Your Mind Is Better Than Google

Just like you can go online and go every which way and everywhere, your mind also has the ability to go to all sorts of places. 

The difference is, you often manage the places you go online more deliberately than you do your thoughts. 

Sometimes you let your thoughts go off in all sorts of directions for no other reason than it’s what you always do.  And Law of Attraction helps you with that. 

The more you focus on anything, the more thoughts just like it you attract. 

One way around that is to make a decision that you’re going to think because it feels good; and anything that doesn’t feel good, you’re not going to think about.   You’re either not going to think about it, or you’re going to shift the way you think about it so that it does feel good.   Why?  Well, one reason is because it just feels better to focus in a way that feels good.  The second reason is because, like I mentioned above, the more you focus on anything, the more of it you get.  So if you focus on what’s going wrong, the more of what’s going wrong you’ll get.  The more you focus on what you don’t like, the more of what you don’t like you’ll get.  Law of Attraction is consistent that way…it never fails.  So, if you want more good-feeling, right-feeling stuff, you’ve got to feel good first.  It can’t really play out any other way. 

Ahhhh, crap!  You mean I’ve got to feel good first?

Yep!  That’s the trick!  That’s the place you want to go with your mind.  Feeling good about something that’s bothered you for a long time, or feeling good about a manifestation that you obviously don’t want isn’t always easy.  It may take you several attempts, and a good amount of time to shift it into a different feeling place.  But in the meantime, aren’t there other things in your life that you can focus on that already feel good?  Why focus on the problem(s) and keep feeling immersed in the problem(s)?  You’ll only get more problems.   

You don’t have to let your problems take over your thoughts any more than your computer can surf the net without your discretion.

So first, decide that you want to feel good. 

Make feeling good a priority.

 

Make lists of things you like and love and appreciate that are present in your life right now.

Look for, and focus on those things in your life that are already going well. 

Get familiar with how good feelings feel.  Yes.  When you feel good, check in with yourself and feel how good it feels. 

Look for ways in your life that match those good-feelings. 

Look for the presence of what feels good to you rather than the absence.

As many times throughout the day as you can, praise and compliment – yourself and others.

Play down what you’re currently perceiving as going “wrong” and problematic and turn your attention to other things that you easily feel good about.  It could be your dog, your fish, or your hot shower. Subject matter isn’t important.

Look for the benefit in all things, vs. looking for the detriment in most things.

Push against nothing.  Just focus on what you prefer and what feels good.

The more you focus on feeling good and talk about what’s going right, the more of that you’ll attract and experience.  Your life isn’t like Russian roulette where you just spin the revolver and hope things turn out well for you.  You’re creating it all through your focus and you can be a little more discerning about those things you choose to focus on; and you can do that based on how your focus feels. 

You Can Create the Relationships You Want

My good relationships don’t happen by chance or by luck.  They “happen” because I’m deliberate about what I focus on within the relationships and about the individuals.  I create in advance what tomorrow’s going to be based on what feels good.  I focus on what I like and love about the person because it feels good.  Thinking about what bothers or annoys me and what I prefer to be different doesn’t feel good at all, and I choose to feel good.  So when I think about Franki, I direct my thoughts toward those parts of her and those parts of our relationship that are easy for me to appreciate and feel good about.  And then I feel for the essence of our relationship – it feels joyful and easy.  It feels harmonious and fun.  It feels playful.  It feels loving.  It feels happy.  It feels cooperative.  It flows.  It feels allowing of each other.  It feels creative.  It feels insightful.  It feels silly and goofy.  It feels stimulating and interesting.  It feels special.  I love the way we play together and I love the way we communicate.  I feel proud and I feel fascinated and captivated by her and her view of the world.  And when I think of Jack and when I think of my friends and family and when I think of how I move through traffic or participate in stores, and interact with the world around me, I engage in thoughts that feel good; I enlist from the Universe what I want, because first, I come into alignment with how I want my world to feel.  

 

I focus on the experience I want to have and how I want it to feel; and how I enjoy feeling.  Why?  Because I’m the creator of my reality and if I want good-feeling relationships, it’s up to me to focus in a way that feels good to me first, and those relationships will follow.

 

No matter who you are, you’re “in relationship” to someone. 

 

That can be someone you’re living with or in romantic relationship with; it can be a friend, a relative, an employee, a boss, a co-worker; even those people you mingle with in traffic, at the store, restaurant or bar.  The way to good relationships is not by pointing out faults or by focusing on those things that bother you. 

 

 Are there times when I feel annoyed?  Are there times when I wish Franki wasn’t having that temper tantrum she’s having right now?  Are there times when I just wish she’d behave differently so that I could feel better?  Abso-fu*^in-lutely!  But it’s still my job to find a way to create the relationship that I want to experience with her through my focus; it’s not up to Franki to be different.  Afterall, she can only live into my expectations of her.

 

No one can live outside of your expectations of them.

 

A good relationship is not had by constantly pointing out faults.  Neither is a good relationship cultivated by needing the person you’re in relationship with to change or to be different than they are.  If what you focus on expands, and what you think about becomes your reality whether you like it or not, and you want things to be different, it’s up to you to focus differently.  How do you think your relationships would change if you only focused on what you love about them?  How do you think your relationships would change if you started every conversation with… “do you know what I love about you”?  How do you think your weekly meetings would go if each and every person attending expressed something they appreciated about another?  How do you think you would feel about yourself if you found something to love about yourself every single day? 

 

There are so many good-feeling things to focus on about yourself and others and the more you do it, the more you’ll discover to love.  Good-feeling thoughts are just a thought away and good-feeling thoughts can only lead to good-feeling relationships.  Cultivate the relationships you want, put your attention on feeling good, and reap the benefits of your deliberate focus.

 

Your relationships are exactly as you focus them into being.

Who Is Thinking of Who?

Have you ever wondered, who’s thinking of who when you’re thinking of someone that you’ve known who is now dead?   A few nights ago, while doing my nightly routine of appreciation, I found myself thinking about Schatz (our deceased dog) – which made me question, “am I thinking about him or is he here, and I’ve just become aware of him?  Simultaneously, I felt filled with this calm, soothing energy and I knew that he really was with me.  

It seems like we’re separated by death – I can’t see you, touch you, feel you, lick you – you’re gone.  I’m here, you’re not.  But haven’t you had those experiences where you felt a person, or a pet, who was once observable by you as being alive, feel as though they were right there with you; united, no separation, completely involved and existing as energy and focused with you?

I like the idea that there is no death…we just change form.  I like the idea that those we’ve known and those we’ve loved never “go away”; I like the idea that a slight shift in my perspective of what it is I need to see, opens me up to a whole new way of communicating and experiencing someone I’ve labeled as “dead”.   

Happiness Is Like...

Happiness is like peeing your pants.  Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.  The point is, only you can feel what you’re feeling; no one else can.  And only you create the feeling for yourself; no else does it for you.

Others can observe your manifestations, but only you know how it feels to you. 

Paying attention to how you feel is at the heart of any creation.  How you feel, or how you want to feel is why you want anything…and why you don’t want the things you don’t want.  You want whatever it is you want because at the core of it, you’ve attached or associated with it, an emotion – a feeling it’s going to “give” you.  So when you think about the things you want, think about how you think you would feel if you were living it, having it, driving it, kissing it.  Go ahead, explore how you would feel.  And then explore some more.  Describe it in emotional terms.  It feels free and fun.  It feels easy.  I feel successful.  Successful feels prosperous.  Success feels like choices.  Success feels like possibilities.  Success feels open wide and full of possibilities. 

Find the emotions, describe and explore them – because at the heart of everything you want is an emotion.

And for the same reasons that you want what you want, you don’t want things because you also associate that you’re going to feel a certain way, or you would feel a certain way if that unwanted thing happened.  You fear the emotion more than you fear the circumstance. 

When you come to acknowledge that within everything you want and everything you don’t want is either a feeling that you want, or emotions that you want to avoid, that gives you the opportunity to explore the good feelings and revel in them more, or, address those uncomfortable emotions you’re trying to avoid and soothe them into a better feeling place.  You don’t have to hold out for the manifestation of the thing you want before you can feel the good-feelings you associate with it, and neither do you have to hold yourself in a place of resisting the negative-feeling emotions either.  If you imagine something you don’t want, or something you fear might happen, take the opportunity to feel your way to a better feeling place.

You can find a way to feel good and feel the warmth – and you don’t need to pee your pants to do it. 

For more on how you can do this, watch for my upcoming website where there’ll be lots of schtuff to help you out.

Rock Your Life - YOUR Way

My daughter wears pyjamas.  She wears them to bed, she wears them to parties, she wears them to the restaurant, she wears them to play, and she wears them to lounge.  Got an occasion?  She’ll be there in pyjamas.  If you’ve seen pictures of her, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  Hardly a day would exist without Franki wearing pyjamas.  While I might choose more variety for her, I’m not the one wearing the pj’s; she is. 

She knows what she wants and won’t be persuaded, manipulated or cajoled into wearing anything other than what she chooses – which is…you got it!....pyjamas.  And while the choice to wear pj’s everyday may not seem so mind-blowing or earth-shattering at this point, I believe that allowing and encouraging her to make the choices about what parties to attend and what her preferred attire is, will keep her creating her life, her way.

So whether it’s a billion dollars or an extra $100; a secluded cabin in the woods or a condo in Chicago; a thriving, world-renowned business, or a decent job; short hair, long hair, fame and recognition or anonymity; a beautiful wardrobe, or a closet-full of pyjamas….

Rock your life – YOUR way.

A Nightly Visitor

Just when I thought I was about to sleep all night without interruption from the 3’5” person who runs our household, our bedroom door flyes open at 5:00 am.  For the fifth night in a row, in comes Franki.  She’s already had a good nine hours of sleep, so in her words, “it’s morning time, mommy!  Time to get up”!  Well, it may be morning time, but I’m not ready to get up and neither am I as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as she is in this moment.  I help her up into our bed and she slips in beside me in spite of her previous announcement that it’s time to get up.  She does her best to be still…well, no, not really.  She squirms about and I feel her toe nails scraping my leg, then ever so gently down my back.  She puts her head on my pillow, then on my head…apparently the pillow isn’t quite as comfortable as my noggin.   She hums, “the wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round”.  She rubs her suce (French for soother or pacifier) repeatedly on her nose, then on the back of my head, then proceeds to ask me if I want it.  Afterall, she does have three of them to share.

What I really want right now is to sleep.  What I really want right now is for Franki to settle down, be quiet, lay still and go to sleep.   What I want is for her to stay in her bed rather than crawl into mine at 5:00 am.  What I really want is for her to behave in a way that would be conducive for me to sleep.   What I want is for her to conduct herself in a way that pleases me, so that I can feel good.  I want to express my displeasure in such a way that she’ll understand that I’m not happy with her behavior and she’ll do exactly what I want her to do which is to settle down, be quiet and let me sleep. 

Instead, I realize that it’s my job to align and to feel differently first; before I speak.  What I know is that if I speak to her from that place of feeling irritated and frustrated and holding her responsible for how I feel right now, I’m offering conditional love – needing her to be different and needing what-is to change so that I can feel better.  I’m also aware that as I offer that conditional love, I begin the process of training her to please me and others as opposed to following her own guidance.  The more I do that, she begins to interpret that she’s inappropriate or wrong and therefore needs to adjust to gratify me. 

I take some deep breaths; I align with my dominant intention for her...which is to allow her to be whoever she is; I decide I want to feel better, regardless of what she’s doing and regardless of how little sleep I get.  I focus on her body squirming next to mine; the warmth, the vitality, the well-being.  I feel appreciation that she’s so vibrant and happy.  I feel appreciation that she’s with me; that she likes being next to me; that she offered me her most prized object…her suce.  I feel appreciation for being mom to this most amazing little girl.  I make a decision that I’m just happy that to have her here; sleep or no sleep.  I feel appreciation for myself; for taking the time to feel better rather than uttering words in a moment of displeasure.  I find myself really glad that Franki has decided to join us, squirming or not. 

Because I wanted to feel better and I knew that it was solely my responsibility to do that, I focused myself right into feeling joy for this moment in time; a condition that just a few short minutes ago, I felt irritation about.  Within minutes of me reaching for and finding a better-feeling place, Franki settled down and fell asleep.  It didn’t matter to me…I was just happy to have her beside me. 

The Best Thing That's Ever Happened To Me

I’m laying in bed next to Franki, looking up at the stars and the moon reflecting on her ceiling from the night light turtle on her dresser.  I turn my head to look at her and think, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”. 

 And while I bask in that thought and that feeling, Jack comes into my awareness and I think, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”.  My thoughts flow easily and freely and in flows my ex-husband and my divorce from him, then comes the idea of mom leaving when I was three and my dad being the way he was as I grew up and my step-mom and step-dad and the bankruptcy and the events of my life; all flowing freely into my mind’s eye appearing as snapshots of monumental life moments.

 I feel more deeply than I’ve ever felt before, the utter perfection of all of my life just exactly as it has unfolded; each moment leading up to the next, all of it unfolding to my benefit in such excellence to lead me to who I am.  I hold the belief that everything always works out to my benefit and that without the knowledge from a personal life experience, I wouldn’t know so clearly what I prefer.  There’s rightness in every moment; there’s flawlessness in every experience.

From each one of those experiences that could have been interpreted as “bad”,  I came to understand things about myself with more depth than I would have ever discovered.  The people, the timing of things, the events and the way they played out to match my point of attraction…none of it could have been, or could be, more perfect.   There truly is perfection in every moment.  Nothing is ever going wrong; everything is always going right.  I trust and know that whatever I create next is the best thing that’s ever happened to me because everything is the best thing that’s ever happened, or happening, to me….

Bounce Away....

Franki and I were in the party store, and as she eagerly picked a ball up to bounce it, I said out loud,(not just in my head),“Franki, don’t bounce the ball in the store, ok”?  With precision timing, a friend that I haven’t seen in a while appeared and said, “what fun would that be?  We are in a party store”!

I like having fun and I like to play and I like being silly, and in that moment, I was focused on something other than having fun.   The simplicity of her statement helped me recognize that I was operating on “auto-pilot” under the guise of some sort of a rule for appropriate behavior in a party store.  Here is this child, zealous about life, seeing every place as an opportunity for play, filled with delight at the sight of these balls, and I, the “reasonable and rule-bound adult” in her life, asking her not to bounce a ball in a party store?!?  I recognized the irony of what I was saying and I immediately grabbed a bouncy ball and bounced it myself.  There are rules to play by and there are socially acceptable behaviors to which we comply and live by, but in every case I want to encourage Franki’s play and love of life and mostly, her freedom within any self-imposed boundary that I or anyone else has established.  Every day I find myself asking this question, “how can I be more flexible” and every day, I give myself opportunities to be just that.  I know my child and I know that she’s not destructive or disrespectful of other people’s property and I know that in that moment, she demonstrated and provided me with an opportunity to be more flexible.  And why would I bounce a ball in a store, a party store of all things???  Because it’s fun.  Go give it try….

What a difference a poopie makes

You’ve heard the saying, “what a difference a day makes”….???  Well, I’m making up a new saying, “what a difference a poopie makes”.  And, what does this have to do with you?  I’ll get to that….

Franki, “before poop” and “after poop” is a totally different person.   Before poop and constipated, she’s cranky, irritable, and certainly not the happy little girl we’re used to interacting with.  After poop, she’s full of energy, laughing, playful and cooperative and eager about life.   Anything that you focus on for a length of time, or in a way that consistently doesn’t feel good to you; that you continually regurgitate by thinking about or talking about in a way that holds you to a place of not feeling any improvement about it, that’s you making yourself constipated.  Energy is always in motion. Food in, food out.  Air in, air out.  Emotions flow naturally unless you stop them.  Your feelings always improve unless you keep revisting the same thoughts that feel bad.  So if feeling constipated doesn’t feel good and you find a way to get relief from that, why would you keep thinking and talking about those things that don’t feel good without trying to find relief?  The way to feeling relief about it is by letting it go.  And by letting it go I don’t mean just use words to cover up how you really feel; I mean, let it go by reaching for a different perspective that feels better; find a way of interpreting your experience in a way that feels better; find a way to substitute the thing that bothers you with thoughts about those things that don’t.  So what kind of poopie are you constipated with?

The “my employees are tools” poopie?

The “good employees are hard to find” poopie?

The “my boss is an asshole” poopie?

The “it’s all your fault I feel like this” poopie?

The “I never get what I want” poopie?

The “people are stupid” poopie?

The “life is hard” poopie?

The “I never have enough money” poopie?

The “that bastard cheated on me” poopie?

The “life isn’t fair” poopie?

The “I hate my body” poopie?

The “I’m not good enough” poopie?

The “I’m not satisfied with where I am” poopie?

The “let me tell you what’s going wrong in my life” poopie?

The “this is not happening fast enough” poopie?

The “relationships are hard” poopie?

The “look at the state of our economy” poopie?

The “this government needs to change” poopie?

The “I need you to be different” poopie?

The “what can I complain about” poopie?

Sooooo many poopies, so little time ;)  Clearly, there are all kinds of poopies that keep you from allowing things to flow.   So the next time you find yourself complaining, or regurgitating something that bothers you or repeatedly thinking about that person who irritates you, equate that to feeling constipated…do you want to feel better or not?  

A Blue bird, White Bowl and a Yellow Butterfly

The other day, just for fun and silliness and to distract Franki from something she was unhappily focused on, I said, “hey Franki…guess what?!?  Today we’re going to see a blue bird, a white bowl and a yellow butterfly”.  I said the first things that popped into my thoughts.  Did it matter if we saw them?  No.  Did I try to manipulate anything so that we could see them?  No.  I already know that I’m the creator of my reality.  I already know that anything I want is mine to have and to experience to the extent that I allow it and I don’t need to “test” Law of Attraction to see if it works.  So the point here is that I didn’t have a preconceived notion of how or where I would see these things and it really didn’t matter if I saw them at all, it really was just a way for me to bring Franki’s awareness to something else.   A little later that day, as we strolled happily along the streets of a nearby town, I was inspired to look down at the sidewalk and noticed a single wing of a butterfly…in blue.  I chuckled to myself as I made the association to what I’d said earlier and found humor in the idea that it was the combination of two things…the blue bird and a butterfly.  We were about to sit at a particular place for lunch that seemed like a great place, the food looked yummy and the place was full…all indications that this would be a good place to eat, but I just wasn’t “feeling it” and just as I was considering whether to sit down or not, someone took the last outdoor table that was available.   Instead, we went to the place that I’d felt drawn to go to that was just down the street.  Jack and I both ordered from the menu and I ordered a lunch made up of a combination of things for Franki.  Our meals came served on white plates, while Franki’s watermelon, sliced manchengo cheese and bread came in a white bowl.  That evening, just prior to putting Franki to bed, my attention rested on her t-shirt of choice, sprinkled with blue and pink butterflies, and among them, yellow butterflies and moments later as we were about to turn the television off, two blue birds came fluttering across the screen.  There are so many simple ways to be delighted in a day and there are so many ways to focus your attention on what feels good in your experience.  I believe I’m always being given impulses to think and impulses to go places and impulses to do things and I believe that it wasn’t by “chance” that we came to eat at the very place we ate at, and it wasn’t “coincidence” that I ordered something for Franki that came delivered in a white bowl and I believe that the Universe is always playing with me and eager to please me in ways that will continually reflect that I’m the creator of my reality.  Everything can be this easy, the only difference is “what am I putting in the way” of what’s so ready to be delivered to me?   In this case, it was all in fun; I wasn’t attached to an outcome; I didn’t need anything to manifest to test how good I am at manifesting; I didn’t need validation in any way, and I wasn’t “holding out” on having a really fun day until I got to see all of those things.   You get to have whatever you want, and the Universe has it all lined up for you, and there are multiple ways and multiple combinations for you to experience it all…the question is, how much crap are you putting in the way of it?  

For Franki...

You’re under no obligation to fulfill some version of you that I’ve created.  That’s my job.  You’re off the hook for ever needing to live up to some expectation that I have of you.  That’s up to me as well.  I hold you not responsible to answer to me or to validate me or to please me.  All of that, also up to me.  You are free.  I want nothing from you and want everything for you that you want for yourself as you define it.  My greatest value to you is to hold you in your highest, not only for your benefit but mostly for my own.  And to my alignment I hold true.  I am devoted to my alignment.  

I wrote this with Franki as my focus, and realized that this applies to anyone I love, know, or interact with.....

Being Silly

Picture this….five adults in a Walgreens, laughing uncontrollably as we played with an updated version of the whoopee cushion known as… a “Flarp”.  Yes, Flarp in hand, I laughed so hard my eyes watered and I almost peed my pants.  For those of you who know me, this little display and fascination with the whoopee cushion comes as no surprise, but to those with whom I was with, I think it was indeed a surprise.   I was there as the “life coach” for the weekend and so there may or may not have been some level of expectation from myself and others as to what type of behavior would fall under the category of “appropriate”.   The combination of all of it made the moment so funny.  Here we were, this small group of five people, just getting to know each other, already primed for fun, and we come face to face with a Flarp.  I couldn’t resist…a Flarp on a shelf is just begging for attention, don’t you think?  Every one of us joined in on the fun, and every one of us gave in to the moment and any inhibitions or notion of appropriate behavior were forgotten and we fully embraced the opportunity to Flarp.  The next day, one of the guys that was amongst our group of five shared with me that my silliness and eagerness for play created the space for him to be playful and to just “let ‘er rip” ….pun intended… where normally, he wouldn't have done that.  He said he hadn't laughed so hard in years and that moving forward, he wanted to have more fun and play.   Although that sort of behavior is nothing uncommon for me, I had no idea of the impact it would have on another.   I didn’t do it because I was trying to have any sort of impact; I did it because I just couldn’t help myself but to cease the opportunity for fun.   It was another reminder to me that the best example and the most service I can be to any other person is be joyful, to be happy, to play and to have fun.  We did no harm in that store and in fact, several people who were within sight or ear-shot of us got in on the giggles too.   There are moments of inspiration to be found in every day and there are ways that you’ll affect people in ways you may never know and one of the best ways I know how to do that is to feel good which creates the space for others to feel their joy.  

Just imagine....

The other day, Franki was sitting in the back seat of my car (actually it’s her car as she refers to it), and she dropped something on the floor.  She asked me to get it and I replied that I couldn’t reach it.  Her response to that?  “Yes you can mommy…just imagine”.    It made me laugh because her response was so matter-of-fact.  She reminded me that with my imagination, I can.  With my imagination, I can go to places I’ve never been, I can see things I want to see, I can feel things I want to feel and I can create things I want to create.  My imagination is limitless in any direction I point it.  I can have any experience I want with my imagination…with it, I can experience a place without needing to be there; I can have the experience of something without needing to have it in my possession; I can imagine something as I want it to be, imagine preferable conditions if they’re not quite as I prefer, imagine anything that I prefer without needing anything to change in my immediate experience.  But what has changed by using my imagination, is how I feel.  Imagination is something we’re all born with and in some scenarios, are trained away from.  My child, by being who she is, is a constant reminder to me that what I cannot see is real.  It’s as real as I can imagine it to be, and if I can imagine it, it is.

Can I get in now, mommy?

I’ve assumed that Franki’s lack of understanding or lack of comprehension that sometimes there’s a “wait” time or a lag time between her asking for something and her receiving it was due to her age and stage of development….until today.  As she repeatedly asked, “can I get in now, mommy?  …. Now, mommy?.....Now, mommy?” when referring to whether she could get in the tub or not, I suddenly wondered if the misunderstanding wasn’t mine, rather than hers.  Maybe she understands it the way it really is; afterall, she’s closer to her knowing and closer to Source from her perspective…in other words, she hasn’t been trained to think or believe differently and hasn’t been socialized to expect things to take awhile, or to take time, or to manifest before her eyes before she believes it, or even not to expect to get what she wants.  She always expects to get what she wants…she doggedly stays focused on her desire, even if she hears me say something that would contradict her desire or indicate that she’s not going to get what she wants.  It’s as if she doesn’t even hear me.  One could interpret that as meaning that she’s stubborn, defiant or not listening to me, but I have to wonder about all of those things.  I think those “labels” are placed on children (and people in general) when they (the people who we’re addressing) aren’t doing what we want them to do.  “So if you’re not going to please me or do as I say because you don’t want to, you’re stubborn”; or, “you’re defying me because you’re not doing as I told you”.  Why would they if they’re being ordered to do something they don’t want to do?  Do you like being told what to do?!?  Anyway, the point is, maybe there’s more to consider about the idea that “children just don’t understand the concept of time” or that they’re “impatient”.  Maybe they know something we don’t; or rather, something that we knew when we were younger and have been trained away from or forgotten over time……  That you should expect to get what you want, and that it’s immediate….maybe not in the sense that we’ve come to translate manifestation as in “I see it, touch it and its tangible”.  They understand that manifestation occurs as immediately as the desire is born.  Source answers and revels in the desire and the emotion that you feel is the manifestation and you don’t have to wait for the “thing” to happen to have the manifestation….you can feel it now. 

I’m not always in the place or the space to take that perspective when I’m hearing “I want this now, I want this now, I want this now”, simultaneously on this and this and this request…but….when I’m not in the middle of the frenzy, I can reach for that perspective more and more and make it more and more a part of my awareness, and over time, those “frenzied” moments will be met with more understanding than interpreting that my child is impatient or lacks understanding.  Once again, Franki has made me re-think what I thought to be “truth”.  

Controlling the details or Feeling Good?

I like it when things go well for me.  I like it when things are “just the way I want them”.  I like it when things please me.  So does that mean that I have to think ahead, plan, control, and pay attention to every little detail that might come about so that I can have a good experience?  If things don’t go the way I want them to, or if things appear like they’re not going the way I prefer, does that mean that I can’t feel good anyway?  Does the condition have to determine how I feel, or can I feel how I want to feel regardless of the condition?  Well, I just gave myself a really good example of that recently.  When I was planning a trip just a few weeks ago, I wanted the flights to be direct, I wanted them to be within a certain window of time, I wanted sleeping arrangements a certain way, I wanted particular foods and snacks to take along, I wondered how the airport experience was going to be, I wondered when Franki would nap, I wondered what it would be like to wake her up in the middle of the night to take her to the airport, I wondered how she would sleep while being away from home, I even wondered what the weather would be like…. Do you see the “torture” I was putting myself through all in an effort to be a “good and responsible mom”, to control the conditions and have them be “just right”, so that I felt in control of my situation, implying that if things were just right, I would feel good and have a better experience; all of it under the false premise that the only way I could feel good and have a good experience was if things were just the way I wanted them which would equal easier for me, less stress and therefore, feel good.  All of the attention to detail was because I wanted to avoid anything that might not fit under the category of “likes”, avoiding any possible discomfort, and all because I’d forgotten that the only thing I can control…is how I feel.  I was trying to control the conditions rather than choosing how I feel and making how I feel a priority.   All of that attention to detail and desire to foresee or control any possible situation is pretty darn exhausting to say the least and no matter what I did to make sure everything went well, if I was feeling anything other than good, the outcome(s) would only reflect how I was feeling.  I could have planned the perfect-in-my-world itinerary, with the perfect conditions, with all of the things I like to eat, see and do, and with all of the things that Franki likes to eat, see and do, and if I was feeling off in any way, all of that planning would have gone up in smoke because I can only have my experience reflect back to me how I’m really feeling.  Once I realized that I was trying to control the conditions to avoid any type of emotional upset or discomfort, I eased up a little, felt the relief and I came back into the knowing that no matter how it all went, I still had control of how I would respond to whatever situation or circumstance we were in.  Things happen; life happens and my response or reaction to them is my choice and under my control.  I was backwards creating…trying to control the conditions to affect a feeling response, rather than choosing how I wanted to feel and allowing the Universe to match the circumstances and events to how I was choosing to feel.  It occurred to me as well that Franki wasn’t caught up in the details.  Kids in general are just more flexible; they’re not looking for trouble and they’re not so conditional.  They mostly just go with it and find the fun wherever and however it is, whereas I was trying to somehow construct the conditions so that the fun could be had.  Ohhhhhhhh…..I get it…..!  You mean that stuff that I coach people on, I have to apply it too?!?   ;)

The thing is, things can still work out pretty well for me if I don’t hold to the idea that anything really has to go down in a particular way.  Here’s another example…our flight home departed at 7:00 am.  I had planned on being at the airport for around 5:30’ish.  Instead, we arrived at the airport at 6:00 am.  I could feel myself getting a little upset and flustered at the time that we got there vs. the time I’d planned, and wondering if we’d make it through security and to the gate on time etc.  As I noticed these thoughts coming up, I did my best to replace those pesky not-so-good-feeling inducing thoughts to ones that felt better and were more general and in-line with what I know to be true for me and what I preferred, like, “things are always working out for me. It’s all good.  I’m sure we can get through here quickly.  Franki’s such a good little traveler and I know she wants to see her daddy and her intentions are so strong that I’m sure we’ll make our flight in just the perfect time.  So what if we didn’t get here “on time”, maybe this is the perfect time to get here and I did prefer to have a shorter wait than a longer wait to board, so maybe this is working out afterall”.  I repeated those things to myself and felt myself relax and if/when I found myself getting all caught up in the stream of thoughts that said, “something’s going wrong here”, I just did my best to find my way to the stream of thoughts that felt better and were more in alignment with the experience I preferred.

So, even though a little unsettling at times (only because I was holding on to the idea that we should have arrived earlier and that I’d miscreated because we hadn’t), we got to the boarding gate and waited about five minutes to board the plane and made it home after having a really pleasant flying experience.  We weren’t late, we arrived in perfect time, and it all went really well.  I was able to choose how I wanted to feel after realizing my initial response and even though the circumstance was what it was, by directing my thoughts and choosing a perspective that felt better, I managed my point of attraction and my experience had to reflect how I was feeling. I love how life provides me with endless opportunities to discover things about myself and to find ways to choose different perspectives.

The Hold-Out

As it is with many families, a friend of mine shares custody of her three year old with her ex.  We were talking the other day and she was very upset because her daughter was away for the next several days with her dad (the ex).  While she had become accustomed to that over the time that she and her ex had been apart, it seemed particularly painful this time because over the past several months, she’d had her daughter all to herself without needing to share her.  My friend was so upset that she felt she couldn’t function without her daughter.  She felt lost, and she didn’t want to go home to a house without her daughter.  “So what do I do now?”, she asked.  Well, the options are:  keep feeling the way you do until she gets back, feel good while she’s back with you and then likely feel shitty again when she goes away again”.  Uhhhh….ok….not sure I like that option.  Option number two:  realize that for now, the situation or condition is as it is and you can either choose to feel better about it or not.  The condition, for now, is not going to change and to change it would mean she’d have to fight this person and that person and have everyone’s agreement about it, which in her mind, would be a very complicated if not impossible task. 

My friend didn’t realize that what she really wanted was to feel good, but she thought she had to hold out for the situation to change before she could.  She thought that she wanted her daughter back (which she does), but its feeling good that she wants first and foremost, whether she knows it or not and she associates feeling good with her daughter.  She saw it like this: “daughter away = me no feel good…no good at all.  Daughter with = feel good”.    Therefore, her interpretation is - the condition caused her to feel this way, therefore the condition is responsible for the way she feels, therefore, unless or until the condition changes and her daughter is with her, she must continue to feel this way…despondent, listless, uninterested, lost and sad.   Yes?  No!…..not at all.  Most people believe that the condition must change first, and then they’ll feel better.  Seems quite logical, doesn’t it?  The logic says that this person, this behavior, this circumstance or this situation has appeared and it’s making me feel the way that I do, and unless and until it changes for the better or takes a hike and disappears forever, I’m going to keep feeling the way I do because that’s the reason that I don’t feel good and I won’t feel better in any way until that’s gone.  And so the “if only” game or the “when” game begins….”if only I had more money in my bank account.  If only I could buy or have this.  When I get this, I’ll feel successful.  If only my significant other understood me, I’d feel better.  If only I could have my daughter all of the time, I would feel better.  If only she never went away, I wouldn’t feel so bad.  When I get that job, I’ll be happier.  If only I could have that special one in my life, I wouldn’t feel so lonely.  When I make it to where I want to be, I’ll be happy….

Holding out for the condition to change before you change how you feel is backwards creating.  At best, the condition will remain as it is, and at worst, the condition will be amplified and you’ll experience other areas in your life in which you feel the same way about it.  Law of Attraction matches what you put out – your vibration - and your vibration is how you feel.  So any manifestation that you experience can always be traced to how you were/are feeling.  There’s no deviance from that.  So why not get to the “causation” of it all and address how you feel and find a way to soften how you feel, take the edge off of it, gradually, gently, and let your improved feeling assist you in finding even better feeling thoughts.  Nothing changes unless you change.  Change begins from the inside and if you don’t find a way to feel better about whatever it is that’s got you all twisted like a pretzel, it’s not going to change very much at all for the better…ever.  You’ll be twisted about it today when we talk and twenty years from now, you’ll still be twisted about it, or you’ll have substituted a different face or a different subject, but you’ll still be pretty much feeling the same way as you were twenty years ago when we had a little chat about it.  What’s going on around you is like a mirror…always reflecting to you how you feel in some way, and what’s vibrationally active within you.  If you were looking in the mirror with a sour-puss look on your mug would you expect the reflection to be smiling back at you?  Not likely, right?  If it’s a smile you want to see, you have to switch up that pretty little face of yours first, and then the smile will be reflected back.   I’m not saying to just put a smile on your face and everything in your life will improve; I am saying that the people, circumstances and events in your life are a reflection of how you feel.  And so, putting a smiley face on is just faking it and you’ll say I’m full of sh*t, that this doesn’t work and you’ll go back to your old ways.  The way to improving anything in your life is by really finding a better feeling place…changing how you feel is key because if you find a way to feel better, and Law of Attraction matches how you feel, then those things that you’re feeling better about must improve as well.  And the thing is….why wait until the condition changes or improves before you feel better?  You can feel better now…why wait???  You can feel better now, you can feel better now, you can feel better now.  Why wait???  I know, I already said that…are you getting the point?  Why feel crappy until your daughter comes back and why feel crappy every time she goes away?  You may not be able to change the circumstance right now, but you can change how you feel….right now, and when you feel better, the circumstance doesn’t seem as bad as it did when you had a different not-so-good-feeling perspective about it.  Nothing needs to change for you to feel better and you can incrementally choose thoughts and reach for perspectives that feel better.  Remember…the Universe (Law of Attraction) responds to, or matches, how you feel on every subject that’s active within you.  You have the power to change how you feel and when you change how you feel and you remain consistent, those things around you will shift as well to reflect your better-feeling perspective.

Euwwwwww....your aura's brown....!!!!!

We’re all bodies of energy and yes, we all emit that energy out and Law of Attraction matches us up with those who are matching our frequency.  But the idea isn’t to try to avoid those people who you don’t like their energy, and the idea isn’t to try to control what someone else is “putting out” so that you can feel “safe” or “protected”.  You don’t even have to “protect” yourself from them.  The idea is that you decide what you’re going to focus on and let Law of Attraction do the sorting out.  If you’re not a match to that guy with the brown aura, or if you’re not looking for it or pushing against it, then you won’t run into him.  You could be standing right next to him and you wouldn’t even notice him if you were clear about what types of rendez-vous you want to have and what you regularly focus on and feel. 

You don’t have to “take in” the energy that someone else is “putting out”.  That’s based on the false premise that others can assert their brown aura onto you.  Everything that you “take in” is based on where you’re focused, how you feel and what your point of attraction is.  If you notice something about somebody’s energy, that’s all about you and what you’re focused on and if you feel like you’re being affected it’s because you’re focused on it; and not because they are emitting the energy.  Do you get it?  It’s always about you.  Yes, others are going to have brown auras and you may or may not notice it, but it’s not out of your hands whether or not you “take it in”…it’s totally and completely and only within your own control and nothing and no one can slime you with their aura….no matter how brown it is.

The only way that someone’s “negative energy” can or will affect you is because you noticed it and you allowed it to affect you.  If anything else were true, that would mean that you don’t really create your own reality.  If it was possible for someone to put out energy and you take it in… without choice, then that same person would be able to change your nose just by thinking about it.  There is no assertion in this Law of Attraction based Universe.  Your point of power and your reality begins with your focus and what you’re focused upon, brown aura or not, is what you’ll “take in” but you’ll be the one doing it through your focus and it’s not because that person is putting it out there. 

It seems like they can gunk you…you felt fine before they came along and polluted the air and now you feel all icky, so they must be the one who needs to “clean up their act”.  But it’s not them who need to or must do anything, or be, other than they’re being.  They are being as they are, brown aura and all, because of their focus and that’s their business.  We tend to let other people affect our mood and believe that they were the rascals who made us “take their energy in”, when in fact, they’re just there as a seeable/touchable/tangible representation of how we already feel, or what our beliefs are, or what our expectations are.  If you believe that someone else’s energy affects your energy, it will.  If you’re bugged about a certain kind of person…guess what, they’re going to keep showing up in your life.  But it’s not because they’re doing it to you, it’s because you’re choosing to allow whatever they’ve got going on to get into the mix of what you’ve got going on through your focus on them; it’s all your point of attraction. 

Believing that other people can ick you with their energy makes you feel powerless and that’s where the idea of needing to protect or guard yourself against “those people” has come along.  When you come to understand that it’s your focus and your point of attraction, you then also understand that you are in control of what comes to you and what kind of people you converge with…brown aura or not.  

When all-hell breaks loose...

When all-hell is breaking loose and all you really want to do is drink vodka and eat cupcakes for breakfast, who do you want to call?  No, not ghostbusters….well, maybe if it’s a ghost problem you’ve got…but really, who do you most want to talk to?  Who do you most want to be with?  Do you want to have a chit-chat with the one who’s going to join you in your misery and add even more stories of her own to yours which then the two of you can continue talking about how bad things are and will they ever get better?  Or….do you want to talk to that friend who is stable and sure and knows that no matter how it looks right now, it’s all going to be alright.  Not only is it going to be alright, it is alright.  Do you want to climb the mountain with the experienced climber who knows exactly what to do in every and any situation and exudes confidence about his abilities; and even if he doesn’t know, he is sure and stable enough that he knows that he can figure it out as it comes?  Or, would you prefer to climb the mountain with someone who’s never done it before, is a little frail and uncertain and seems weak in character?  I think I know who I’d want to climb the mountain with.  So when your life seems to be falling apart at the seams, your business is in the red, your kids are misbehavin’ and causing you strife, your friend is sick and you feel fat and it’s all happening at the same time, who are you going to call?  The one who’ll commiserate with you and add more energy to what’s going on, or the one who’ll soften the place you’re in and help you find your way to a better feeling perspective?  Are you going to get on the FB page or on the blog where people will tell all of their stories similar to yours so that you feel like you belong and keep regurgitating your story, or, tell your story only briefly to someone who will know that where you are and what you’re experiencing is very temporary and a very important part of where you’re going and what’s next for you?  Think about that the next time you want to talk about the “hell” that’s going on in your life….

Perspective

Perspective is an interesting thing.  Perspective is what determines how you feel; perspective is what determines how you view something or someone; perspective sets your mood and attitude.  Perspective is the difference between feeling good or feeling bad.  It’s not really the condition, or what you’re observing that makes you feel a certain way, it’s your perspective about it.  For instance, with Schatzchen having made his transition, the condition is what it is…he croaked.  So when I become aware of, or perceive that condition, what’s going to make the difference on how I feel is my perspective about it.  The perspective I choose will affect how I feel about the condition; it’s not really the condition that’s making me feel a certain way.  I may be perceiving that I must feel a certain way "because"……and I may be making up stories about the condition that make me feel a certain way, but it’s all my doing, with my choice of perspective about the condition.  If Schatzchen were still alive, but rather than be in my vicinity where I could observe him as being here, instead, he was gone somewhere with Jack.  I would feel fine or good knowing he was with Jack, but he wouldn’t be here…I couldn’t see him.  How is that different from him being dead and not being able to see him?  Either way, he’s not here.  One way, I know he’s not here, but I expect him to come home; I perceive his absence as temporary.  The other way, I know he’s not here and I don’t expect him to come back; I perceive his absence as permanent.  But in both examples, he’s not here.  What changes how I feel is my perception or my interpretation of the condition or situation.  Perspective is the difference between things getting better or things getting worse; things improving or not.  Perspective is the difference between having a good experience or a bad experience.  Perspective is the difference between a body that recovers and a body that doesn’t.  Perspective is the difference between your enjoyment of something or your dissatisfaction.  Perspective is the difference between something being for your benefit or your detriment.  Perspective is the difference between feeling your heart soar or feeling heartache.  Perspective is the difference between feeling free or feeling bound.  Perspective is the difference between living a good-feeling life or a not-so-good-feeling life.   A good-feeling perspective is not always immediately available to you, but you can find your way to it gradually if you want to.  You can look for ways to interpret something in a way that feels better.  You can look for things to appreciate rather than criticize.  You can look for the good in what-is rather than the bad.  You can love rather than hate, you can praise rather than condemn, you can uplift rather than slam, you can feel safe rather than fearful, you can feel stable rather than wavering, you can feel the perfection rather than the imperfection or the wrongness.  Perspective is something that you get to choose regardless of the conditions and you have the freedom to choose which perspective you’re going to take…. Perspective.  

Something to Consider

A few weeks ago, I was watching Franki play with little dollie and Jaguar and as these two were talking to each other, I heard little dollie say to Jaguar, “my finger hurts”.  I found it interesting because a few weeks before, I’d hurt my finger.  Children mimick what they see and hear and feel around them and they become versions of all of these until they make new decisions about who they want to be and how they want to feel and respond.  So as I think about this, I assume that dollie has told Jaguar that her finger hurts because Franki saw my injured finger, and when she had asked about it, I had told I’d hurt my finger.  I’ve also heard her say that her own knee hurts.  I wear a knee brace sometimes when I workout, and she has asked, “your knee hurts”?  And so, this observation has been “planted” into my awareness and I’m curious about it.  A few days later as Franki and I were taking a walk, it occurred to me that if you were to ask me if I had physical “ailments”, I would say, “my back, my knees and my stomach”.  Not that I would talk about them, and certainly not that they’re a big deal, but if I were asked, that’s likely what I would say.  Then I realized that these things that I would say were my “issues”, are the same ones I heard my parents either talk about, or I observed my parents having.  My father fell and broke his back and had a “bad back”, and he had a knee operation and would voice his discomfort about both his knees and his back.  I have many memories of my mother having stomach discomfort and “problems” any time I saw her.  She also had a “bad back” and experienced frequent back pain.  I’ve come to understand and believe that physical conditions are more about what you believe and expect than they are about heredity and that of course, whatever decisions or conclusions my parents have made only need be mine by choice and not by association.  Somehow, it never occurred to me until recently that these physical “ailments” that I’ve owned as mine may not really be “mine” in the sense that I just picked them up from my parents, observed and heard, and therefore established an unconscious belief and expectation, and through the path of least resistance allowed them to be present in my body just as they had/have been with my parents.  The idea may seem simplistic but I really believe that first, these “problems” only began because I witnessed them, and second, they’ve continued because of my attention to them.  I don’t know if I’m conveying how truly freeing this idea is…that these physical ailments aren’t necessarily “mine”, but instead, I experienced them only because I saw them and came to expect them whether I knew it or not.  And so now, this opens a whole new world to me…a whole new perspective from which to view these physical manifestations.  I never before made the association that my physical complaints were the identical ones I witnessed in my parents.  So once again, my desire is stronger than ever to be mindful of what I’m conveying to Franki and I’m even more aware of the ways in which my focus, and my beingness, is observed and translated by this little girl in my life.  Not only what I say and do, but who I be as observed and who I be as an energy being is interpreted by her.  I understand that Franki will mimick and may become similar to how I am and she may adopt some of my beliefs, but I never applied that concept to her interpreting and possibly mimicking and “owning” the same physical “complaints” (for lack of a better word) as I have, or as Jack has.  It was such a simple moment…Franki playing with little dollie and Jaguar, that spurred such an epiphany.  Having the realization about my bodily manifestations mirroring my parents’ has already transformed my attitude and expectation toward these physical manifestations and now I see that I can let them go…I don’t need to hold on to something that was mine only by association.  Really, really, good. 

How I respond to life becomes Franki’s example and can influence how she responds to life and what she comes to expect unless and until she decides differently.  But many of those things go unnoticed and unexamined as we move through time.  We often go through life without questioning our beliefs or expectations and simply see them as truth, or “as the way it is”.  I’m happy that as a result of observing our daughter, I had an opportunity to re-examine something and make a new decision about it. 

Franki and Schatz

It’s as if Franki and Schatzchen are communicating.  She knows there’s nothing to talk about…She and Schatzchen were great buddies, she rarely left him alone.  As we pulled in the driveway on our way home from our trip, Franki asked, “where’s Schatzchen”?  I was surprised she hadn’t asked about him before because he’s usually sitting in the car beside her.  I responded, “oh, he went to see his friends”.  Jack and I had already agreed that we would keep it simple and we would answer her questions honestly, but simply.  That answer satisfied her and we walked in the door and there were no more questions.  Franki is a very observant child…she notices slight differences in shoelaces on shoes that are otherwise identical; she notices Hoppy’s hair cut; she notices emblems on vehicles and how they match mommy’s car or daddy’s car, or Hoppy’s car.  She notices when I’ve placed something in a different location in the house, or if something is not where it usually is.  So when we entered the house, I expected she would notice and comment on Schatzchen’s missing table and food bowls; or where his bed, which usually lays in our living room was; and where had his bed gone that was in our bedroom?  But no….nothing.  She hasn’t even asked her usual question when she gets up in the morning , “where’s Schatzchen”?  It’s as if there are no questions to be asked; it’s as if there’s nothing to be grieved, nothing to be missed, nothing to look back upon.  It reminds me of when Zeiger, a dog I had with Schatzchen, was euthanized.  Once Zeiger had stopped breathing, Schatzchen sniffed him, and walked away.  No drama, no change in attitude, no moping around.  That was all he needed to know.  This situation seems similar and it makes me wonder what Franki knows and senses.   I know that suffering or grief is a human condition that we experience as a result of a perceived sense of loss, and Franki is still close enough to her knowing that there is no loss, no real separation between spirit and physical.  She hasn’t yet been trained to be aware of that separation so much and I sense that she knows that even though she can’t see Schatz, he’s still around.  I believe that as well, but certainly I am very much aware of his physical absence in my environment.  I’ve been trained to observe my reality – what I can see, hear, taste, touch and smell, and she still operates from imagination and blurs the lines between “reality” and imaginary.   And so, once again, our little girl is leading the way and demonstrating that there need not be sadness when a friend changes form and changes focus from one to another.  Schatzchen’s consciousness still is; he’s just not in the form that I’m accustomed to identifying as Schatzchen.  I believe that Franki knows that and that she and Schatzchen are conspiring to show me the way.