For Franki...

You’re under no obligation to fulfill some version of you that I’ve created.  That’s my job.  You’re off the hook for ever needing to live up to some expectation that I have of you.  That’s up to me as well.  I hold you not responsible to answer to me or to validate me or to please me.  All of that, also up to me.  You are free.  I want nothing from you and want everything for you that you want for yourself as you define it.  My greatest value to you is to hold you in your highest, not only for your benefit but mostly for my own.  And to my alignment I hold true.  I am devoted to my alignment.  

I wrote this with Franki as my focus, and realized that this applies to anyone I love, know, or interact with.....

Being Silly

Picture this….five adults in a Walgreens, laughing uncontrollably as we played with an updated version of the whoopee cushion known as… a “Flarp”.  Yes, Flarp in hand, I laughed so hard my eyes watered and I almost peed my pants.  For those of you who know me, this little display and fascination with the whoopee cushion comes as no surprise, but to those with whom I was with, I think it was indeed a surprise.   I was there as the “life coach” for the weekend and so there may or may not have been some level of expectation from myself and others as to what type of behavior would fall under the category of “appropriate”.   The combination of all of it made the moment so funny.  Here we were, this small group of five people, just getting to know each other, already primed for fun, and we come face to face with a Flarp.  I couldn’t resist…a Flarp on a shelf is just begging for attention, don’t you think?  Every one of us joined in on the fun, and every one of us gave in to the moment and any inhibitions or notion of appropriate behavior were forgotten and we fully embraced the opportunity to Flarp.  The next day, one of the guys that was amongst our group of five shared with me that my silliness and eagerness for play created the space for him to be playful and to just “let ‘er rip” ….pun intended… where normally, he wouldn't have done that.  He said he hadn't laughed so hard in years and that moving forward, he wanted to have more fun and play.   Although that sort of behavior is nothing uncommon for me, I had no idea of the impact it would have on another.   I didn’t do it because I was trying to have any sort of impact; I did it because I just couldn’t help myself but to cease the opportunity for fun.   It was another reminder to me that the best example and the most service I can be to any other person is be joyful, to be happy, to play and to have fun.  We did no harm in that store and in fact, several people who were within sight or ear-shot of us got in on the giggles too.   There are moments of inspiration to be found in every day and there are ways that you’ll affect people in ways you may never know and one of the best ways I know how to do that is to feel good which creates the space for others to feel their joy.  

Just imagine....

The other day, Franki was sitting in the back seat of my car (actually it’s her car as she refers to it), and she dropped something on the floor.  She asked me to get it and I replied that I couldn’t reach it.  Her response to that?  “Yes you can mommy…just imagine”.    It made me laugh because her response was so matter-of-fact.  She reminded me that with my imagination, I can.  With my imagination, I can go to places I’ve never been, I can see things I want to see, I can feel things I want to feel and I can create things I want to create.  My imagination is limitless in any direction I point it.  I can have any experience I want with my imagination…with it, I can experience a place without needing to be there; I can have the experience of something without needing to have it in my possession; I can imagine something as I want it to be, imagine preferable conditions if they’re not quite as I prefer, imagine anything that I prefer without needing anything to change in my immediate experience.  But what has changed by using my imagination, is how I feel.  Imagination is something we’re all born with and in some scenarios, are trained away from.  My child, by being who she is, is a constant reminder to me that what I cannot see is real.  It’s as real as I can imagine it to be, and if I can imagine it, it is.

Can I get in now, mommy?

I’ve assumed that Franki’s lack of understanding or lack of comprehension that sometimes there’s a “wait” time or a lag time between her asking for something and her receiving it was due to her age and stage of development….until today.  As she repeatedly asked, “can I get in now, mommy?  …. Now, mommy?.....Now, mommy?” when referring to whether she could get in the tub or not, I suddenly wondered if the misunderstanding wasn’t mine, rather than hers.  Maybe she understands it the way it really is; afterall, she’s closer to her knowing and closer to Source from her perspective…in other words, she hasn’t been trained to think or believe differently and hasn’t been socialized to expect things to take awhile, or to take time, or to manifest before her eyes before she believes it, or even not to expect to get what she wants.  She always expects to get what she wants…she doggedly stays focused on her desire, even if she hears me say something that would contradict her desire or indicate that she’s not going to get what she wants.  It’s as if she doesn’t even hear me.  One could interpret that as meaning that she’s stubborn, defiant or not listening to me, but I have to wonder about all of those things.  I think those “labels” are placed on children (and people in general) when they (the people who we’re addressing) aren’t doing what we want them to do.  “So if you’re not going to please me or do as I say because you don’t want to, you’re stubborn”; or, “you’re defying me because you’re not doing as I told you”.  Why would they if they’re being ordered to do something they don’t want to do?  Do you like being told what to do?!?  Anyway, the point is, maybe there’s more to consider about the idea that “children just don’t understand the concept of time” or that they’re “impatient”.  Maybe they know something we don’t; or rather, something that we knew when we were younger and have been trained away from or forgotten over time……  That you should expect to get what you want, and that it’s immediate….maybe not in the sense that we’ve come to translate manifestation as in “I see it, touch it and its tangible”.  They understand that manifestation occurs as immediately as the desire is born.  Source answers and revels in the desire and the emotion that you feel is the manifestation and you don’t have to wait for the “thing” to happen to have the manifestation….you can feel it now. 

I’m not always in the place or the space to take that perspective when I’m hearing “I want this now, I want this now, I want this now”, simultaneously on this and this and this request…but….when I’m not in the middle of the frenzy, I can reach for that perspective more and more and make it more and more a part of my awareness, and over time, those “frenzied” moments will be met with more understanding than interpreting that my child is impatient or lacks understanding.  Once again, Franki has made me re-think what I thought to be “truth”.  

Controlling the details or Feeling Good?

I like it when things go well for me.  I like it when things are “just the way I want them”.  I like it when things please me.  So does that mean that I have to think ahead, plan, control, and pay attention to every little detail that might come about so that I can have a good experience?  If things don’t go the way I want them to, or if things appear like they’re not going the way I prefer, does that mean that I can’t feel good anyway?  Does the condition have to determine how I feel, or can I feel how I want to feel regardless of the condition?  Well, I just gave myself a really good example of that recently.  When I was planning a trip just a few weeks ago, I wanted the flights to be direct, I wanted them to be within a certain window of time, I wanted sleeping arrangements a certain way, I wanted particular foods and snacks to take along, I wondered how the airport experience was going to be, I wondered when Franki would nap, I wondered what it would be like to wake her up in the middle of the night to take her to the airport, I wondered how she would sleep while being away from home, I even wondered what the weather would be like…. Do you see the “torture” I was putting myself through all in an effort to be a “good and responsible mom”, to control the conditions and have them be “just right”, so that I felt in control of my situation, implying that if things were just right, I would feel good and have a better experience; all of it under the false premise that the only way I could feel good and have a good experience was if things were just the way I wanted them which would equal easier for me, less stress and therefore, feel good.  All of the attention to detail was because I wanted to avoid anything that might not fit under the category of “likes”, avoiding any possible discomfort, and all because I’d forgotten that the only thing I can control…is how I feel.  I was trying to control the conditions rather than choosing how I feel and making how I feel a priority.   All of that attention to detail and desire to foresee or control any possible situation is pretty darn exhausting to say the least and no matter what I did to make sure everything went well, if I was feeling anything other than good, the outcome(s) would only reflect how I was feeling.  I could have planned the perfect-in-my-world itinerary, with the perfect conditions, with all of the things I like to eat, see and do, and with all of the things that Franki likes to eat, see and do, and if I was feeling off in any way, all of that planning would have gone up in smoke because I can only have my experience reflect back to me how I’m really feeling.  Once I realized that I was trying to control the conditions to avoid any type of emotional upset or discomfort, I eased up a little, felt the relief and I came back into the knowing that no matter how it all went, I still had control of how I would respond to whatever situation or circumstance we were in.  Things happen; life happens and my response or reaction to them is my choice and under my control.  I was backwards creating…trying to control the conditions to affect a feeling response, rather than choosing how I wanted to feel and allowing the Universe to match the circumstances and events to how I was choosing to feel.  It occurred to me as well that Franki wasn’t caught up in the details.  Kids in general are just more flexible; they’re not looking for trouble and they’re not so conditional.  They mostly just go with it and find the fun wherever and however it is, whereas I was trying to somehow construct the conditions so that the fun could be had.  Ohhhhhhhh…..I get it…..!  You mean that stuff that I coach people on, I have to apply it too?!?   ;)

The thing is, things can still work out pretty well for me if I don’t hold to the idea that anything really has to go down in a particular way.  Here’s another example…our flight home departed at 7:00 am.  I had planned on being at the airport for around 5:30’ish.  Instead, we arrived at the airport at 6:00 am.  I could feel myself getting a little upset and flustered at the time that we got there vs. the time I’d planned, and wondering if we’d make it through security and to the gate on time etc.  As I noticed these thoughts coming up, I did my best to replace those pesky not-so-good-feeling inducing thoughts to ones that felt better and were more general and in-line with what I know to be true for me and what I preferred, like, “things are always working out for me. It’s all good.  I’m sure we can get through here quickly.  Franki’s such a good little traveler and I know she wants to see her daddy and her intentions are so strong that I’m sure we’ll make our flight in just the perfect time.  So what if we didn’t get here “on time”, maybe this is the perfect time to get here and I did prefer to have a shorter wait than a longer wait to board, so maybe this is working out afterall”.  I repeated those things to myself and felt myself relax and if/when I found myself getting all caught up in the stream of thoughts that said, “something’s going wrong here”, I just did my best to find my way to the stream of thoughts that felt better and were more in alignment with the experience I preferred.

So, even though a little unsettling at times (only because I was holding on to the idea that we should have arrived earlier and that I’d miscreated because we hadn’t), we got to the boarding gate and waited about five minutes to board the plane and made it home after having a really pleasant flying experience.  We weren’t late, we arrived in perfect time, and it all went really well.  I was able to choose how I wanted to feel after realizing my initial response and even though the circumstance was what it was, by directing my thoughts and choosing a perspective that felt better, I managed my point of attraction and my experience had to reflect how I was feeling. I love how life provides me with endless opportunities to discover things about myself and to find ways to choose different perspectives.

The Hold-Out

As it is with many families, a friend of mine shares custody of her three year old with her ex.  We were talking the other day and she was very upset because her daughter was away for the next several days with her dad (the ex).  While she had become accustomed to that over the time that she and her ex had been apart, it seemed particularly painful this time because over the past several months, she’d had her daughter all to herself without needing to share her.  My friend was so upset that she felt she couldn’t function without her daughter.  She felt lost, and she didn’t want to go home to a house without her daughter.  “So what do I do now?”, she asked.  Well, the options are:  keep feeling the way you do until she gets back, feel good while she’s back with you and then likely feel shitty again when she goes away again”.  Uhhhh….ok….not sure I like that option.  Option number two:  realize that for now, the situation or condition is as it is and you can either choose to feel better about it or not.  The condition, for now, is not going to change and to change it would mean she’d have to fight this person and that person and have everyone’s agreement about it, which in her mind, would be a very complicated if not impossible task. 

My friend didn’t realize that what she really wanted was to feel good, but she thought she had to hold out for the situation to change before she could.  She thought that she wanted her daughter back (which she does), but its feeling good that she wants first and foremost, whether she knows it or not and she associates feeling good with her daughter.  She saw it like this: “daughter away = me no feel good…no good at all.  Daughter with = feel good”.    Therefore, her interpretation is - the condition caused her to feel this way, therefore the condition is responsible for the way she feels, therefore, unless or until the condition changes and her daughter is with her, she must continue to feel this way…despondent, listless, uninterested, lost and sad.   Yes?  No!…..not at all.  Most people believe that the condition must change first, and then they’ll feel better.  Seems quite logical, doesn’t it?  The logic says that this person, this behavior, this circumstance or this situation has appeared and it’s making me feel the way that I do, and unless and until it changes for the better or takes a hike and disappears forever, I’m going to keep feeling the way I do because that’s the reason that I don’t feel good and I won’t feel better in any way until that’s gone.  And so the “if only” game or the “when” game begins….”if only I had more money in my bank account.  If only I could buy or have this.  When I get this, I’ll feel successful.  If only my significant other understood me, I’d feel better.  If only I could have my daughter all of the time, I would feel better.  If only she never went away, I wouldn’t feel so bad.  When I get that job, I’ll be happier.  If only I could have that special one in my life, I wouldn’t feel so lonely.  When I make it to where I want to be, I’ll be happy….

Holding out for the condition to change before you change how you feel is backwards creating.  At best, the condition will remain as it is, and at worst, the condition will be amplified and you’ll experience other areas in your life in which you feel the same way about it.  Law of Attraction matches what you put out – your vibration - and your vibration is how you feel.  So any manifestation that you experience can always be traced to how you were/are feeling.  There’s no deviance from that.  So why not get to the “causation” of it all and address how you feel and find a way to soften how you feel, take the edge off of it, gradually, gently, and let your improved feeling assist you in finding even better feeling thoughts.  Nothing changes unless you change.  Change begins from the inside and if you don’t find a way to feel better about whatever it is that’s got you all twisted like a pretzel, it’s not going to change very much at all for the better…ever.  You’ll be twisted about it today when we talk and twenty years from now, you’ll still be twisted about it, or you’ll have substituted a different face or a different subject, but you’ll still be pretty much feeling the same way as you were twenty years ago when we had a little chat about it.  What’s going on around you is like a mirror…always reflecting to you how you feel in some way, and what’s vibrationally active within you.  If you were looking in the mirror with a sour-puss look on your mug would you expect the reflection to be smiling back at you?  Not likely, right?  If it’s a smile you want to see, you have to switch up that pretty little face of yours first, and then the smile will be reflected back.   I’m not saying to just put a smile on your face and everything in your life will improve; I am saying that the people, circumstances and events in your life are a reflection of how you feel.  And so, putting a smiley face on is just faking it and you’ll say I’m full of sh*t, that this doesn’t work and you’ll go back to your old ways.  The way to improving anything in your life is by really finding a better feeling place…changing how you feel is key because if you find a way to feel better, and Law of Attraction matches how you feel, then those things that you’re feeling better about must improve as well.  And the thing is….why wait until the condition changes or improves before you feel better?  You can feel better now…why wait???  You can feel better now, you can feel better now, you can feel better now.  Why wait???  I know, I already said that…are you getting the point?  Why feel crappy until your daughter comes back and why feel crappy every time she goes away?  You may not be able to change the circumstance right now, but you can change how you feel….right now, and when you feel better, the circumstance doesn’t seem as bad as it did when you had a different not-so-good-feeling perspective about it.  Nothing needs to change for you to feel better and you can incrementally choose thoughts and reach for perspectives that feel better.  Remember…the Universe (Law of Attraction) responds to, or matches, how you feel on every subject that’s active within you.  You have the power to change how you feel and when you change how you feel and you remain consistent, those things around you will shift as well to reflect your better-feeling perspective.

Euwwwwww....your aura's brown....!!!!!

We’re all bodies of energy and yes, we all emit that energy out and Law of Attraction matches us up with those who are matching our frequency.  But the idea isn’t to try to avoid those people who you don’t like their energy, and the idea isn’t to try to control what someone else is “putting out” so that you can feel “safe” or “protected”.  You don’t even have to “protect” yourself from them.  The idea is that you decide what you’re going to focus on and let Law of Attraction do the sorting out.  If you’re not a match to that guy with the brown aura, or if you’re not looking for it or pushing against it, then you won’t run into him.  You could be standing right next to him and you wouldn’t even notice him if you were clear about what types of rendez-vous you want to have and what you regularly focus on and feel. 

You don’t have to “take in” the energy that someone else is “putting out”.  That’s based on the false premise that others can assert their brown aura onto you.  Everything that you “take in” is based on where you’re focused, how you feel and what your point of attraction is.  If you notice something about somebody’s energy, that’s all about you and what you’re focused on and if you feel like you’re being affected it’s because you’re focused on it; and not because they are emitting the energy.  Do you get it?  It’s always about you.  Yes, others are going to have brown auras and you may or may not notice it, but it’s not out of your hands whether or not you “take it in”…it’s totally and completely and only within your own control and nothing and no one can slime you with their aura….no matter how brown it is.

The only way that someone’s “negative energy” can or will affect you is because you noticed it and you allowed it to affect you.  If anything else were true, that would mean that you don’t really create your own reality.  If it was possible for someone to put out energy and you take it in… without choice, then that same person would be able to change your nose just by thinking about it.  There is no assertion in this Law of Attraction based Universe.  Your point of power and your reality begins with your focus and what you’re focused upon, brown aura or not, is what you’ll “take in” but you’ll be the one doing it through your focus and it’s not because that person is putting it out there. 

It seems like they can gunk you…you felt fine before they came along and polluted the air and now you feel all icky, so they must be the one who needs to “clean up their act”.  But it’s not them who need to or must do anything, or be, other than they’re being.  They are being as they are, brown aura and all, because of their focus and that’s their business.  We tend to let other people affect our mood and believe that they were the rascals who made us “take their energy in”, when in fact, they’re just there as a seeable/touchable/tangible representation of how we already feel, or what our beliefs are, or what our expectations are.  If you believe that someone else’s energy affects your energy, it will.  If you’re bugged about a certain kind of person…guess what, they’re going to keep showing up in your life.  But it’s not because they’re doing it to you, it’s because you’re choosing to allow whatever they’ve got going on to get into the mix of what you’ve got going on through your focus on them; it’s all your point of attraction. 

Believing that other people can ick you with their energy makes you feel powerless and that’s where the idea of needing to protect or guard yourself against “those people” has come along.  When you come to understand that it’s your focus and your point of attraction, you then also understand that you are in control of what comes to you and what kind of people you converge with…brown aura or not.