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I like it when things go well for me. I like it when things are “just the way I
want them”. I like it when things please
me. So does that mean that I have to
think ahead, plan, control, and pay attention to every little detail that might
come about so that I can have a good experience? If things don’t go the way I want them to, or
if things appear like they’re not going the way I prefer, does that
mean that I can’t feel good
anyway? Does the condition have to
determine how I feel, or can I feel how I want to feel regardless of the condition? Well, I just gave myself a really good
example of that recently. When I was
planning a trip just a few weeks ago, I wanted the flights to be direct, I
wanted them to be within a certain window of time, I wanted sleeping
arrangements a certain way, I wanted particular foods and snacks to take along,
I wondered how the airport experience was going to be, I wondered when Franki
would nap, I wondered what it would be like to wake her up in the middle of the
night to take her to the airport, I wondered how she would sleep while being
away from home, I even wondered what the weather would be like…. Do you see the
“torture” I was putting myself through all in an effort to be a “good and
responsible mom”, to control the conditions and have them be “just right”, so
that I felt in control of my situation, implying that if things were just
right, I would feel good and have a better experience; all of it under the false
premise that the only way I could feel good and have a good experience was if things
were just the way I wanted them which would equal easier for me, less stress
and therefore, feel good. All of the
attention to detail was because I wanted to avoid
anything that might not fit under the category of “likes”, avoiding any
possible discomfort, and all because I’d forgotten that the only thing I can control…is how I
feel. I was trying to control the conditions rather than choosing how I feel and making how I feel a priority. All of that attention to detail and desire to
foresee or control any possible situation is pretty darn exhausting to say the
least and no matter what I did to make sure everything went well, if I was
feeling anything other than good, the outcome(s) would only reflect how I was
feeling. I could have planned the
perfect-in-my-world itinerary, with the perfect conditions, with all of the things
I like to eat, see and do, and with all of the things that Franki likes to eat,
see and do, and if I was feeling off in any way, all of that planning would
have gone up in smoke because I can only have my experience reflect back to me
how I’m really feeling. Once I realized that I was trying to control
the conditions to avoid any type of emotional upset or discomfort, I eased up a
little, felt the relief and I came back into the knowing that no matter how it
all went, I still had control of how
I would respond to whatever situation or circumstance we were in. Things happen; life happens and my response
or reaction to them is my choice and
under my control. I was backwards
creating…trying to control the conditions to affect a feeling response, rather
than choosing how I wanted to feel and allowing the Universe to match the
circumstances and events to how I was choosing
to feel. It occurred to me as well
that Franki wasn’t caught up in the details.
Kids in general are just more flexible; they’re not looking for trouble
and they’re not so conditional. They
mostly just go with it and find the fun wherever and however it is, whereas I
was trying to somehow construct the conditions so that the fun could be
had. Ohhhhhhhh…..I get it…..! You mean that stuff that I coach people on, I have to apply it too?!? ;)
The thing is, things can still work out pretty well for
me if I don’t hold to the idea that anything really has to go down in a
particular way. Here’s another example…our
flight home departed at 7:00 am. I had
planned on being at the airport for around 5:30’ish. Instead, we arrived at the airport at 6:00
am. I could feel myself getting a little
upset and flustered at the time that we got there vs. the time I’d planned, and
wondering if we’d make it through security and to the gate on time etc. As I noticed these thoughts coming up, I did
my best to replace those pesky not-so-good-feeling inducing thoughts to ones
that felt better and were more general and in-line with what I know to be true
for me and what I preferred, like, “things are always working out for me. It’s
all good. I’m sure we can get through
here quickly. Franki’s such a good
little traveler and I know she wants to see her daddy and her intentions are so
strong that I’m sure we’ll make our flight in just the perfect time. So what if we didn’t get here “on time”,
maybe this is the perfect time to get here and I did prefer to have a shorter wait than a longer wait to board, so
maybe this is working out afterall”. I
repeated those things to myself and felt myself relax and if/when I found
myself getting all caught up in the stream of thoughts that said, “something’s
going wrong here”, I just did my best to find my way to the stream of thoughts
that felt better and were more in
alignment with the experience I preferred.
So, even though a little unsettling at times (only because
I was holding on to the idea that we should
have arrived earlier and that I’d miscreated because we hadn’t), we got to
the boarding gate and waited about five minutes to board the plane and made it home
after having a really pleasant flying experience. We weren’t late, we arrived in perfect time,
and it all went really well. I was able
to choose how I wanted to feel after
realizing my initial response and even though the circumstance was what it was,
by directing my thoughts and choosing a perspective that felt better, I managed
my point of attraction and my experience had to reflect how I was feeling. I
love how life provides me with endless opportunities to discover things about
myself and to find ways to choose different perspectives.
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