The Solution Is In How You Feel

Kids like being in control of their world.  And when they feel like they’re not, or when adults impose something upon them that they perceive as control, they have a mini freak-out; otherwise known as a full-out tantrum.

We as adults, aren’t any different.  We want what we want and we want it our way.  When we perceive something as being out of our control, we too have mini freak-outs; or major ones.  Also known as a tantrum.  It’s just that most of us have been socialized to contain our tantrums.  If you could freak out like a three year old and feel appropriate, wouldn’t you love to do it too????

When we perceive that we’re not in control, or feel like we’re losing control, our knee-jerk response is to want to control the conditions, people, or both even more.  

Have you tried it?  I have, and it’s downright exhausting.  It feels like trying to contain the energy of 100 first graders.  You might be able to control one by applying your will, your might, your guiles or your manipulations, but after awhile, you just want to give up or drink some more of your favorite alcoholic beverage.

While it seems like it’s the conditions or the people around us that we want to control, I’ve discovered that that is a futile experience.  

The solution, or the way to feeling “in control” is an inside job.  

Its control over your emotions, control over your perception of the experience that you want.  You think that by controlling the external, you’ll feel better.  That’s backwards. 

All change, all “control” begins first, with how you feel. 

When you decide that you’re going to feel good anyway; you’re going to feel for how you prefer to feel and direct your thoughts; and when you realize that you can’t control the conditions, but you can choose how you want to feel, you’ll find yourself, over time, not feeling the need to control those conditions as much as you once did.