Just Another Day or...The Best Day of My Life?

A few weeks ago, Franki and I were in the car and the name of a song was displayed on my monitor.  The title of it was, “Just Another Day”.  Without listening to the song, the title of it had me pursuing a trail of thoughts about what “just another day” means to me. 

 Did it mean, “oh, hum, just another day?”  Or, did it mean, “just another day in a lifetime full of awesome days?”  Just another day as in, “every day is a revelation full of awesomeness, so this is just another one of those.” 

Is my expectation of things always going well; is my expectation of discovery; is my expectation of flow and ease so stable and sure that “just another day” represents to me the probability of another day just like yesterday – which means a day sprinkled and filled with good-feeling moments and rendezvous with inspiration and creativity, satisfaction and pride, contentment and bliss, life flowing to me and through me, desire expanding and variety always present?

Right on the heels of “Just Another Day”, “The Best Day of My Life” was the very next song to be displayed. 

I chuckled because it matched perfectly what I was contemplating.

That led me to explore what “The Best Day of My Life” means to me.  What that means to me is having moments of joy and moments of bliss, and moments of pride and moments of thrill and excitement.  It means having moments of creative juices flowing, moments of ease and moments of variety.  It means a day filled with moments of appreciation and awe and wonderment.  It means a day sprinkled with moments of fascination and fun.  “The Best Day of My Life” represents to me a day-filled with rendezvous of good-feeling moments, not necessarily specifically defined by me in advance, but felt in advance and in the moments of it playing out.  It means to me an overall expectation of things going well, and the ability to choose throughout my day which perspective feels better as I revel in the perfection of my moments, my day, my life. 

All I’ve got is now.  I don’t have yesterday and I don’t have tomorrow.  I don’t even have 5 minutes from now because I perceive and feel now. 

My conclusion? “Just Another Day” and “The Best Day of My Life” are synonymous.  Today is just another day, and today is also “The Best Day of My Life” because I define just another day in the same way as I would describe what I believe the best day of my life to be.  The essence of both is identical.   

Now it’s your turn….what does it mean to you?

It's Cold Outside...Please Put Your Coat On

My kid’s teacher just called from school.  “It’s cold out, and Franki won’t put her coat on.  I’ve tried everything.  I’ve told her that she was just sick and that she doesn’t want to get sick again.  I’ve told her that if she doesn’t put her coat on, she’ll get sick.  I’ve told her all of the other kids have their coat on, so she should put hers on.”

My response to the teacher, “Let her figure it out.  If she decides she’s cold, she’ll put her coat on, unless you tell her she needs to enough that she’ll defiantly not put her coat on because she was doggedly told what to do.”

My child needs to figure things out for herself.  My child knows what to do.  My child knows that she was born with guidance.  My child wants to make her own decisions; no matter what.  My child wants to be in control of her reality.  My child is extremely cooperative.  My child is an extremely joyful child.  My child does not like to be told what to do.  If it’s her idea, she’s good; if it’s not her idea, and she doesn’t like the idea, the more anyone tries to convince her that their way is the right way, or the accepted way, or the appropriate way the less she’s convinced and the more she does the very opposite of what was suggested. 

Don’t we all just want to figure it out for ourselves?  Don’t we feel such pride and sense of empowerment when we’ve come to a conclusion, or made a decision that felt good to us without someone else telling us what to do? 

I know that the teacher wants to be responsible.  I know that the teacher believes she’s doing what’s best for my child.  I know that the teacher is well-meaning.  I know that the teacher is used to having a child do what she says.  I know that she’s of the belief, as many adults are, that the oldest one in the room knows best.  I know that she believes that Franki will get a cold from being outside without a coat on.  I know that she has people to answer to at the school.  I appreciate her calling me for suggestions about how to get my child to do what she wants her to do and what she feels is best for my child. 

While I could have a discussion with Franki when she comes home about the rightness or wrongness of her behavior; while I could suggest that she needs to do what the teacher asks or tells her to do; while I could try to bring home the point that it’s good practice to wear a coat when it’s cold; I could…but I’m not going to do any of that. 

While I want Franki and her teachers to have a harmonic experience, I’m not going to ask Franki to tow the line and do something, anything, that she’s not lined up with doing – no matter who asks her to do it.  I want for her to realize and know that she’s free to choose how she wants to feel.  She can feel and be defiant, or, she can still choose to do or behave as she’s going to, and feel her freedom.  She can also choose to do what’s being requested, and feel free.  She is free, and not everyone around her knows what’s best for her.  They come with their own beliefs and life experiences that have made them draw conclusions.  I prefer if my child draws her own.  She’ll acclimate to some thought forms around her and she’ll adopt premises from others, but what I want her to always come around to, is choosing what feels best to her, regardless of what others may want from her, or may believe or may think they need from her or what they think is best for her. 

I want the teacher and Franki to sort this out, however it plays out.  Franki is the creator of her own reality, and I’m not under any false illusions that it’s my job to handle that for her.  Franki may not be what they’re accustomed to; I know for sure that if they care to, they have much to learn from her – about freedom, about joy, about following their guidance.  She shows me that, more than anyone in my experience, every day.  Does she ruffle feathers because she chooses what she wants above what others want from her or ask of her?  Absolutely!  Am I going to “wrong” her for that and tell her she’s being inappropriate?  Absolutely not.  I want my child to live a good life and to be able to get along in the world, but not at the expense of her guidance. 

Franki will think about this experience.  She’ll sort this out and she’ll decide what she wants to do.  If she’s not pushed into doing something, she’ll willingly decide what’s best for her. 

I know that the world has “consequences” for actions and choices.  I want Franki to choose and experience the results herself.  That way, she feels empowered.  She gets to choose and decide, exercising her freedom to be independent and individual. 

We’re all born knowing this about ourselves.  To what extent are we bending to accommodate and please others for the sake of being accepted or loved or receiving someone else’s approval? 

I’m extremely proud of my little girl…little girl she may be, but also knowing that she creates her own reality and determined to do so, every step along the way.  Whether she wears her coat or not is irrelevant to me; this is a contrasting experience for her where she gets to decide what she’s going to do and how she’s going to respond emotionally. 

 

For that, I’m very happy. 

 

 

My Vow Still Holds True

“Trying to hold on to any relationship as it was, keeps you from the joyous adventure of what it can become.” Abraham-Hicks

Nine years ago today, Jack and I married on a beautiful fall day amongst the crimson, yellow and orange foliage that embraced us with its splendor. The lady who married us, Misha, was as beautiful and colorful as our surroundings, dressed in traditional robes from her country.  An intimate group of family members and friends joined us in celebrating our union, as we exchanged our vows with each other.  I vowed to honor and obey Jack, fulfilling his every request, and to serve him breakfast while being scantily adorned in clothing.  ….....

Well, that wasn’t quite what I vowed, but I did make a commitment to him, and to myself.  (my wedding vows to Jack are below this blog, if you would like to read them).

Our wedding was simple and easy from the planning process straight through to the ceremony and beyond.  Family and friends began arriving at our home around 4:30 in the afternoon and Jack and I mingled amongst them.  At 5:50, I went upstairs to change out of my jeans and into my dress and re-joined the group at 6:10; fifty guests perched on our front porch, silent and still, respecting the exchange that was about to begin; Jack waiting below on the sidewalk, for me to stand next to him. 

The memory of that day activates within me a knowing and a certainty and a love that I felt so purely and unconditionally.  It keeps me, not held in the past and wishing it was again, but eagerly grounded in what we have now, and what we continue to become as individuals, as a couple, and now as a family with Franki in our mix.    

There are things we used to say and do for each other that we no longer do.  Those have been replaced with other things that we now say and do.  Some of our priorities have changed, our desires continue to evolve and the temperature of our relationship modifies as we navigate through our lives.

Things aren’t meant to stay the same; we can’t help but expand as human beings.  Sometimes I go willingly, and sometimes…not so much.  But what creates discomfort within me is if I hold to some illusion of the past or how we were “back then” and make a comparison to now, rather than appreciate what we’ve become. 

 

As I hold on to whatever was, I’m not embracing or allowing all that our relationship can evolve into.

I want to continue exploring the depths and breaths of our relationship and of each other.  I want to use my individual freedom to fuel my desire to evolve and to continually re-commit to this man as he changes and becomes.  And now, with Franki in the mix, I see that I make the same commitment to her, (except for the lust part) ;) as I did to Jack.  What I vowed to Jack and to myself nine years ago still holds true for me; maybe truer than ever before.

 

 

Here are my wedding vows to Jack....

Jack,

 My wedding present to you is not something tangible or material.  My wedding present to you is me – all of me – my light and my dark, my past and my present; my magnificence and my fears, my brilliance and my negativity.  I give you all of me, for it is in this space that I choose to create with you.  Create a life of passion, filled with creativity, love and joy.  A life of vision, clarity, peace and certainty.  A life of courage, trust, ….. and deep faith.  I support you in all that you are, all that you do.  I support you in achieving your goals, following your heart and soul’s passion and living the life of your dreams.  I am committed to your growth as much as I am committed to my own.  I am committed to us, to our vision and to creating a life exactly as we imagine it to be.  I offer you my heart, I offer you my soul.  I offer you freedom…to be.  I am here to reflect all of who you are and to be all of who I am.  I promise to enhance my own self-esteem every day – to honor and to love myself every day; to create space for you to do the same.  My commitment to you is to take care of myself…to want you, not need you.  I shall not obsess over you.  I love and lust you.  My commitment to me is to be selfish.  My commitment to you is to honor your selfishness.

 When our eyes first locked, I knew I knew you, I remembered you.  My soul recognized your soul from the past.  I am blessed to have reunited with you.  We have another lifetime to re-create and re-define who we are on this journey together.  It is my honor and my privilege to know you, to share my life with you and to have you share your life with mine.  It is my honor to support you and to challenge you; I shall treat my role with utmost respect and reverence.

When I look at you, I see this amazing soul who is deeply connected and plugged-in; one who searches for answers and for truths.  One who searches for illusions to be revealed, while appreciating the illusion of it all.  I see a kind soul.  I see a compassionate soul, a reflective soul.  I see balance.  I see a playful and young soul; one who loves humor and laughter.  I see a soul who easily transforms in the moment to who he needs to be.  One who easily and effortlessly connects with others of all ages, race, and background.  I see a soul who is creative and intelligent.

 In you I see all of this as you are a reflection of me.  As we stand separately, we are one.  Our power comes from inner strength.  With this inner strength, we create a truly powerful relationship.  With this inner strength, we create a space that allows for growth – for who we are now, who we need to be, and who we aspire to be – separately and united.  I shall not limit you.  There is no condition that makes it ok for us to stay together.  I do not desire to cause you to be less in your expression of yourself.  Fuel the engine of your experience – the experience of who you really are and choose to be.  I support you to live authentically, to live your truth.  I not only love you in spite of what you imagine your faults to be, I love you because of them. 

 This….is my gift to you, my vow to you in our spiritual union.  I am all that there is, and all that there is not, and I share this freely…and openly…with you.

 

Christine

What If, the Destination is Now?

My blog post from last week, “There’s Always a Higher Speed Limit” received a lot of comments.  Below, I’d like to share one of those that one of my readers (and friend) wrote:

Reading through your speed limit story reminded me of my dad.  I used to love riding in the car with him and I would always ask him to pass every car on the highway so that we could finish first.  He kept doing that, but there was always a car in front of us especially when he was speeding up.  So after about a half hour of this ghost-chasing, he started asking me if I noticed the landmarks that we were zooming by on the Autobahn.  I kept saying, “nope, nope, nope.”  He finally said to me, “life’s just like our drive.  The more you’re trying to finish first/better/richer/prettier/more attractive/younger etc., the more you come across someone who has already been where you are, but in the process of trying to become all these things, you miss the fact that there is no destination or finish line.  All there is, is living and enjoying.”  So this was a life lesson to me from my dad who passed away when he was younger than me 26 years ago and your blog story inspired me yet again to think of him and honor him in my mind and in my heart.

DK

There’s such wisdom in this beautiful story.  Many of us are in constant pursuit of something…wealth, happiness, a mate, a better or newer car, a raise, a job, a business, more business, a slimmer or fitter body, better health, lost youth, and while improvement and wanting more or wanting change are in our nature as human beings, what if there is no finish line?  What if there is no destination in the way that we’ve come to know it?  What if there’s no hurry to get there?  What if there is no “there” at all?  What if the point of living life is not to get there, or to check off a list of accomplishments under your belt, but rather, to birth desires to flow your energy toward, to breathe life into you, and to receive pure enjoyment from where you stand right now, always on your way to more?  The point isn’t to get it all done, the point is to enjoy the ride along the way because you’re always going to be moving toward something more – some improvement, some change, some more.

I used to think that life was about getting to the finish line.  I used to think that the more I got done the worthier I was.  I used to think that the more productive and accomplished I was the more I’d earned some stars on the chart.

I like getting things done.  I like checking items off my list of things to do today (although I’m not so much about making lists anymore).  I like feeling productive.  But what I enjoy the most is the process on my way. The finished product or the end result is lovely and often inspires great appreciation from me, but it was the fun along the way, the flowing of that energy, that was the most fulfilling of all. 

We recently took a mini-vacation.  The funnest parts were planning it in advance, anticipating its arrival and then enjoying the meaningful and fun moments as we experienced our adventures together.  The funnest part wasn’t “getting it done”.  So it wasn’t the destination that brought me the most pleasure, it was the process.

What if, what makes life meaningful are just a series of meaningful moments? 

 

What if, what makes a happy life is just a series of happy moments?

 

What if life has never been about getting there, or getting it done, or hurrying through something as if where you are is not an important step along the way to where you’re going? 

How many times have you wished that something were different than it is now?  How many times do you just want to skip right over what you’re living now, to get to somewhere else?  How many times do you just wish you were somewhere else, doing something else?  What if now is all you’ve got?  What if, the destination isn’t some far-off end result or not-yet-accomplished goal or desire, but rather, the destination is right here, right now?  Because now…is all you’ve got. 

 

I love receiving comments from my readers and hearing how what I write might inspire a memory, spur a thought, crack a smile, grab a chuckle, invite some clarity, entertain, offer some insight, or summon introspection.  So please, whenever you feel inspired, I’d love your comments.

There's Always a Higher Speed Limit

“Wow, I’m older than the number on that sign”, was the thought I had when I drove by a speed limit sign this morning.  The number was 45.  It’s my birthday today, so I guess numbers are higher in my awareness today. Then I thought, “well, there’s always a speed limit with a higher number.”

 I’d like to say that moving through time is irrelevant to me and that I don’t care how old I am, or that I haven’t been affected by what I’ve observed as people age; but I do care and an image has been imprinted.

 I’m now at the age my parents were when I thought they were old.  While I don’t think I’m old in the way that I thought my parents were, and I sorta kinda consider myself young’ish, I also recognize and acknowledge that I’m not 20 something or even 30 something either. 

 So I’m not the 20 or 30 something, I’m the 40 something sliding into the 50 something and what does that mean to me?  I see my reflection in the mirror.  It’s still me looking back at me, but there are subtle changes that seem oh-not-so-subtle to me.  I can’t stop the passage of time, although sometimes I think I’d like to.  Sometimes I think I’d like to freeze-frame everything and keep Franki at this age and myself at this age and hold time still; but I can’t.  Sometimes I want to hold on tightly so that nothing and no one in my life gets older and everything stays the same.  And then I let go…I loosen my grip, I breathe more deeply and I remember that I’ve just had a temporary moment of fear of the unknown.

 When I was about 7 years of age, my 70’ish grandfather came to live with us.  The way I saw him then is how I still remember him most.  I felt somewhat confused and somewhat disgusted at the way he was.  He would drag his feet and pee his pants and make little sense when he spoke.  But he had this sparkle in his eyes every now and then.  I knew for sure I liked that sparkle, and I also knew for sure that I didn’t want to be like him when I got old.

There are things to sift through.  How do I want to define my movement through time?  What do I want my experience to be?  Are there things I consider “inevitable” as I move through time?  Have I, or am I, accepting what I’ve observed in others as my fate just because it appears to be reality?  How do I talk about it and think about it now and are there ways in which I can redefine and change and shift my beliefs and expectations about my personal experience?

 I know that as I continue to move through time, I’ll continue to ask those questions, not accepting some pre-determined definition that I or others have defined, but consciously choosing what I prefer instead, and aligning my beliefs with that.

 I also know that I as I continue to move through time, there’ll always be a speed limit sign with a number higher than my age.  When I get to 99, I’ll go to Canada where the speed limit on the 401 highway is 100 kmh.  ;)

I Get What I Focus on Most

It’s so easy in a day to start focusing on the things that seem to be not going so well.  It’s so easy to focus on something and start wrapping a little story of truth around whatever’s going on, to validate how you feel.  It’s so easy to allow something or someone to train you into a vibration of expectation about them.  It’s so easy to allow the what-isness to train your expectation. 

 I believe that it’s up to us to train ourselves differently.  To choose our focus, our mood, our attitude, rather than let what there is to observe, train our mood and attitude. 

 In a single day, there are so many things about Franki that I could focus on that I could consider as displeasing or unwanted.  She’s certainly doing things I don’t like and she is for sure expressing her independence, and vocalizing responses that I could label as “bold”.  I could focus on something and deem her inappropriate, I’m sure I could.  A little bit here and a little bit there and soon, I’m expecting her to behave in a certain way and every single time, she will; I’ll get what I expect.

But if I did that, it would be like going on Facebook and reading every single post even though I found it unpleasant, depressing, displeasing, or downright dumb.  I don’t do that.  I sift through what I want to read and choose the best-feeling posts.  Although all the posts are there, I have the ability to discern and choose what I’m going to focus on.    

There’s a whole array of things I could choose to focus on about Franki…it’s all there for me to observe.  But why not choose to see those things I love about her…there are plenty of times during the day that she’s cooperative, fun and playful.  She’s funny, smart and clever.  She’s loving and affectionate.  She’s observant and curious about her world.  She’s exuberant about life.  She’s eager about all things around her.  She delights at watching “Lightning the Queen” (Lightning McQueen) every single time she sees the movie, “Cars”…and she’s seen it plenty of times.  She rides her bike back and forth in the house joyfully and then takes it outdoors to explore some more.  Her world and her life is an adventure.  She’s happy, charming and joyful.  In fact, she’s more of all of that than she is what could be labeled as “defiant”, disruptive, or any other behavior of the sort.  But I could focus on what I don’t like, and see more of that too.  My description of her could be very different if I did.  The reason for that though, would be my focus.

Sure!  She has displays of emotion.  Sure! She’s not always happy.  Sure!  She likes to have what she wants.  But why would I allow any of those roles that she explores so temporarily train me into an expectation and see it as a problem or behavior that I must control, any more than would I go on Facebook and read every single thing I don’t like and then complain about it?

So I focus more on what I love about her and I raise my expectation about that.  I focus on how amazing she is as she explores her emotions and I stand in wonderment as she sorts it out. 

My child will reflect to me my expectations about her, every single time.  When there are so many things to love about her, why would I spend any more than a mili-second on anything other than what I love about her?

I Watch and I Learn

I watch my daughter; and I learn.

I learn how to explore my world, and to see things anew.

I watch her joy as she discovers what there is to discover around her; and I learn.

I learn what it is to be joyful.  Really joyful.

I watch as she ventures out into places she’s never been, confidently and with certainty; and I learn.

I learn what it is to be interested.  Really interested.

I watch as she plays her way through each and every day; and I learn.

I learn to be playful.  Really playful.

I watch as she expresses her emotions.  Fully; and I learn.

I learn what it is to feel, allowing myself to fully feel; Really feel.

I watch as she becomes captivated in the moment, oblivious to all else around her; and I learn.

I learn how to become present.  Really present.

I watch as she imagines, blurring lines between realities; and I learn.

I learn that there is no difference. Really no difference.

I watch as she shows me that there is no destination, there’s only a path; and I learn.

I learn that the path is joy.  And I’m on it.