Who Do You Be Loyal To?

 

A while back I was highly encouraged to end my relationship with a long-time friend.  The person making the request gave me long lists of why this request was reasonable and that my cessation of the relationship would make life a whole lot easier for them.  While I’m all about helping people out, I’m not about dishonoring myself for the sake of someone else’s feelings or convenience, whoever they are. 

In this case though, I did.  I did something that felt awful and just plain wrong to me, to make someone else happy.  I contacted the person I was ending the relationship with and took full responsibility for my choice, being mindful not to blame anyone, especially the person who had made the original request to cut off all contact. 

 In the process of trying to do the “right” thing for another, I did the wrong thing for myself. 

It bothered me.  It lingered.  Something was off to me. 

There’s nothing I can do to fix what went on between these two people.  There’s nothing about it that has anything to do with me. 

While the socially acceptable response is to do what someone else asks of you if you love and care for them, what happens if you’re not being true to yourself in the process?  Who do you please?  Who do you honor?  Who do you be loyal to? 

 I felt pinned between someone that I care for making a request of me and honoring my relationship with myself. 

 So I considered who I am, what I teach and what I stand for.  What message am I implying to Franki as I do something that opposes the very core of me?  I considered what I would say to Franki if she came to me and someone was making a request of her that she didn’t feel right about.  Would I encourage Franki to do what I did?  No….I wouldn’t.  I would encourage her to follow her own heart, to be true to what her guidance is telling her, to be true to herself and what feels best to her.  I would remind her that others get to make requests of her that seem reasonable and sound to them and others get to choose how they want to feel; and that within that, it’s not her requirement to fulfill any obligation if implied.  Rather, it’s up to her to tune in to what she knows to be true for herself, and then do what feels best to her.  I would tell her that following her own guidance is more important than trying to please another for in acquiescing to other’s requests just to keep the peace or to make them happy, she would not be benefitting anyone.  In the process of doing that, she would be training them away from their own guidance supporting the false belief that others must behave in a certain way so that they can feel good.  That only lays ground for resentment and blame toward the people making the requests, as she did something that didn’t feel right to her.  It’s not her job to sort out how other people feel or how they respond, her only job and her only responsibility is to sort that out for herself. 

In her selfishness, she serves others.  In her selfishness she benefits others.  In her selfishness she stands in her alignment with self and when she’s aligned with self, she stands as a beacon to others.

And so, I followed the guidance that I would share with Franki.  I’m in touch with the person whom I was asked not to be in touch with, not frequently, but in a way that feels true to me.  Not to be disrespectful, and not to be disloyal in any way to the other, but rather, to be loyal to who I am and what feels right to me. 

 

I love people, I don’t reject them.  I stand for personal alignment over pleasing another.  I stand for self-empowerment even if, or even though, it may not be the most popular choice and if I did anything other than that, I would be going against everything I stand for.