at, and move through the airport.  We’ll meet wonderful, friendly happy people along the way.  It’ll be fun to take a first plane ride with Franki…and she’s already so fascinated by planes.  And she loves people and people love her and kids are so flexible in the first place, all of that stuff I’m considering that I think is important will likely not make any difference to her and we’re going to have so much fun with Auntie Em and Uncle Dan and we’ll swim and play in the pool and we’ll go to the playground and we’ll take walks and we’ll have pajama parties and bed times and waking up times won’t matter because we’re going to be on vacation and maybe we’ll go for little hikes and maybe mommy will get to drink a prickly pear margarita…  (heehee)…  Did that last little rampage feel good, or what?!?  By focusing on the feeling, I ran with it, and was able to draw more and more thoughts that were aligned with my desire to go and all of that stuff that I had been considering now seems irrelevant.  Now, the only thing that feels relevant is how much fun it’s going to be and let’s go!  So now, my “work” is stay in that feeling place, rather than get off course and get too caught up in the not-so-good-feeling details.  If I do find myself exploring the details and I find that it doesn’t feel so good, I know in the moment that again, I’m getting too specific and if I can just back off and get a little more general in thought as in, “it’ll all work out.  There are plenty of flights available.  It doesn’t really matter what day we pick or what time; Franki goes with the flow and I can go with the flow and I don’t have to have it all figured out right now, things always work out for me”.

It may not seem important or even relevant to soothe your emotions and it may seem more essential to focus on those details (because that’s what we’ve been taught to do) even if it doesn’t feel good to do it, but your emotions are always indicating to you which way you’re focused….whether aligned with your desire, or in opposition to it.  So when you find yourself getting really specific, like I did, and it doesn’t feel good, find a way to focus in a more general way, find a way to soothe that discomfort you’re feeling, not only because feeling good feels better, but also because it’ll make things unfold in a more pleasing way as they do unfold.  And it’s not about telling yourself the things that sound good, or sound positive, it’s about really feeling the direction you’re taking your thoughts into.  Your thoughts create and your emotions indicate which direction you’re creating in, and the better you feel, the more you’re accessing the powers of the Universe to assist you in all of that planning and all of those details while you have more fun along the way.