You Can Create the Relationships You Want

My good relationships don’t happen by chance or by luck.  They “happen” because I’m deliberate about what I focus on within the relationships and about the individuals.  I create in advance what tomorrow’s going to be based on what feels good.  I focus on what I like and love about the person because it feels good.  Thinking about what bothers or annoys me and what I prefer to be different doesn’t feel good at all, and I choose to feel good.  So when I think about Franki, I direct my thoughts toward those parts of her and those parts of our relationship that are easy for me to appreciate and feel good about.  And then I feel for the essence of our relationship – it feels joyful and easy.  It feels harmonious and fun.  It feels playful.  It feels loving.  It feels happy.  It feels cooperative.  It flows.  It feels allowing of each other.  It feels creative.  It feels insightful.  It feels silly and goofy.  It feels stimulating and interesting.  It feels special.  I love the way we play together and I love the way we communicate.  I feel proud and I feel fascinated and captivated by her and her view of the world.  And when I think of Jack and when I think of my friends and family and when I think of how I move through traffic or participate in stores, and interact with the world around me, I engage in thoughts that feel good; I enlist from the Universe what I want, because first, I come into alignment with how I want my world to feel.  

 

I focus on the experience I want to have and how I want it to feel; and how I enjoy feeling.  Why?  Because I’m the creator of my reality and if I want good-feeling relationships, it’s up to me to focus in a way that feels good to me first, and those relationships will follow.

 

No matter who you are, you’re “in relationship” to someone. 

 

That can be someone you’re living with or in romantic relationship with; it can be a friend, a relative, an employee, a boss, a co-worker; even those people you mingle with in traffic, at the store, restaurant or bar.  The way to good relationships is not by pointing out faults or by focusing on those things that bother you. 

 

 Are there times when I feel annoyed?  Are there times when I wish Franki wasn’t having that temper tantrum she’s having right now?  Are there times when I just wish she’d behave differently so that I could feel better?  Abso-fu*^in-lutely!  But it’s still my job to find a way to create the relationship that I want to experience with her through my focus; it’s not up to Franki to be different.  Afterall, she can only live into my expectations of her.

 

No one can live outside of your expectations of them.

 

A good relationship is not had by constantly pointing out faults.  Neither is a good relationship cultivated by needing the person you’re in relationship with to change or to be different than they are.  If what you focus on expands, and what you think about becomes your reality whether you like it or not, and you want things to be different, it’s up to you to focus differently.  How do you think your relationships would change if you only focused on what you love about them?  How do you think your relationships would change if you started every conversation with… “do you know what I love about you”?  How do you think your weekly meetings would go if each and every person attending expressed something they appreciated about another?  How do you think you would feel about yourself if you found something to love about yourself every single day? 

 

There are so many good-feeling things to focus on about yourself and others and the more you do it, the more you’ll discover to love.  Good-feeling thoughts are just a thought away and good-feeling thoughts can only lead to good-feeling relationships.  Cultivate the relationships you want, put your attention on feeling good, and reap the benefits of your deliberate focus.

 

Your relationships are exactly as you focus them into being.