"Living the Dream"

“Living the dream”…what does that really mean?  Does it mean now?  Does it mean later?  Does it mean financial success?  Does it mean doing what I love?  Does it mean fulfilling what you feel is your life’s purpose?  Does it mean having things you’ve dreamed of owning?  What does it mean?  What does it mean to you?  “Living the dream”, to me, means that I’m happy.  It means overall, that I’m happy with who I am, and what I know and with “where” I am.  It means to me that I can appreciate many aspects of what-is, while expecting and wanting more.  It means that there’s always more to dream about, that I’m always going to be discovering new things about myself and new things about those people around me and new things about my world.  It means that as I move through time, I can, and most likely will, adjust my preferences about what I want and who I am.  But mostly, it means being happy about where I stand, appreciating as much as I can, knowing that I have the ability to choose, and enjoying the ride along the way and not having it be about some future experience before deciding to be happy.  Don’t get me wrong, I like thinking about things in the future that bring me pleasure now, but I also want to enjoy now without “wishing” my life away to some future moment.  Living the dream, to me, is about the journey, every day; the discovery, every day; and not rushing to some perceived “end”.  Living the dream, to me, is how I’m using my now, whether I’m using my now to “dream” about something that hasn’t yet happened, or using my now to set goals that thrill me, or using my now to think about some past experience that pleased me, or using my now to focus on something or someone in my present that is pleasing to me.  It’s using my now to feel good, and living that dream in my mind, in my heart, in my beingness, even if the dream hasn’t come to full fruition.   It’s what I do with my nows that make me feel like I’m living my dream in every moment.  Am I always “living the dream”?  Am I always happy?  Am I always focused on what I would prefer and on what feels good?  Absolutely not!  But that’s all part of it too.  That’s all part of living the dream, because without feeling less than good, I wouldn’t know what feeling good feels like.  And without some experiences and some focus on what I don’t want, I wouldn’t be so clear or precise about what I do want.  Living the dream isn’t about perfection, but rather it’s about finding ways to allow myself to stand where I am, feel how I do, knowing that from this place all is well and it’s always unfolding as I continually re-define the dream and what I want my life to be.

I made her wear her pants....

I made her wear her pants…yes I did.  She put up a fight, but I won!..... yes, I actually did that.  Let’s start at the beginning of this story.  So, Franki has been establishing her independence and choosing what she wants to wear some days...well actually, most days.  Some days, I pick, and she’ll wear it, other days, there’s no way in hell that she’s going to wear that!  …she wants this instead.  So our mornings are easy, usually, and I want Franki to establish her independence and to know she has a choice, and although some of the outfits she chooses I would not have thought to put together, she does a pretty darn good job.  Often the coup-de-gras are the rubber boots to finish off the outfit.  But this particular morning, I  went in and picked out a pair of pants and a t-shirt for her to wear.  When it came time to put the pants on, she ssssssssssssscreamed and fussed and struggled.  She did not want to wear those pants.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuut….I too was determined, and I was determined that she would wear those pants.  So, the battle ensued.  I got those pants on her, darn it all, and all the while, her dad was watching this “battle” going on between a 2 year old and a grown woman (maybe not in that moment).  In the middle of me pulling those pants on her and Franki screaming bloody murder, Jack said, “why do you want her to wear those pants when she clearly doesn’t want to wear them?”  I gave him a look that would cut somebody’s legs off, proceeded to put Franki’s pants on, and walked out of the room, leaving the two of them, “the enemies” to themselves.  I was mad.  “How could he take her side and not mine?  Why didn’t he “back me up” and agree with me?  Why was she so uncooperative?”  And on it went for a few minutes.  I let myself rant for awhile, then I realized, he was right.  Damn it!  I hate it when he’s “right”. (smile).   But he was.  And I was so glad for that voice of reason….not necessarily in the “heat of the moment”, but after having walked away from it, I was.  Why did I want her to wear those pants?  What was I making such a big deal about anyway?  She clearly didn’t want to wear them, and she likes to make her own choices and I want to encourage that, so why, this morning, did I totally go against what I want and try to establish my “authority” and control over my two year old?  I had just gone and done something that is completely not who I want to be as a parent.  I actually shocked myself and feel slightly embarrassed to even share that I did what I did, but does “chastising myself” help the situation?  Does holding on to it and beating myself up do anyone any good?  Franki had forgotten about it within less than five minutes of the “occurrence”, while I hung on to it for a while longer than that ;).  So does it really matter “why” I did it, do I need to analyze my every move and figure out why I did it, or can I just go ahead a give myself a break, find a way to look at it that makes me feel better, and use it as a point in time in which I clarified my intentions, and made a new decision about how I want to interact with my daughter?  Would I want my daughter to beat herself up over something she did?  No, I would want her to use her experience as a new understanding to clarify what she now wants.  So, the best way I know how to “teach” or encourage my daughter to let it be ok to be who she is in any moment, is by first, being ok with who I am being in any moment… 

Life Experience and Knowing

I used to think that being a life coach meant that I had to have it all figured out and then I had to "teach" it.  But now I know that it’s just me figuring things out as I go, applying what I know and sharing it because I love to coach, hoping that someone will benefit from my own experience and understanding.  It’s not my job to know it all; it’s my job to be a human, having a life experience and figuring it out along the way as best I can.  I can’t “teach” something unless I understand it, and the best way I can ever understand anything is to have my own experience and then apply it.  I can grasp a concept, but until I’ve actually done the thing or had the experience myself, I don’t really understand or know it.  It’s like telling a young child not to jump off the couch because it’s too high.  That doesn’t really mean anything to the child until the child has jumped and discovered something for himself.  Or it’s like telling your teenager not to drink too much because she’ll get sick.  Well, we all know how that works out.  They want to discover for themselves what it’s really like.  Don’t we all?!?  And they want to discover for themselves what their next choice about that is going to be, and how will they ever know, and how will we ever know, if we don’t have an experience that now deepens our understanding, and then now we can make a decision (it may or may not be different), but at least we now know, rather than it being some “theory” that we were told about.  When I had people describing to me what it was like to be pregnant, or about having a baby, I heard what they were saying, but until had my own experience of it, I really had no idea.  And then I knew.  The path to self-discovery and the path to confidence and the path to really knowing are by experiencing it yourself and not by someone else making that choice for you or telling you what it’s going to be like. 

So, as I live my life every day, I figure things out and I apply them.  As I live my life every day, I discover things about myself, and I experience things that I really like and things that I really don’t prefer, and I make new choices and I apply them to my life, and then I offer what I know, with the desire to help someone out.  I can’t have it all figured out before it ever happens, but I can figure it out one step at a time, knowing that if I share what I’ve learned, it may assist someone, but they’re never really going to know until they know.   I thought that me having it all figured out made me a better coach…..but I realize that me being just like everybody else, figuring it out along the way with a strong desire to assist, is what makes me the best coach I can be.

My World....According to Me: Blue Sky, or Clouds?

My World....According to Me: Blue Sky, or Clouds?: "As I was driving the other day, I looked up and saw a beautiful, clear blue sky. The beauty of the color and the clearness of the sky struc..."

The moments....

As I was doing my list of things I appreciated before going to sleep the other night, looking back over my day, I realized it was more about the "moments" throughout the day, than it was about the whole day itself.  I thought about going in to get Franki first thing in the morning; seeing her bright eyes, and making her giggle as I bounced in like a bunny.  I thought about running my hands through her hair as the water from the shower rinsed the conditioner from her head, making her hair smooth as silk.  I thought about lathering moisturizer on her body and letting my senses absorb the smell of "baby castille" while feeling her perfect little legs and her perfect little arms.  I thought about us sitting together on her fuzzy pink bean bag chair, eating delicious blueberries together.  I thought about when she turned to me and said, " I wuv u mommy".  I thought about us skipping joyfully down the driveway, holding hands.  I thought of her reaching her hand out with a beautiful yellow dandelion...just for me. I thought of us on the front porch, cuddling, as torrents of rain fell from the sky.  I thought about us playing on the floor together, with Franki crawling over me, under me, sitting on me, sprawling on me, both of us laughing as she used me as a playground object.  I thought of us giggling uncontrollably as we both turned 'round and 'round in circles until we both got dizzy and crumpled to the floor.  I thought of those moments when she formulates her thoughts into words and is so proud of herself when they come out.  I thought about us sitting in the closet, on the floor, playing with dollie.  The bed-time stories and the food sharing, and the sweet and sloppy good-night kisses and the I wuv you's.  It's those moments, that make my life feel so good.  It's those moments that feel fulfilling, rewarding, adventurous, fun, free, interesting, compelling, rich, meaningful, joyful, happy, funny, captivating...and make me eager for more.  When she calls me "mommy, maman, Chris"...in a day filled with those moments, there's nowhere else I'd rather be, and nothing else I'd rather be doing, than being in that moment....each moment unfolding into the next and the next moment to be discovered and felt fully. 

Variety

So, since I'm on this cloud thing....I don't know about you, but I've gone to California and stayed there months at a time, and to tell you the truth, I kind of got tired of just having blue skies...every single day, it was sunny and hot in the area I was exploring.  Although sunny and hot is a fabulous thing, sunny and hot got kind of boring.  I like variety.  I like the rain, I like the clouds, I like the contrast of seasons and I enjoy something about all of it...but I don't want it to be the same thing endlessly every day.  I like it when it's sunny, I like it when it rains, I like it when it's sunny and partly cloudy, I like it when it snows, I like it when it's warm, I like it when it's cooler, I like the fall smells and colors...I could go on about the things I like, and certainly, I have preferences such as, I prefer fresh, crisp air as opposed to humid and sticky....But!..... having some of what I don't want (or prefer less) makes me appreciate even more what I do like or want.  There's nothing like having the sun come out after a few days of rain.  Or there's nothing like breathing the fresh, crisp air after having a few days of humidity.  And, even when it's raining, or even when it's humid, there are plenty of things within that, that I appreciate.... like, I'm happy I can be inside, I'm happy there's air conditioning, I love the sound of the rain, I love my fan above my bed that keeps the air flowing....whatever the "condition" is, I can always find something within it to appreciate and even though, like I said, I have preferences, I really wouldn't want it to be what I prefer all of the time.  So my point is....In life, there are what you might consider more sunny situations, and more cloudy situations and more stormy situations and more "heavy/humid" situations...all kinds of situations, but don't you like the variety of it all?  Don't you like that you have opportunities every day to decide what you prefer and yet appreciate that the situation you're currently looking at, or the situation that you're currently "in" made you decide that you would prefer something else?  Would it be really all that much fun if there were only sunny days?  Or rainy days?  Or snowy days?  Or foggy days?  Whatever your preference is...you may think that you'd like it to just be sunny all of the time, but I wonder if you'd get bored and want a change...even for just a day.  Would you find yourself saying, "I'd like some rain", or even, "I think I'm going to stay inside today" even if its a sunny day.  I think that you might find that you really do want variety.  You really do want some of this and some of that...maybe a little more of this than of that, but even when you're experiencing that, you could just appreciate it because it makes you appreciate this even more.

Blue Sky, or Clouds?

As I was driving the other day, I looked up and saw a beautiful, clear blue sky.  The beauty of the color and the clearness of the sky struck me.  Then, I turned a corner and looked up to see clouds in the sky; big, fluffy white ones that look like cotton balls.  There were all sorts of them, all different shapes and sizes and I'm sure if I hadn't been driving, I would've looked to see what sorts of animal shapes I could find within them.  I was surprised to see the clouds because as I'd been driving in the other direction the sky was so clear, but I wasn't annoyed or afraid or disappointed that the clouds were there when I saw them...I was more interested in the clouds.  Which then brought me to the thought about perspective.  One direction in which I was driving, I perceived the sky as being very clear and very blue.  As I turned and faced another direction, the sky was blue and cluttered with clouds.  It was all the same sky, but the direction in which I was facing gave me a different perspective. I'd just had a discussion with a client about a problem she was perceiving and that's why this clear blue sky/cloud thing stood out for me.  I thought if we all could just see what we perceive as "problems" or "issues" in our lives as those big, fluffy white clouds in the sky, maybe we wouldn't take them so seriously.  There's always a way to see things from a different perspective and the "clouds" are always going to be passing through, and depending on which way you're facing, you're either going to see more, or less of them.  But what if, when you do see them, you look at them with interest or fascination and wonder of what wonderful shapes they hold rather than wishing they weren't there?  Clouds can hold such beauty within them...have you ever just sat and looked at the clouds?    
Just like you know the clouds will pass through, so do problems, and the more interest you hold with what wonderful things they have in store for you, or the more you perceive the blue skies ahead of you, the more quickly those things you perceive as problems will pass on through.