On the Flip Side of "No" is "Yes"

There are toys scattered all over the floor of the t.v. room and I ask Franki if she’ll help me pick them up….please.  She replies with a firm, “no, I don’t want to.” 

Huh….what now?  Conundrum underway. 

What’s the solution and what’s the opportunity presenting itself?  Am I going to pick those toys up?  Do I make her do it regardless of her desire?  Do I make her do it to support the illusion that I’m in charge?  Do I make her do it because it’s the appropriate thing to do? 

Or…maybe I take a toy away until she understands that if she doesn’t do what I want her to do, there are consequences?  Do I try to make a four year old understand that cleaning up after herself is a nice and responsible thing to do?  Do I stand back as she does what she prefers, and instead, I pick up the toys?  Do I leave the toys?  Do I get mad and irritated because she’s not doing what I think she should do in the moment that I want her to do it?  Do I strike a deal with her?

Do I scold her for saying NO?

So many solutions!  I can take an opinion that she’s defying me, or I can choose to see that she’s establishing her independence and her ability to choose what she wants to do.  Which feels better?

Do I have to have the toys cleaned up right now?  Do I want my parenting to be sourced from inspiration and alignment or from a place of resisting what-is?  Do I want my child’s actions to be inspired from her desire or to be motivated from a place to avoid negative consequences?

In Franki’s world, toys all over the floor are a perfect scenario.  More fun.  In her world, rubbing an ice cream cone down the glass of the patio door to leave ice cream behind for the dog to lick it, is a perfect solution.  Do you think I’ll convince her of my wise ways ever-so-soon?

I believe we both get to have what we want while satisfying our intentions and desires.

I believe that the timing of my request can coincide with the timing of her inspiration.

I want her to say NO.  Saying no is a skill that many of us have had to learn.  Some of us may have been scolded by our own parents when we said no.  As she goes out into the world, as people ask things from her, as she explores relationships with peers, and society in general, the ability to say “no” and align fully and completely with it, will serve her.

Sometimes, I won’t like it.  In fact, when I ask her to help me pick up her toys, I don’t acclimate to her response immediately, but then I remember that I want her to exercise her ability to say no; what better place to practice that than when she’s home; in an environment she knows; in an environment that is nurturing; in an environment that encourages her to be who she is in the moment; in an environment that encourages her to reach for her alignment with what she prefers vs. pushing against what she doesn’t want.

 If she can say “no”, she can also say “yes”.  What she is told not to do, she’ll want to do.  The more I make it okay for her to say “no” the more she’ll come to recognize that she doesn’t have to say no to what she doesn’t want, but rather, she can confidently say “yes” to what she does want.