Can I get in now, mommy?

I’ve assumed that Franki’s lack of understanding or lack of comprehension that sometimes there’s a “wait” time or a lag time between her asking for something and her receiving it was due to her age and stage of development….until today.  As she repeatedly asked, “can I get in now, mommy?  …. Now, mommy?.....Now, mommy?” when referring to whether she could get in the tub or not, I suddenly wondered if the misunderstanding wasn’t mine, rather than hers.  Maybe she understands it the way it really is; afterall, she’s closer to her knowing and closer to Source from her perspective…in other words, she hasn’t been trained to think or believe differently and hasn’t been socialized to expect things to take awhile, or to take time, or to manifest before her eyes before she believes it, or even not to expect to get what she wants.  She always expects to get what she wants…she doggedly stays focused on her desire, even if she hears me say something that would contradict her desire or indicate that she’s not going to get what she wants.  It’s as if she doesn’t even hear me.  One could interpret that as meaning that she’s stubborn, defiant or not listening to me, but I have to wonder about all of those things.  I think those “labels” are placed on children (and people in general) when they (the people who we’re addressing) aren’t doing what we want them to do.  “So if you’re not going to please me or do as I say because you don’t want to, you’re stubborn”; or, “you’re defying me because you’re not doing as I told you”.  Why would they if they’re being ordered to do something they don’t want to do?  Do you like being told what to do?!?  Anyway, the point is, maybe there’s more to consider about the idea that “children just don’t understand the concept of time” or that they’re “impatient”.  Maybe they know something we don’t; or rather, something that we knew when we were younger and have been trained away from or forgotten over time……  That you should expect to get what you want, and that it’s immediate….maybe not in the sense that we’ve come to translate manifestation as in “I see it, touch it and its tangible”.  They understand that manifestation occurs as immediately as the desire is born.  Source answers and revels in the desire and the emotion that you feel is the manifestation and you don’t have to wait for the “thing” to happen to have the manifestation….you can feel it now. 

I’m not always in the place or the space to take that perspective when I’m hearing “I want this now, I want this now, I want this now”, simultaneously on this and this and this request…but….when I’m not in the middle of the frenzy, I can reach for that perspective more and more and make it more and more a part of my awareness, and over time, those “frenzied” moments will be met with more understanding than interpreting that my child is impatient or lacks understanding.  Once again, Franki has made me re-think what I thought to be “truth”.  

Controlling the details or Feeling Good?

I like it when things go well for me.  I like it when things are “just the way I want them”.  I like it when things please me.  So does that mean that I have to think ahead, plan, control, and pay attention to every little detail that might come about so that I can have a good experience?  If things don’t go the way I want them to, or if things appear like they’re not going the way I prefer, does that mean that I can’t feel good anyway?  Does the condition have to determine how I feel, or can I feel how I want to feel regardless of the condition?  Well, I just gave myself a really good example of that recently.  When I was planning a trip just a few weeks ago, I wanted the flights to be direct, I wanted them to be within a certain window of time, I wanted sleeping arrangements a certain way, I wanted particular foods and snacks to take along, I wondered how the airport experience was going to be, I wondered when Franki would nap, I wondered what it would be like to wake her up in the middle of the night to take her to the airport, I wondered how she would sleep while being away from home, I even wondered what the weather would be like…. Do you see the “torture” I was putting myself through all in an effort to be a “good and responsible mom”, to control the conditions and have them be “just right”, so that I felt in control of my situation, implying that if things were just right, I would feel good and have a better experience; all of it under the false premise that the only way I could feel good and have a good experience was if things were just the way I wanted them which would equal easier for me, less stress and therefore, feel good.  All of the attention to detail was because I wanted to avoid anything that might not fit under the category of “likes”, avoiding any possible discomfort, and all because I’d forgotten that the only thing I can control…is how I feel.  I was trying to control the conditions rather than choosing how I feel and making how I feel a priority.   All of that attention to detail and desire to foresee or control any possible situation is pretty darn exhausting to say the least and no matter what I did to make sure everything went well, if I was feeling anything other than good, the outcome(s) would only reflect how I was feeling.  I could have planned the perfect-in-my-world itinerary, with the perfect conditions, with all of the things I like to eat, see and do, and with all of the things that Franki likes to eat, see and do, and if I was feeling off in any way, all of that planning would have gone up in smoke because I can only have my experience reflect back to me how I’m really feeling.  Once I realized that I was trying to control the conditions to avoid any type of emotional upset or discomfort, I eased up a little, felt the relief and I came back into the knowing that no matter how it all went, I still had control of how I would respond to whatever situation or circumstance we were in.  Things happen; life happens and my response or reaction to them is my choice and under my control.  I was backwards creating…trying to control the conditions to affect a feeling response, rather than choosing how I wanted to feel and allowing the Universe to match the circumstances and events to how I was choosing to feel.  It occurred to me as well that Franki wasn’t caught up in the details.  Kids in general are just more flexible; they’re not looking for trouble and they’re not so conditional.  They mostly just go with it and find the fun wherever and however it is, whereas I was trying to somehow construct the conditions so that the fun could be had.  Ohhhhhhhh…..I get it…..!  You mean that stuff that I coach people on, I have to apply it too?!?   ;)

The thing is, things can still work out pretty well for me if I don’t hold to the idea that anything really has to go down in a particular way.  Here’s another example…our flight home departed at 7:00 am.  I had planned on being at the airport for around 5:30’ish.  Instead, we arrived at the airport at 6:00 am.  I could feel myself getting a little upset and flustered at the time that we got there vs. the time I’d planned, and wondering if we’d make it through security and to the gate on time etc.  As I noticed these thoughts coming up, I did my best to replace those pesky not-so-good-feeling inducing thoughts to ones that felt better and were more general and in-line with what I know to be true for me and what I preferred, like, “things are always working out for me. It’s all good.  I’m sure we can get through here quickly.  Franki’s such a good little traveler and I know she wants to see her daddy and her intentions are so strong that I’m sure we’ll make our flight in just the perfect time.  So what if we didn’t get here “on time”, maybe this is the perfect time to get here and I did prefer to have a shorter wait than a longer wait to board, so maybe this is working out afterall”.  I repeated those things to myself and felt myself relax and if/when I found myself getting all caught up in the stream of thoughts that said, “something’s going wrong here”, I just did my best to find my way to the stream of thoughts that felt better and were more in alignment with the experience I preferred.

So, even though a little unsettling at times (only because I was holding on to the idea that we should have arrived earlier and that I’d miscreated because we hadn’t), we got to the boarding gate and waited about five minutes to board the plane and made it home after having a really pleasant flying experience.  We weren’t late, we arrived in perfect time, and it all went really well.  I was able to choose how I wanted to feel after realizing my initial response and even though the circumstance was what it was, by directing my thoughts and choosing a perspective that felt better, I managed my point of attraction and my experience had to reflect how I was feeling. I love how life provides me with endless opportunities to discover things about myself and to find ways to choose different perspectives.

The Hold-Out

As it is with many families, a friend of mine shares custody of her three year old with her ex.  We were talking the other day and she was very upset because her daughter was away for the next several days with her dad (the ex).  While she had become accustomed to that over the time that she and her ex had been apart, it seemed particularly painful this time because over the past several months, she’d had her daughter all to herself without needing to share her.  My friend was so upset that she felt she couldn’t function without her daughter.  She felt lost, and she didn’t want to go home to a house without her daughter.  “So what do I do now?”, she asked.  Well, the options are:  keep feeling the way you do until she gets back, feel good while she’s back with you and then likely feel shitty again when she goes away again”.  Uhhhh….ok….not sure I like that option.  Option number two:  realize that for now, the situation or condition is as it is and you can either choose to feel better about it or not.  The condition, for now, is not going to change and to change it would mean she’d have to fight this person and that person and have everyone’s agreement about it, which in her mind, would be a very complicated if not impossible task. 

My friend didn’t realize that what she really wanted was to feel good, but she thought she had to hold out for the situation to change before she could.  She thought that she wanted her daughter back (which she does), but its feeling good that she wants first and foremost, whether she knows it or not and she associates feeling good with her daughter.  She saw it like this: “daughter away = me no feel good…no good at all.  Daughter with = feel good”.    Therefore, her interpretation is - the condition caused her to feel this way, therefore the condition is responsible for the way she feels, therefore, unless or until the condition changes and her daughter is with her, she must continue to feel this way…despondent, listless, uninterested, lost and sad.   Yes?  No!…..not at all.  Most people believe that the condition must change first, and then they’ll feel better.  Seems quite logical, doesn’t it?  The logic says that this person, this behavior, this circumstance or this situation has appeared and it’s making me feel the way that I do, and unless and until it changes for the better or takes a hike and disappears forever, I’m going to keep feeling the way I do because that’s the reason that I don’t feel good and I won’t feel better in any way until that’s gone.  And so the “if only” game or the “when” game begins….”if only I had more money in my bank account.  If only I could buy or have this.  When I get this, I’ll feel successful.  If only my significant other understood me, I’d feel better.  If only I could have my daughter all of the time, I would feel better.  If only she never went away, I wouldn’t feel so bad.  When I get that job, I’ll be happier.  If only I could have that special one in my life, I wouldn’t feel so lonely.  When I make it to where I want to be, I’ll be happy….

Holding out for the condition to change before you change how you feel is backwards creating.  At best, the condition will remain as it is, and at worst, the condition will be amplified and you’ll experience other areas in your life in which you feel the same way about it.  Law of Attraction matches what you put out – your vibration - and your vibration is how you feel.  So any manifestation that you experience can always be traced to how you were/are feeling.  There’s no deviance from that.  So why not get to the “causation” of it all and address how you feel and find a way to soften how you feel, take the edge off of it, gradually, gently, and let your improved feeling assist you in finding even better feeling thoughts.  Nothing changes unless you change.  Change begins from the inside and if you don’t find a way to feel better about whatever it is that’s got you all twisted like a pretzel, it’s not going to change very much at all for the better…ever.  You’ll be twisted about it today when we talk and twenty years from now, you’ll still be twisted about it, or you’ll have substituted a different face or a different subject, but you’ll still be pretty much feeling the same way as you were twenty years ago when we had a little chat about it.  What’s going on around you is like a mirror…always reflecting to you how you feel in some way, and what’s vibrationally active within you.  If you were looking in the mirror with a sour-puss look on your mug would you expect the reflection to be smiling back at you?  Not likely, right?  If it’s a smile you want to see, you have to switch up that pretty little face of yours first, and then the smile will be reflected back.   I’m not saying to just put a smile on your face and everything in your life will improve; I am saying that the people, circumstances and events in your life are a reflection of how you feel.  And so, putting a smiley face on is just faking it and you’ll say I’m full of sh*t, that this doesn’t work and you’ll go back to your old ways.  The way to improving anything in your life is by really finding a better feeling place…changing how you feel is key because if you find a way to feel better, and Law of Attraction matches how you feel, then those things that you’re feeling better about must improve as well.  And the thing is….why wait until the condition changes or improves before you feel better?  You can feel better now…why wait???  You can feel better now, you can feel better now, you can feel better now.  Why wait???  I know, I already said that…are you getting the point?  Why feel crappy until your daughter comes back and why feel crappy every time she goes away?  You may not be able to change the circumstance right now, but you can change how you feel….right now, and when you feel better, the circumstance doesn’t seem as bad as it did when you had a different not-so-good-feeling perspective about it.  Nothing needs to change for you to feel better and you can incrementally choose thoughts and reach for perspectives that feel better.  Remember…the Universe (Law of Attraction) responds to, or matches, how you feel on every subject that’s active within you.  You have the power to change how you feel and when you change how you feel and you remain consistent, those things around you will shift as well to reflect your better-feeling perspective.

Euwwwwww....your aura's brown....!!!!!

We’re all bodies of energy and yes, we all emit that energy out and Law of Attraction matches us up with those who are matching our frequency.  But the idea isn’t to try to avoid those people who you don’t like their energy, and the idea isn’t to try to control what someone else is “putting out” so that you can feel “safe” or “protected”.  You don’t even have to “protect” yourself from them.  The idea is that you decide what you’re going to focus on and let Law of Attraction do the sorting out.  If you’re not a match to that guy with the brown aura, or if you’re not looking for it or pushing against it, then you won’t run into him.  You could be standing right next to him and you wouldn’t even notice him if you were clear about what types of rendez-vous you want to have and what you regularly focus on and feel. 

You don’t have to “take in” the energy that someone else is “putting out”.  That’s based on the false premise that others can assert their brown aura onto you.  Everything that you “take in” is based on where you’re focused, how you feel and what your point of attraction is.  If you notice something about somebody’s energy, that’s all about you and what you’re focused on and if you feel like you’re being affected it’s because you’re focused on it; and not because they are emitting the energy.  Do you get it?  It’s always about you.  Yes, others are going to have brown auras and you may or may not notice it, but it’s not out of your hands whether or not you “take it in”…it’s totally and completely and only within your own control and nothing and no one can slime you with their aura….no matter how brown it is.

The only way that someone’s “negative energy” can or will affect you is because you noticed it and you allowed it to affect you.  If anything else were true, that would mean that you don’t really create your own reality.  If it was possible for someone to put out energy and you take it in… without choice, then that same person would be able to change your nose just by thinking about it.  There is no assertion in this Law of Attraction based Universe.  Your point of power and your reality begins with your focus and what you’re focused upon, brown aura or not, is what you’ll “take in” but you’ll be the one doing it through your focus and it’s not because that person is putting it out there. 

It seems like they can gunk you…you felt fine before they came along and polluted the air and now you feel all icky, so they must be the one who needs to “clean up their act”.  But it’s not them who need to or must do anything, or be, other than they’re being.  They are being as they are, brown aura and all, because of their focus and that’s their business.  We tend to let other people affect our mood and believe that they were the rascals who made us “take their energy in”, when in fact, they’re just there as a seeable/touchable/tangible representation of how we already feel, or what our beliefs are, or what our expectations are.  If you believe that someone else’s energy affects your energy, it will.  If you’re bugged about a certain kind of person…guess what, they’re going to keep showing up in your life.  But it’s not because they’re doing it to you, it’s because you’re choosing to allow whatever they’ve got going on to get into the mix of what you’ve got going on through your focus on them; it’s all your point of attraction. 

Believing that other people can ick you with their energy makes you feel powerless and that’s where the idea of needing to protect or guard yourself against “those people” has come along.  When you come to understand that it’s your focus and your point of attraction, you then also understand that you are in control of what comes to you and what kind of people you converge with…brown aura or not.  

When all-hell breaks loose...

When all-hell is breaking loose and all you really want to do is drink vodka and eat cupcakes for breakfast, who do you want to call?  No, not ghostbusters….well, maybe if it’s a ghost problem you’ve got…but really, who do you most want to talk to?  Who do you most want to be with?  Do you want to have a chit-chat with the one who’s going to join you in your misery and add even more stories of her own to yours which then the two of you can continue talking about how bad things are and will they ever get better?  Or….do you want to talk to that friend who is stable and sure and knows that no matter how it looks right now, it’s all going to be alright.  Not only is it going to be alright, it is alright.  Do you want to climb the mountain with the experienced climber who knows exactly what to do in every and any situation and exudes confidence about his abilities; and even if he doesn’t know, he is sure and stable enough that he knows that he can figure it out as it comes?  Or, would you prefer to climb the mountain with someone who’s never done it before, is a little frail and uncertain and seems weak in character?  I think I know who I’d want to climb the mountain with.  So when your life seems to be falling apart at the seams, your business is in the red, your kids are misbehavin’ and causing you strife, your friend is sick and you feel fat and it’s all happening at the same time, who are you going to call?  The one who’ll commiserate with you and add more energy to what’s going on, or the one who’ll soften the place you’re in and help you find your way to a better feeling perspective?  Are you going to get on the FB page or on the blog where people will tell all of their stories similar to yours so that you feel like you belong and keep regurgitating your story, or, tell your story only briefly to someone who will know that where you are and what you’re experiencing is very temporary and a very important part of where you’re going and what’s next for you?  Think about that the next time you want to talk about the “hell” that’s going on in your life….

Perspective

Perspective is an interesting thing.  Perspective is what determines how you feel; perspective is what determines how you view something or someone; perspective sets your mood and attitude.  Perspective is the difference between feeling good or feeling bad.  It’s not really the condition, or what you’re observing that makes you feel a certain way, it’s your perspective about it.  For instance, with Schatzchen having made his transition, the condition is what it is…he croaked.  So when I become aware of, or perceive that condition, what’s going to make the difference on how I feel is my perspective about it.  The perspective I choose will affect how I feel about the condition; it’s not really the condition that’s making me feel a certain way.  I may be perceiving that I must feel a certain way "because"……and I may be making up stories about the condition that make me feel a certain way, but it’s all my doing, with my choice of perspective about the condition.  If Schatzchen were still alive, but rather than be in my vicinity where I could observe him as being here, instead, he was gone somewhere with Jack.  I would feel fine or good knowing he was with Jack, but he wouldn’t be here…I couldn’t see him.  How is that different from him being dead and not being able to see him?  Either way, he’s not here.  One way, I know he’s not here, but I expect him to come home; I perceive his absence as temporary.  The other way, I know he’s not here and I don’t expect him to come back; I perceive his absence as permanent.  But in both examples, he’s not here.  What changes how I feel is my perception or my interpretation of the condition or situation.  Perspective is the difference between things getting better or things getting worse; things improving or not.  Perspective is the difference between having a good experience or a bad experience.  Perspective is the difference between a body that recovers and a body that doesn’t.  Perspective is the difference between your enjoyment of something or your dissatisfaction.  Perspective is the difference between something being for your benefit or your detriment.  Perspective is the difference between feeling your heart soar or feeling heartache.  Perspective is the difference between feeling free or feeling bound.  Perspective is the difference between living a good-feeling life or a not-so-good-feeling life.   A good-feeling perspective is not always immediately available to you, but you can find your way to it gradually if you want to.  You can look for ways to interpret something in a way that feels better.  You can look for things to appreciate rather than criticize.  You can look for the good in what-is rather than the bad.  You can love rather than hate, you can praise rather than condemn, you can uplift rather than slam, you can feel safe rather than fearful, you can feel stable rather than wavering, you can feel the perfection rather than the imperfection or the wrongness.  Perspective is something that you get to choose regardless of the conditions and you have the freedom to choose which perspective you’re going to take…. Perspective.  

Something to Consider

A few weeks ago, I was watching Franki play with little dollie and Jaguar and as these two were talking to each other, I heard little dollie say to Jaguar, “my finger hurts”.  I found it interesting because a few weeks before, I’d hurt my finger.  Children mimick what they see and hear and feel around them and they become versions of all of these until they make new decisions about who they want to be and how they want to feel and respond.  So as I think about this, I assume that dollie has told Jaguar that her finger hurts because Franki saw my injured finger, and when she had asked about it, I had told I’d hurt my finger.  I’ve also heard her say that her own knee hurts.  I wear a knee brace sometimes when I workout, and she has asked, “your knee hurts”?  And so, this observation has been “planted” into my awareness and I’m curious about it.  A few days later as Franki and I were taking a walk, it occurred to me that if you were to ask me if I had physical “ailments”, I would say, “my back, my knees and my stomach”.  Not that I would talk about them, and certainly not that they’re a big deal, but if I were asked, that’s likely what I would say.  Then I realized that these things that I would say were my “issues”, are the same ones I heard my parents either talk about, or I observed my parents having.  My father fell and broke his back and had a “bad back”, and he had a knee operation and would voice his discomfort about both his knees and his back.  I have many memories of my mother having stomach discomfort and “problems” any time I saw her.  She also had a “bad back” and experienced frequent back pain.  I’ve come to understand and believe that physical conditions are more about what you believe and expect than they are about heredity and that of course, whatever decisions or conclusions my parents have made only need be mine by choice and not by association.  Somehow, it never occurred to me until recently that these physical “ailments” that I’ve owned as mine may not really be “mine” in the sense that I just picked them up from my parents, observed and heard, and therefore established an unconscious belief and expectation, and through the path of least resistance allowed them to be present in my body just as they had/have been with my parents.  The idea may seem simplistic but I really believe that first, these “problems” only began because I witnessed them, and second, they’ve continued because of my attention to them.  I don’t know if I’m conveying how truly freeing this idea is…that these physical ailments aren’t necessarily “mine”, but instead, I experienced them only because I saw them and came to expect them whether I knew it or not.  And so now, this opens a whole new world to me…a whole new perspective from which to view these physical manifestations.  I never before made the association that my physical complaints were the identical ones I witnessed in my parents.  So once again, my desire is stronger than ever to be mindful of what I’m conveying to Franki and I’m even more aware of the ways in which my focus, and my beingness, is observed and translated by this little girl in my life.  Not only what I say and do, but who I be as observed and who I be as an energy being is interpreted by her.  I understand that Franki will mimick and may become similar to how I am and she may adopt some of my beliefs, but I never applied that concept to her interpreting and possibly mimicking and “owning” the same physical “complaints” (for lack of a better word) as I have, or as Jack has.  It was such a simple moment…Franki playing with little dollie and Jaguar, that spurred such an epiphany.  Having the realization about my bodily manifestations mirroring my parents’ has already transformed my attitude and expectation toward these physical manifestations and now I see that I can let them go…I don’t need to hold on to something that was mine only by association.  Really, really, good. 

How I respond to life becomes Franki’s example and can influence how she responds to life and what she comes to expect unless and until she decides differently.  But many of those things go unnoticed and unexamined as we move through time.  We often go through life without questioning our beliefs or expectations and simply see them as truth, or “as the way it is”.  I’m happy that as a result of observing our daughter, I had an opportunity to re-examine something and make a new decision about it. 

Franki and Schatz

It’s as if Franki and Schatzchen are communicating.  She knows there’s nothing to talk about…She and Schatzchen were great buddies, she rarely left him alone.  As we pulled in the driveway on our way home from our trip, Franki asked, “where’s Schatzchen”?  I was surprised she hadn’t asked about him before because he’s usually sitting in the car beside her.  I responded, “oh, he went to see his friends”.  Jack and I had already agreed that we would keep it simple and we would answer her questions honestly, but simply.  That answer satisfied her and we walked in the door and there were no more questions.  Franki is a very observant child…she notices slight differences in shoelaces on shoes that are otherwise identical; she notices Hoppy’s hair cut; she notices emblems on vehicles and how they match mommy’s car or daddy’s car, or Hoppy’s car.  She notices when I’ve placed something in a different location in the house, or if something is not where it usually is.  So when we entered the house, I expected she would notice and comment on Schatzchen’s missing table and food bowls; or where his bed, which usually lays in our living room was; and where had his bed gone that was in our bedroom?  But no….nothing.  She hasn’t even asked her usual question when she gets up in the morning , “where’s Schatzchen”?  It’s as if there are no questions to be asked; it’s as if there’s nothing to be grieved, nothing to be missed, nothing to look back upon.  It reminds me of when Zeiger, a dog I had with Schatzchen, was euthanized.  Once Zeiger had stopped breathing, Schatzchen sniffed him, and walked away.  No drama, no change in attitude, no moping around.  That was all he needed to know.  This situation seems similar and it makes me wonder what Franki knows and senses.   I know that suffering or grief is a human condition that we experience as a result of a perceived sense of loss, and Franki is still close enough to her knowing that there is no loss, no real separation between spirit and physical.  She hasn’t yet been trained to be aware of that separation so much and I sense that she knows that even though she can’t see Schatz, he’s still around.  I believe that as well, but certainly I am very much aware of his physical absence in my environment.  I’ve been trained to observe my reality – what I can see, hear, taste, touch and smell, and she still operates from imagination and blurs the lines between “reality” and imaginary.   And so, once again, our little girl is leading the way and demonstrating that there need not be sadness when a friend changes form and changes focus from one to another.  Schatzchen’s consciousness still is; he’s just not in the form that I’m accustomed to identifying as Schatzchen.  I believe that Franki knows that and that she and Schatzchen are conspiring to show me the way.