Inside Job

Sometimes, I would just love for my husband, Jack, and my daughter, Franki, to just “behave” in a way that pleases me.  Really, I would.  In fact, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone in the world just behaved or did what I wanted them to?  Have you ever tried controlling someone’s behavior???  I have!  …and damn, it’s tiring and practically impossible because as soon you think you’ve got them controlled, they then go and do something else that you don’t like and so you need to control that too!  What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not my job to make someone behave in a particular way and it’s not my job to make them do what I want them to do and it’s not even remotely my job to control them in any way, shape or form.  ….Nor is it their job to be any different than they are.   We’re all wired to be “selfishly” driven, in the sense that “I want what I want”.   As I was growing up, I came to see and believe that if I behaved in a particular way, those around me were happy.  If I behaved in another way, those around me were not happy.  So, being the smart little gal that I was, I put two and two together to make that mean, “it’s up to me to change and be the way someone else wants me to be so that they can be happy or feel good”.  But since we are wired to want what we want, it’s really our job to modify or choose how we feel rather than asking someone else to modify their behavior or their way of being or their attitude so that we can feel good.  As much as I think I’d like people to just behave in a way that would please me, wouldn’t that mean then that I would just have to control everybody’s behavior to accommodate what I want?   …and since I’ve already tried that and it doesn’t really work (not for long, anyway)…   

What is in my control is how I choose to perceive and therefore feel, about something or someone.   So, it’s all up to me.  I do temporarily forget that, and think the “easy way” would be for Jack and Franki to just behave in a way that I want them to, which would make my life easier (or so I think in the moment).  That way I wouldn’t have to focus on what I want or prefer, and I wouldn’t have to choose a better feeling perspective and I could just feel better by observing the condition that now has changed because they’ve modified their behavior.  Then I remember that feeling good is an inside job first and that I don’t need to rely on the outside conditions to change before I feel good.  I can feel good as soon as I decide to, rather than need anyone or anything to change for me to be more satisfied in any way.  And when I remember that, I feel more powerful. When I remember that, I remember that it’s totally in my control to choose how I want to feel about something or someone.  I feel powerful because it’s in my “hands”, what perspective I choose rather than needing, or relying on someone else to do or be something different than they are.