This Apple is REALLY Good

Within every situation, no matter how it looks, there’s something of value and something that you want to know and understand.  There’s nothing that you live that isn’t of value to you and you’re the one who gets to decide whether or not you’ll find the value within the experience.  When you decide to compare your current situation with what used to be, or what you think should be, you’re not appreciating what-is and you’re not in a place of allowing more of what you want to flow into your experience.  Liken it to comparing an apple with an orange and wishing the apple were more like the orange.  Sort of a silly idea, right?  Why not just enjoy the apple for what it is….an apple.  It might be different from the orange, but it’s supposed to be an apple and not an orange, so you don’t spend much time wishing the apple were an orange, do you?  When you let it be an apple, and let it be the apple that you’re eating right now rather than comparing it once again, only this time to other apples you’ve had before, the apple becomes, in this very moment, the best darn apple you could ever have…right now.  You’re not making a comparison of what it should be, or that you’ve had better ones before, or that this one isn’t as tasty or sweet or firm as the apples you’ve had before; all that does is make you not appreciate the apple you have right now, and it diminishes your present moment, wishing it were different from how it presently is.  So when you’re acknowledging what-is, you can either accept it as it is and see it as a good thing, or you can get all hot and bothered and tense up against it and wish you could zap it out of your existence and see it as not a good thing.  Two choices.  And which attitude do you think will help you make peace with where you are quicker?  And which choice do you think gets you jumping off the platform and down the zip line to more of what you want?  Right!  What a smarty-pants you are!  So if you can come to know that there’s pleasure and value to be had wherever you are on your journey, and allow yourself the satisfaction and enjoyment before needing the circumstances to change or holding out on the pleasure factor for the perfect circumstances, your journey can be a happy one along the way to more unfolding for you.  Everything is in constant change and it changes to whatever drum you’re beating.  So why not choose your mood and attitude and find the benefit in what-is and enjoy the ride?  Only more good can come of that.  Why wait for more to come before you enjoy what-is?  Or, why wait for the best or the better apple when you can enjoy the one you have, which is the only one you have.  Why not jump in and enjoy what-is on your way to more that will be enjoyable?  Sort of a win/win, don’tchathink?  There’s potential for joy and fulfillment and meaning and fun every step along the way and there’s no need for the conditions to be perfect before you experience all of that.  There’s something to be appreciated about that apple you’re eating right now, there really is…and I bet if you decide to look for it, you’ll find it.

Valentine's Love

Nine years ago today, I came here for the first time to visit my luv.  I drove from Canada, so excited to see where he lived, so excited to be enjoying the weekend with him.  From the moment I laid eyes on this man, I knew we would be together.  If I’d allowed my logic to step in the way of that knowing, I would have stayed in Canada, never even entertaining the possibilities before me and would now be living who-knows-where with who-knows-who.  When Jack and I met at a personal development workshop in Toronto, Canada, I wasn’t looking for someone to love; I wasn’t looking to be loved.  All I know is that when my eyes laid a look-see upon him, something in me clicked like I’d been adjusted by a chiropractor; I felt the sensation of clicking into place, that’s why I compare it to an adjustment. I knew in that instant that we would have a life together.  I didn’t know him any more than I know the person standing next to me in the grocery store, but I knew this as surely as I know that bunnies have ears.  All I could remember about him was that he had two earrings on one side; which side, I had no idea.  I had no recollection of what he looked like.  I knew he was taller than me, and that’s about it.  I remembered his deep, soothing voice and I could feel his essence.  In the coming months the only contact we had with each other were a few emails back and forth and a few phone calls related to coaching.   So it’s not like all I could dream about was his supreme hotness because I couldn’t even remember what he looked like.  There was no “evidence” to support my knowing; no encouragement from Jack; no hooks thrown out so that either one of us could bite; nothing moving us forward in the relationship.  But within me, that knowing pulsed and it didn’t matter to me what things presently looked like.  Then, my mom and I booked a cruise with the coaching group I was involved in (Jack was also part of that group). Jack also booked, but neither one of us knew that either one of us were going until about a week or so before the cruise when Jack emailed me saying he was going on this cruise and wondered if I was going.  I purposely avoided answering his question when I responded because I didn’t want to plan anything out; I wanted and trusted things to unfold in the way that they would.  The whole week I anticipated our meeting….would I recognize him?  Would he know who I was?  When and how would I spot him?  What would it be like to see each other again after five months? 

My mom and I got settled into our rooms and I off I went to stand in a very long line of people to provide the appropriate staff with credit card info for any on-board charges made.  I’d been standing in line for what seemed like forever when I realized I didn’t have the appropriate credit card.  Muttering a few words under my breath, I ran back to my room to get it.  I was a little peeved that I hadn’t noticed sooner and what a pain in the ass it was to have to stand in line again.  I scuttled back in line and started chit-chatting it up with people around me.  I went to chat with one of my fellow coaches up ahead in line (really, I was just trying to butt in) ;) and as we were talking, I heard this voice in the background.  I turned to look, and the lady I was speaking to also looked, and she uttered, “Jack”!  ….. (This is me in my head…. “Well hello there, that’s what you look like….and by the way, can I lick your face”)?!?   There he was, in flesh and bone, standing in my reality, standing in my gaze, this man that I’d dreamnt about since we’d first met; this man that I only recognized by how I felt.  And he was hhhhhhhot!  I ran to him, I may have even tripped over my own feet, nervous and thrilled to be in his presence barely able to contain my excitement.  I hoped the fact that I kept poking him in the ribs to make sure he was really there wouldn’t deter him from thinking I was just the next best thing to peanut butter and jam sandwiches.  I have no idea what I said, or what he said…I was too busy wondering when it would be appropriate for me to lick his face.  For all I know, I babbled and blundered and was barely coherent, but somewhere along the way, we’d decided to meet up to have a chit-chat after we’d done our business with this credit card thing.  So here we were, afterwards, I’m bouncing off my seat like a toddler watching Barney while he’s probably wondering what the heck he’s getting into.  The following week, we played basketball on board the ship, we toured the streets of Mexico, we went spelunking in the caves of Belize, we went boating to a private island and we spent just about every available moment together.  I know…I sort of left my mom out in the cold, but there was just no keeping Jack and I apart from each other.  When the cruise ended, I still didn’t know how or when we’d be together, and I still hadn’t let Jack “in” on what I knew.  I figured I’d break it to him gently, once he came around to know himself.  Nuthin’ like having some chic you’ve just met tell you you’re gonna be together forever.  So, in an effort not to freak him out or to step on his toes of creation, I decided that it was all fine and good enough for me to just keep this little tid-bit of information to myself.   My first visit here was February 14^th, nine years ago.  I visited every weekend after that and stayed for longer when schedules permitted.  Within four months, Jack asked me to move in with him even though he thought I dressed funny and talked Canadian.  There were hiccups along the way…Jack resisted the idea of us being together for various reasons, he even told me he’d never get married and yes, he did tell me that I dressed funny.  He even tried “pushing me away” by suggesting that we shouldn’t see each other anymore.  I was oblivious to it all; as if all along he was telling me he loved me and I was the love of his life.  Anything contradictory to that completely went in one ear and out the other, so sure of what I knew to be true and what I knew would be.  And here we are, nine years later….as I sit watching our daughter playing in a sink full of water and eating a strawberry, shattering my train of thought with, “I want another strawberry mommy”! 

p.s…..Jack did eventually come to know what I knew, and yes, he thinks I’m even better than peanut butter and jam sandwiches  J

The Pot-Bellied Pigs Aren't the Problem....

It’s so much easier to feel good when everything is going your way isn’t it?  When life is full of sunshine and bouncing bunnies and people are smiling at you and handing you thousand dollar bills everywhere you go, and the red carpet rolls out before you as you arrive at the grocery store, and money flows to you without having to offer anything in exchange for it, and your kids beam constantly and whisper “I love you” in your ear, and everyone around you just caters to your every beck and call and you eat as much chocolate as you want in a day without getting sick or feeling guilty, well, life feels good.  But when your dog throws up on your brand new faux-fur hand-bag, and your 16 year old kid has a temper tantrum while you’re buying him a new car, and you trip down the stairs and break your eye glasses and the heal of your Jimmy Choo shoes, and your boss doesn’t pay you because you haven’t shown up to work in a week, and aunt Bessie somehow forgot to leave you the inheritance she said she was going to give you, well, life sorta sucks and it’s hard to feel good about anything; especially aunt Bessie.  So if you could kill aunt Bessie, maybe you’d feel better, but she’s already dead… So now what?!?  Well, you’ve heard the saying, “when life throws you lemons, go ahead and throw them back”.  Or is it “when life throws you lemons, make some orange juice”?  Oh, maybe that’s not how it goes either, but you know what I mean :0.   So how do you make orange juice out of lemons?  Or even throw them back?  Who the heck are you throwing them back at, anyway?!?  Would somebody please tell me who I’m throwing those lemons back at?!?

Well sometimes, life sucks and then you get run over by a drove of stampeding pot bellied pigs.  That’s just another one of those sayings ;).  No worries, it’ll soon be over and you’ll remember nothing.  Well, if you’ve thrown all the lemons and survived the pigs, then you’re still probably wondering what you do when you feel things aren’t really going your way.  Or maybe now that you’ve had the pig experience, you’re thinking that things aren’t so bad after all.  Well, wherever you are on your journey, I know from my own experience that yes, it is easier to feel good about life in general or things particular, when things are going in a way that I deem as “my way”, and harder to feel good when things aren’t.  But it really all comes down to what I’m thinking about the situation or circumstances that determines how I feel.  Most of us think that it’s the circumstance that’s creating the feeling response we’re having rather than recognizing that it’s the thoughts you’re thinking about the circumstance that’s creating the feeling response that we’re having.  Yes, it’s all about what’s going on in that little noggin’ of yours that determines your interpretation of the events you’re experiencing.  So when life is all rainbows and bunnies, yes, it is easier to feel good because the circumstances can help keep some momentum of good thoughts flowing your way (the cute little bunny ears help there too); and when you find yourself in the midst of sour lemons, those circumstances also add momentum to your thoughts to keep them going a certain way.  But in either situation, the circumstance doesn’t need to be kidnapping your thoughts and taking them over.  You can decide the direction you’re going to take with your thoughts and determine how you’re going to experience the condition.  So, you’ve got ten dollars in your bank account, or you’ve got ten million in your bank account.  You think that the first vs. the latter is bad vs. good; but the only real difference between the two circumstances are the thoughts you’ve come to associate with either one of those two scenarios.  In and of itself, ten dollars or ten million dollars in the bank isn’t good or bad; it just is.  But, how you interpret that, what you make that mean and what you think about it makes you perceive and feel that it’s good or bad or better or worse.  Now, you’re about ready to give me all kinds of reasons why ten million dollars in the bank is sooooooo much better than ten dollars….yes, I’m onto you ;) and all of your reasons are valid, but it’s still just thoughts that you’ve kept thinking, which therefore have turned into beliefs, that are determining your judgment of the scenario I’ve mentioned.  The scenario in and of itself just is.  You’re attaching your beliefs which can cause you pain, torture, stress, worry and any number of not-so-good-feeling emotional responses or they can bring you joy, contentment, peace, excitement and a plethora of good-feeling emotional responses.  Whether you’re conscious of it or not, your thoughts create your reality moment to moment as they affect how you perceive, which affects how you feel.  The condition is not the reason you feel the way you do; your thoughts are.  So the next time you find yourself being bathed in millions of dollars, use the condition to your benefit and amplify the good feelings you have and realize that it’s the thoughts you’re associating with your experience that are making you feel good.  The next time you find yourself being stampeded by a drove of pot-bellied pigs, remind yourself that the pigs aren’t responsible for how you feel, it’s the thought about the pigs that’s determining your emotional response to the current scenario that you’re in.  

Don't let your problems do your thinking...

When you don’t feel good, don’t think…or certainly don’t think about anything that’s bothering you.  I’ve learned that from first-hand experience; I just dig a deeper hole that’s harder to “get out of” when I do.  If I’m already feeling some type of negative emotion, it’s because I’ve been thinking thoughts that make me feel that way.  Thoughts along the lines of, “things aren’t working out for me in this way”, or, “I wish something was different than it is”, or “why is this taking so long”, “that person at work is such a *#@^&*(!”,  “I never get what I want”…… so many thoughts about so many subjects that can create a negative jag and the longer you stay on that train of thought, the more thoughts like it come and then the whole thing that you’ve created in your mind seems like it’s really true and you feel like *&(t  and the more you think, the worse you feel.  It could even be a perceived problem that I’m contemplating, and I’m really focused on the problem rather than on the solution, and I can feel the negative emotion of that, whether it be frustration, or overwhelment, or like this is never going to end, or how will this resolve….again, such a variety of thoughts and emotions can come up while focused on a problem, and the deeper you dig into the problem and try to solve it from that negative-feeling place, not only do you not allow a solution to reveal itself to you, but you just find yourself in a place of feeling like crap.  Another instance might be when I think of something I would like to experience, and I immediately feel the absence of it, or I have a thought of doubt or uncertainty about it, I know that this is not the time to dig deeper, and it’s not always the best time to find a better-feeling perspective.  So, I’ve formed a new habit of not thinking about that thing that I have doubts about or that’s bothering or activating me when I’m in the midst of feeling doubtful, bothered or activated.  I know, it kind of goes against the idea of focusing on the problem until you find the solution, but I’ve come to discover that the problem is never solved and the solution never discovered when I’m in that place because what I’m most focused on in those moments is the problem.  And I’ve also found that if I try to talk myself into feeling better when I’ve just felt a moment of doubt, I just keep activating the doubt rather than feel better.    Most of us are thinking beings; we like to think; our minds like to be occupied, so for me to say, “just idle your mind and don’t think at all”, for some, that would be next to impossible and a hard idea to fathom.  If you can go off and meditate and quiet your mind, have at it.  That’ll slow the momentum down in the direction that you were heading with your thoughts and when you come out of meditation, you may be able to choose a different direction of thought.  But, if meditation isn’t your thing, or even if you find that meditation just didn’t quiet your mind, then don’t fight or push against your inclination to think, just use your ability to think on a different, more neutral subject like, “I wonder how much light a star would generate if I was standing 20’ away from it”?  Or think of some type of paradox that would keep your mind active, like, “what would happen if an unstoppable force were to collide with an immovable object”, or, “which came first, the chicken or the egg”, (you get my drift) or some type of word game that will allow you to think, but to think about something other than what was bothering you.  And that pesky little “problem”, might try to sneak back into your thoughts numerous times, but not so much if you’re focused on something else that’s got you engaged in a thought process.  It’s when you’re not thinking about the problem that an idea pops into your head, if not to completely “solve” the problem, at least to move you in the direction of the solution.  So next time you find yourself totally engrossed in thinking about something that doesn’t feel good, do your best to find something that will allow you to engage your mind, but in a more neutral way…something you don’t really “care” about, but is enough to keep you focused on it and know that while you aren’t thinking about your problem, you’re allowing the solution(s) to come to you.

Wise Beyond Her Years

Franki reminds me every day of where she came from and that she is a non-physical being experiencing life as the personality that we now know as her.  She reminds me in so many ways, and contrary to the idea that she is only 2 ½, what could she know more than I know, I know that she knows, and she knows that she knows.  I follow her lead.  She reminds me to trust like she trusts, and to believe like she believes and to know like she knows.  She reminds me that well-being is the only Source that flows and the only reason I may not be experiencing well-being in the moment is because, and only because, I’m currently not allowing it because of whatever I’m focused on.  She reminds me that there’s nothing to “overcome” and nothing to be “guarded” against and nothing to fear.  That fear is just an illusion based in false premises.  She reminds me to expect good things and to expect things to always be working out in my favor and to my benefit.  She reminds me that there’s no planning or scheming required to live a life filled with joyous and meaningful moments.  She reminds me that fun is spontaneous and that we are all born knowing that it’s for the fun and the discovery that we came.  She reminds me that she is wise beyond her years and has knowledge that is sourced from within.  She reminds me that she knows her power and clarity and that she can be one who forever knows it without forgetting it as I did.  She reminds me that contrast is not there to defeat me, or to teach me a lesson, or to wear me down, or to punish me, or to challenge me, or even to make me stronger and virtuous; but rather, contrast is there to revel in the ability to choose what I want and to line up with how I want to feel and to allow anything and everything I could ever imagine I want to experience, into my experience.  And it is within the ability to choose and the ensuing consequence(s) of those choices that clarity comes and knowledge comes and the re-defining of my own personal experience that I want to have, comes.  And so, I shall continue to follow her lead, and to allow her to make even the most simplest of choices, like what to wear, and I will back her up whether I agree with her choice, or whether I disagree with her choice, because she was born to be free and she was born to create her reality and she’s doing a pretty darn good job at it.  Why would I ever stand in the way of her own creation and fulfillment?

Opportunity

My job isn’t to demand of my child to behave differently so that I can feel good or so that my personal space is more pleasing to me.  My job is to allow her to be and feel as she does and to pay attention to how I feel and to pay attention to how her behavior is just reflecting how I already feel.  If I’m being activated by something, it’s my job to do something about it, and not hers.  It’s not her job to modify her behavior to please me; it’s my job to modify how I feel.  If I ask her, or demand of her to be different than she is, I’m teaching her conditional love.  I’m training her away from her own guidance which never disapproves of who she’s being in any moment.  I don’t know about you, but the message I got when I was growing up from most of the bigger people around me was that I needed to modify my behavior to please them so that they could go about their day being happy.  My feelings were irrelevant mostly, and if they didn’t fall into the category that was deemed acceptable, well, tough nouggies.  There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s pretty much how we’re socialized, but it is based on a false premise that it’s up to someone other than yourself to do or be something other than they’re being so that you can feel differently.  You get all the credit for that, not someone else.  So, as I interact with Franki, I’m very aware of when I show disapproval of something she’s said or done and I’m very aware of the response she has to that.  It’s like a foreign language to her…I can see this inner conflict because she knows that in that moment, her own Source is not disapproving of her, but I am, and this creates conflict for her.   There are going to be times when I don’t agree with, or don’t like what she’s saying or doing, but that doesn’t mean that I need to impose my rules upon her just because I’m bigger than she is.  These moments provide me great opportunity to love her unconditionally no matter who she’s being in the moment, and to love myself unconditionally no matter who I am being in the moment; not to put conditions on myself to be the “perfect” mother either.  It gives me great opportunity to respond as Source does, and when I don’t, it’s ok too.  There are going to be times when I’m tired, there are going to be times when I just don’t feel like enjoying her current display of emotion or behavior, and it’s all alright; and, there are going to be times when I can respond unconditionally and love her just as she is, in the moment, and when I do that, I can tell the difference.  I can tell the difference between feeling conditional love and unconditional love where I am just allowing her to be wherever she is.…….It’s the kind of love you feel from your dog.   No judgment, no demands to be any different, no freaking out over what you’re doing or how you’re behaving or how you’re feeling.  Just letting you be, and loving you anyway.  That’s why you love your dog so much.  …he can’t speak it, but you can feel it, and you can tell the difference between that kind of unconditional love and the love that says you need to be different in some way so that someone else can love you.  Every day, I’m presented with opportunities to offer this type of environment, this type of unconditional love, and without the opportunities, I wouldn’t know the difference between one and the other.  So, I’m happy for the opportunities that create the perfect scenario for me to continually reach for more allowing and more unconditional love; not just toward Franki, but toward myself and anyone I interact with.