I made her wear her pants....

I made her wear her pants…yes I did.  She put up a fight, but I won!..... yes, I actually did that.  Let’s start at the beginning of this story.  So, Franki has been establishing her independence and choosing what she wants to wear some days...well actually, most days.  Some days, I pick, and she’ll wear it, other days, there’s no way in hell that she’s going to wear that!  …she wants this instead.  So our mornings are easy, usually, and I want Franki to establish her independence and to know she has a choice, and although some of the outfits she chooses I would not have thought to put together, she does a pretty darn good job.  Often the coup-de-gras are the rubber boots to finish off the outfit.  But this particular morning, I  went in and picked out a pair of pants and a t-shirt for her to wear.  When it came time to put the pants on, she ssssssssssssscreamed and fussed and struggled.  She did not want to wear those pants.  Buuuuuuuuuuuuut….I too was determined, and I was determined that she would wear those pants.  So, the battle ensued.  I got those pants on her, darn it all, and all the while, her dad was watching this “battle” going on between a 2 year old and a grown woman (maybe not in that moment).  In the middle of me pulling those pants on her and Franki screaming bloody murder, Jack said, “why do you want her to wear those pants when she clearly doesn’t want to wear them?”  I gave him a look that would cut somebody’s legs off, proceeded to put Franki’s pants on, and walked out of the room, leaving the two of them, “the enemies” to themselves.  I was mad.  “How could he take her side and not mine?  Why didn’t he “back me up” and agree with me?  Why was she so uncooperative?”  And on it went for a few minutes.  I let myself rant for awhile, then I realized, he was right.  Damn it!  I hate it when he’s “right”. (smile).   But he was.  And I was so glad for that voice of reason….not necessarily in the “heat of the moment”, but after having walked away from it, I was.  Why did I want her to wear those pants?  What was I making such a big deal about anyway?  She clearly didn’t want to wear them, and she likes to make her own choices and I want to encourage that, so why, this morning, did I totally go against what I want and try to establish my “authority” and control over my two year old?  I had just gone and done something that is completely not who I want to be as a parent.  I actually shocked myself and feel slightly embarrassed to even share that I did what I did, but does “chastising myself” help the situation?  Does holding on to it and beating myself up do anyone any good?  Franki had forgotten about it within less than five minutes of the “occurrence”, while I hung on to it for a while longer than that ;).  So does it really matter “why” I did it, do I need to analyze my every move and figure out why I did it, or can I just go ahead a give myself a break, find a way to look at it that makes me feel better, and use it as a point in time in which I clarified my intentions, and made a new decision about how I want to interact with my daughter?  Would I want my daughter to beat herself up over something she did?  No, I would want her to use her experience as a new understanding to clarify what she now wants.  So, the best way I know how to “teach” or encourage my daughter to let it be ok to be who she is in any moment, is by first, being ok with who I am being in any moment…