The Hold-Out

As it is with many families, a friend of mine shares custody of her three year old with her ex.  We were talking the other day and she was very upset because her daughter was away for the next several days with her dad (the ex).  While she had become accustomed to that over the time that she and her ex had been apart, it seemed particularly painful this time because over the past several months, she’d had her daughter all to herself without needing to share her.  My friend was so upset that she felt she couldn’t function without her daughter.  She felt lost, and she didn’t want to go home to a house without her daughter.  “So what do I do now?”, she asked.  Well, the options are:  keep feeling the way you do until she gets back, feel good while she’s back with you and then likely feel shitty again when she goes away again”.  Uhhhh….ok….not sure I like that option.  Option number two:  realize that for now, the situation or condition is as it is and you can either choose to feel better about it or not.  The condition, for now, is not going to change and to change it would mean she’d have to fight this person and that person and have everyone’s agreement about it, which in her mind, would be a very complicated if not impossible task. 

My friend didn’t realize that what she really wanted was to feel good, but she thought she had to hold out for the situation to change before she could.  She thought that she wanted her daughter back (which she does), but its feeling good that she wants first and foremost, whether she knows it or not and she associates feeling good with her daughter.  She saw it like this: “daughter away = me no feel good…no good at all.  Daughter with = feel good”.    Therefore, her interpretation is - the condition caused her to feel this way, therefore the condition is responsible for the way she feels, therefore, unless or until the condition changes and her daughter is with her, she must continue to feel this way…despondent, listless, uninterested, lost and sad.   Yes?  No!…..not at all.  Most people believe that the condition must change first, and then they’ll feel better.  Seems quite logical, doesn’t it?  The logic says that this person, this behavior, this circumstance or this situation has appeared and it’s making me feel the way that I do, and unless and until it changes for the better or takes a hike and disappears forever, I’m going to keep feeling the way I do because that’s the reason that I don’t feel good and I won’t feel better in any way until that’s gone.  And so the “if only” game or the “when” game begins….”if only I had more money in my bank account.  If only I could buy or have this.  When I get this, I’ll feel successful.  If only my significant other understood me, I’d feel better.  If only I could have my daughter all of the time, I would feel better.  If only she never went away, I wouldn’t feel so bad.  When I get that job, I’ll be happier.  If only I could have that special one in my life, I wouldn’t feel so lonely.  When I make it to where I want to be, I’ll be happy….

Holding out for the condition to change before you change how you feel is backwards creating.  At best, the condition will remain as it is, and at worst, the condition will be amplified and you’ll experience other areas in your life in which you feel the same way about it.  Law of Attraction matches what you put out – your vibration - and your vibration is how you feel.  So any manifestation that you experience can always be traced to how you were/are feeling.  There’s no deviance from that.  So why not get to the “causation” of it all and address how you feel and find a way to soften how you feel, take the edge off of it, gradually, gently, and let your improved feeling assist you in finding even better feeling thoughts.  Nothing changes unless you change.  Change begins from the inside and if you don’t find a way to feel better about whatever it is that’s got you all twisted like a pretzel, it’s not going to change very much at all for the better…ever.  You’ll be twisted about it today when we talk and twenty years from now, you’ll still be twisted about it, or you’ll have substituted a different face or a different subject, but you’ll still be pretty much feeling the same way as you were twenty years ago when we had a little chat about it.  What’s going on around you is like a mirror…always reflecting to you how you feel in some way, and what’s vibrationally active within you.  If you were looking in the mirror with a sour-puss look on your mug would you expect the reflection to be smiling back at you?  Not likely, right?  If it’s a smile you want to see, you have to switch up that pretty little face of yours first, and then the smile will be reflected back.   I’m not saying to just put a smile on your face and everything in your life will improve; I am saying that the people, circumstances and events in your life are a reflection of how you feel.  And so, putting a smiley face on is just faking it and you’ll say I’m full of sh*t, that this doesn’t work and you’ll go back to your old ways.  The way to improving anything in your life is by really finding a better feeling place…changing how you feel is key because if you find a way to feel better, and Law of Attraction matches how you feel, then those things that you’re feeling better about must improve as well.  And the thing is….why wait until the condition changes or improves before you feel better?  You can feel better now…why wait???  You can feel better now, you can feel better now, you can feel better now.  Why wait???  I know, I already said that…are you getting the point?  Why feel crappy until your daughter comes back and why feel crappy every time she goes away?  You may not be able to change the circumstance right now, but you can change how you feel….right now, and when you feel better, the circumstance doesn’t seem as bad as it did when you had a different not-so-good-feeling perspective about it.  Nothing needs to change for you to feel better and you can incrementally choose thoughts and reach for perspectives that feel better.  Remember…the Universe (Law of Attraction) responds to, or matches, how you feel on every subject that’s active within you.  You have the power to change how you feel and when you change how you feel and you remain consistent, those things around you will shift as well to reflect your better-feeling perspective.