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Kids like being in control of their world. And when they feel like they’re not, or when
adults impose something upon them that they perceive as control, they have a
mini freak-out; otherwise known as a full-out tantrum.
We as adults, aren’t any different. We want what we want and we want it our
way. When we perceive something as being
out of our control, we too have mini
freak-outs; or major ones. Also known as a tantrum. It’s just that most of us have been
socialized to contain our tantrums. If
you could freak out like a three year old and feel appropriate, wouldn’t you
love to do it too????
When we perceive that we’re not in control, or feel like
we’re losing control, our knee-jerk response is to want to control the
conditions, people, or both even more.
Have
you tried it? I have, and it’s downright
exhausting. It feels like trying to
contain the energy of 100 first graders.
You might be able to control
one by applying your will, your might, your guiles or your manipulations, but
after awhile, you just want to give up or drink some more of your favorite
alcoholic beverage.
While it seems
like it’s the conditions or the people around us that we want to control, I’ve
discovered that that is a futile
experience.
The solution, or the way to
feeling “in control” is an inside job.
Its control over your emotions, control over your perception of the experience that you want. You think
that by controlling the external, you’ll feel better. That’s backwards.
All change, all
“control” begins first, with how you feel.
When you decide that you’re going to feel good anyway;
you’re going to feel for how you prefer
to feel and direct your thoughts; and when you realize that you can’t control
the conditions, but you can choose
how you want to feel, you’ll find yourself, over time, not feeling the need to
control those conditions as much as you once did.
