I forever thank you....

I thought I had nothing to do with it, and I thought there had been a mistake when the breeder chose Schatzchen as a match for me.  At the time, I was under the false impression that he was not the dog I would have singled out to be mine.  But of course, it turned out that he was perfect for me.  And he has been since the day we came together 14 ½ years ago.   Schatzchen had this ease about him….like he knew that life was supposed to be good for him, and it was.  He knew that he didn’t have to earn or prove his way; that being was enough.  He basked in the sunshine, he reveled in a bee landing on a flower, he spent days chasing the chipmunks and the squirrels up a tree.  He ran after the ball with fervor.  He stuck his head out the window of the car at every opportunity.  Joy was evident in everything and anything.  He was eager about life…happy to be home, happy to ride in the car, happy to sit on the porch, happy to play ball, happy to lick the bottom of a caramel macchiato cup, happy to go to bed at night, happy to be awake and going outside for his morning pee…He taught me about how good life is; he taught me about happiness; he taught me to love with no ulterior motives; he taught me that well-being flows and I am deserving; he taught me that I was perfect as I am and that there was nothing to prove or earn; he taught me to relax, to bask, to take it all in, to let it all in.  He taught me about being present and being absorbed in the moment for all its worth.  He taught me that life is about feeling good and that there’s really nothing more complicated to it than that.  We often had talks together, he and I, and he, in his wise and regal way would show me the way.  He would make light of my worries and soothe my tears, all the while saying, “come this way, come this way”… He gifted me with many hours and days of pleasure and joy as I would partake in his adventures.  In every moment there was adventure to be had, something to be explored and discovered and joy to be felt…in every moment.  Life with Schatzchen was meaningful, rich and rewarding and I am a better human as a result.  He taught me this not because he wanted to show me the err of my ways, but simply by the clarity of who he was.  He led the way, and I followed…and so I ask… who was the master???  All of this I know, because of a dog named Schatzchen.  I forever thank you....

To Schatz....

The house is quiet without him; although there were many times it would be hard to know he was even around, especially lately, it’s different without him.  The places where his bed laid and the spot where we had his bowls….

I didn’t know how I would feel when Schatzchen, our beloved dog, decided it was time for him to go, and I had a feeling that when Franki and I left for 10 days, that when we said goodbye to him, it would be the last.  When I got a text message from Jack one morning asking me to call him, I knew what he was about to tell me.  Even though I knew Schatz would one day move on to new adventures, and even though he lived a full life and was 14 ½, and there were signs indicating that he would soon make his transition, the finality of his departure still lingers.  Having Schatzchen around just felt good.  There was hardly a time when he wasn’t with us, no matter where we went.  And so now, the house feels different; it feels quieter somehow, like there’s space to be filled.  And even though I know that I can still talk to him and he’s not ever really “gone”, not being able to see him, and not being able to stroke his ears in the way that he enjoyed, and not having him be in the car, or hearing his contented sighs, or the sound of his nails on the floor, or throwing the ball for him…not experiencing him in his usual physical form makes me so aware of his absence.  He was the best dog I’ve ever had, a great companion, a great playmate, a soother and an uplifter, and a teacher.  I miss him, yes I do, and I wish I could bring him back and I wish he could have lived forever.  I think he planned for Franki and I to be away.  I think he knew it was time.  I think I was inspired to take a trip with Franki at this time, and I think Schatzchen knew it would be easiest for us that way.  The perfect goodbye was not to say goodbye at all…..

Too many details???

Have you ever found yourself talk yourself right out of doing something that just a few seconds ago, you were so excited about doing?  Well, that just happened to me.  Here’s what I did….As I was sitting outside enjoying the beautiful day, the warmth of the sun, the sound of the wind moving through the trees, feeling relaxed and happy, a really good-feeling idea of Franki and I going to visit my brother and his girlfriend in Arizona popped into my head.   So I texted them with my self-invitation and between the time that I texted, and the time they responded with a yes, I had pretty much talked myself right out of going.  Rather than hold to the good-feeling place I had when I initially had the thought of going and the fun and adventure of it, I allowed myself to focus on the details and controlling the conditions.  I started thinking about what time would be best to fly and how would the time change affect Franki, and how early would she get up once we got there, and would she sleep well and where would she sleep….would I have to order a portable bed and have it delivered to my brother’s place; should I bring books for her, if so, which ones?  Should I bring her stuffed animals so that she has some familiar things around her?  If so, which ones and how many?  Can I bring sippy cups on the plane?  And what snacks do I need to bring?  What would Franki be like on the flight….she’s never flown before…???  And what about a car seat….where would I rent one from because I’d rather not bring ours.  Will the time difference mess up her “schedule”?  Will it mess up my schedule?  What will it be like moving through the airport with a toddler?  And then I had the thought, “plenty of people do it, why would it be so difficult for me”.  Then I wondered if I should bring diapers, or just buy them once I got there and what clients will I need to re-schedule because of the time difference and then I thought about how much I like home and that it’s nice to be home with my own stuff and knowing the “routine” and sleeping in my own bed and well…. maybe we don’t really need to go to Arizona right now…we can go some other time. 

Does any of this sound familiar?  There are a couple of points I’d like to make about this.  The first being that I could have just waited to take the action to text them and instead, basked in the good feelings I was having within the idea of going.  But, I felt compelled to invite ourselves, the idea completely inspired, and when I get those ideas with initially “no garbage” wrapped around them, I know that’s an indication of an impulse that’s a really good idea.  The second point is that I did what I can have a tendency of doing, which is to try to figure things out, rather than just let the feeling of it be my guide.  What I mean by that is rather than just bask in that initial inspired good-feeling place of how much fun it would be, I started trying to figure out how it would all come about; how it would all work; would it all work; when would be the appropriate time to go.  I was considering the how’s and when’s and what’s when I wasn’t quite ready yet; too many specifics too soon.  I was operating under the false assumption that by addressing any possible detail, I could figure it all out and make it all go well and manage the unfolding of it.  But the thing is, that’s really backwards creation and the more details I considered, the worse I felt…which was my indicator that I was directing my focus in a way that was not at all aligned with my initial desire to go on this trip.  In fact, immersing myself in the details was more aligned with not going…the exact opposite of my desire. 

So what am I saying?  Am I saying I shouldn’t have considered those details?  No, I’m not saying that at all.  What I am saying is that the more I focus on the initial feeling I had when I had the idea and just stay with that feeling and let anything come into my imagination that matches that feeling, the more I’ll be inspired to the details of it all.  I’ll be inspired to make the flight at the perfect time that will work best for us; I’ll be inspired to bring the clothes or the toys that will be just right for Franki; I’ll easily soothe any discomfort I have around the idea of the travel because I will have practiced the good-feeling place of the idea I had.  That good-feeling place will dominate and then inspirations from that place will come for the appropriate actions to take and details to fall into place.  We’ll easily arrive at, and move through the airport.  We’ll meet wonderful, friendly happy people along the way.  It’ll be fun to take a first plane ride with Franki…and she’s already so fascinated by planes.  And she loves people and people love her and kids are so flexible in the first place, all of that stuff I’m considering that I think is important will likely not make any difference to her and we’re going to have so much fun with Auntie Em and Uncle Dan and we’ll swim and play in the pool and we’ll go to the playground and we’ll take walks and we’ll have pajama parties and bed times and waking up times won’t matter because we’re going to be on vacation and maybe we’ll go for little hikes and maybe mommy will get to drink a prickly pear margarita…  (heehee)…  Did that last little rampage feel good, or what?!?  By focusing on the feeling, I ran with it, and was able to draw more and more thoughts that were aligned with my desire to go and all of that stuff that I had been considering now seems irrelevant.  Now, the only thing that feels relevant is how much fun it’s going to be and let’s go!  So now, my “work” is stay in that feeling place, rather than get off course and get too caught up in the not-so-good-feeling details.  If I do find myself exploring the details and I find that it doesn’t feel so good, I know in the moment that again, I’m getting too specific and if I can just back off and get a little more general in thought as in, “it’ll all work out.  There are plenty of flights available.  It doesn’t really matter what day we pick or what time; Franki goes with the flow and I can go with the flow and I don’t have to have it all figured out right now, things always work out for me”.

It may not seem important or even relevant to soothe your emotions and it may seem more essential to focus on those details (because that’s what we’ve been taught to do) even if it doesn’t feel good to do it, but your emotions are always indicating to you which way you’re focused….whether aligned with your desire, or in opposition to it.  So when you find yourself getting really specific, like I did, and it doesn’t feel good, find a way to focus in a more general way, find a way to soothe that discomfort you’re feeling, not only because feeling good feels better, but also because it’ll make things unfold in a more pleasing way as they do unfold.  And it’s not about telling yourself the things that sound good, or sound positive, it’s about really feeling the direction you’re taking your thoughts into.  Your thoughts create and your emotions indicate which direction you’re creating in, and the better you feel, the more you’re accessing the powers of the Universe to assist you in all of that planning and all of those details while you have more fun along the way.