Connection First

I dropped Franki off at Gram and Hoppy’s, I put the car in reverse, looked back and saw an empty car seat, and thought, “woo hoo….I have an afternoon to myself.”  Don’t get me wrong….I love being with Franki, she’s the best, but I also like having time to myself.  Just like I wouldn’t want to sit by the pool every day, all day for the rest of my lifetime; or just like I wouldn’t want to sit on the porch and look at the beautiful scenic range of the Appalachian mountains all day every day, I also don’t want to be with Franki all of the time.  I wouldn’t want to eat ice cream for every meal either.  Although I think I might want to do any and all of these things forever and all of the time, soon, my focus would wander and I would feel compelled to do something else.  Variety is part of what makes life interesting and fun.  I used to think that being a mom meant wanting to be with Franki every single minute of every single day.  I’ve heard other moms saying how much they loved being a mom and that they could spend every single minute of every single day with their kids.  Not I.  So, as I took that literally, when I didn’t feel that way, I thought I was falling somewhat short because I didn’t want to be with Franki every single minute of every single day.  But I realized I was asking something short of impossible of myself to want to be with Franki every single minute.  Not being with her is what makes being with her so sweet.  I like pursuing other interests that stimulate me and I like being with people other than Franki.  As much as I love Jack, I don’t want to be with him all of the time either.  It’s fun to get out and mingle with other people and its fun to be interested and stimulated and thrilled with other points of focus.  It makes me a better mom and it makes me a better wife because when I do things for myself, when I fulfill my own desires, I am allowing all of who I am to come together with my family.  My experiences give me more things to talk about, and more happy stories to tell, and I am a more blended being if I am first taking the time to connect with myself.  I connect with myself daily through meditation and by allowing myself to follow inspiration to do the things I love to do, which include being alone, being with Franki, being with Jack, being with others, taking a walk, exercising, writing, coaching, drinking a coffee, going for a drive, hiking, eating something delicious, talking to a friend, watching TV, reading, journaling and so many other things. There are a multitude of ways that I can connect with myself, and I’ve discovered that the more connected I am to myself, the more of myself I can present to my family – I’m happier, livelier, funnier, wittier, smarter, more relaxed, and more fun to be with.  I’m for being with Franki as much as feels good, but first and foremost, I’m for connecting with myself, in whatever ways feel good to me, and being the best mom, wife and friend that I can be as a result of my connection.