There's Nothing So Serious Going On

Jack was just laughing at me because he said my blogs were so eloquently written and yet I come up with the oddest things when we’re in conversation.  For instance….You know the grocery store Giant…rather than call it by its name, I call it “Mr. Big”.  And I couldn’t remember where we were going this weekend, so I called it, “Broke Back Mountain” (we’re going to Camelback Mountain).  And I was referring to the town of Jim Thorpe, but couldn’t remember what it was called, so instead, I called it “Jim Brown”.  And I know this lady that I call “Armadillo” rather than her real name because her real name just doesn’t seem to suit her (according to me).  No offense meant; that’s just what comes to mind when I think of her.  I constantly call people by something other than their real names just because another name seems more “natural” to me.  It just pops into my head and that becomes their name.  I don’t really know where I’m going with this other than why take things so seriously?  For the first seven years of my life I thought my name was, “you little asshole you” as my dad referenced me so often.  A name is just a name.  I thought my name was special and it was nothing like any other person’s name I’d ever heard.  It’s all what you make it mean, right?  And so what, if I call people by the wrong name and so what, if someone calls me by a different name…Life is not to be taken so seriously and whether it’s a name, or you’re stuck in traffic, or someone is rude to you, or you’re running late to get somewhere, or your kids are acting up, or the weather isn’t cooperating, or you didn’t run your 5 miles today, or achieve your goal of cycling so many miles this month, or your husband leaves his clothes on the floor, or your wife doesn’t take the garbage out….there’s always a different perspective to be taken; one that’s a little lighter, a little easier and whole lot less serious, because there really is nothing that serious going on, and a lighter attitude or a different perspective can even make a name like, “you little asshole you” be the best name ever.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

I recently had a discussion with someone and he commented that he was hung up on the idea that he was finding himself doing something that he had previously judged to be wrong; that he had decided a long time ago, that “if this ever happened to me, I would not tolerate it”.  He had decided that if he ever attracted a situation like that and found himself smack-dab in the middle of it, he already knew what his response would be.  Now, years later, he is finding himself in a situation where he is doing the exact opposite of what he said he would do years ago if he ever found himself in this position; and he is bothered by that.  He is making it mean that he is “going back on his word”, that he doesn’t have any morals, that he is weak; that somehow, there’s something wrong and he needs to be judgmental about his current choice because he said he would never do what he is currently doing.  But don’t you find that it’s those things that you judge, that you then later end up being in a similar situation, and because you are, you gain a whole new perspective from which to view this from?  It’s like judging people because they don’t pay their bills on time, or don’t pay their credit card bills in full; until you’re in that position yourself, you can’t fully understand the concept.  Or saying you would never stay if your partner was unfaithful; you never know until you have an experience yourself what your new decision or perspective might be.  There are always circumstances and choices and things to consider that are personal to you when you’re in the position that you once judged as “wrong” or final.  And because you change your mind about something you once said you would “never do” doesn’t mean you have to let that mean anything bad or wrong about your character.  So I said to this person… “what type of ice cream do you like”?  He replied, “Vanilla”.  And so I said, “Well, what if you changed your mind and decided that you liked chocolate tomorrow, would you make that wrong?  Would you judge your character and decide that you need to beat yourself up a little because yesterday, you loved vanilla and said you would never eat chocolate”?  And he laughed at the ridiculousness of my question and replied, “No, of course not”.  And I said, “This isn’t any different than chocolate vs. vanilla.  You just changed your mind.  It’s no bigger than that”.  It was the meaning that he was attaching about himself because of his decision that was causing him angst.  He was making it mean a lot more than he really needed to, and once he saw that, he was able to let it go.  And so, the moral of the story is, let yourself change your mind about things.  Let life evolve and let yourself make new discoveries and new decisions based on the life you’re experiencing and let it be as simple as deciding you like chocolate now instead of vanilla.  It really is no bigger than that.

Appreciating family

A couple weekends ago I visited with members of my family for Canadian Thanksgiving.  No matter how little time we spend together or share, it’s still family and it’s still special and unique, full of different personalities, different points of view.  It’s so fun to see and experience my nieces moving through time, hearing what their latest interests are, discovering the world for themselves.  And it’s fun to see my brothers, being no different than they ever were, yet so grown up and “men-like”.  And it’s fun to be introducing Franki to the family, allowing them all to discover her and have the experience of her for themselves.  I love seeing my father taking Franki for a ride on the 4-wheeler and teaching her to fish.  And I love seeing Granny G do Granny G things like only Granny G does.  No matter the differences, no matter the “old stories” and the expectations I’ve come to conclude about each and every member of my family, they’re still my family…..and there are so many things to appreciate about each and every one of them.  It sometimes can seem easier to just expect your family members to be just as they always have been, and there can be comfort in that.  That consistency of them being just the way they have always been offers stability and a sense of knowing what to expect.  But what about if you’re annoyed by certain aspects of their personality?  What if your old stories about your family members just keep bringing up negative expectations about them?  It leaves you feeling helpless if you believe that they need to change for you to feel better.  And so why not learn to appreciate them just as they are; not needing them to change; not needing them to be different; completely appreciating them for who they are, what they know, what they’ve decided about life and what they can allow right now, and just let that be ok.  Just love them all, every little bit of them, for being who they are now and appreciate that they’ve all contributed to who you’ve become and made your life so much richer than it ever could have been without them.    

What I've Come to Know

I used to believe that satisfaction was found only in the accomplishment of the goal.  I used to think that the annoying person had to stop doing that annoying thing before I could stop being annoyed.  I used to think that I could only relax after I had everything done and I thought it was all about “getting it done”.   I used to believe that I had to “earn” and “prove” myself worthy to anyone who was watching.  I used to believe that I had to “guard myself against” perceived dangers of the world.  I used to believe that unless the people around me did what I expected they should do if they cared about me, that it meant they were disregarding me.  I used to believe that children were to be “raised” by adults.  I used to believe that displays of emotion were irrational and represented instability or weakness.  I used to believe that “I will be happy when”……this or that becomes or happens.  I used to believe that I had to have the physical manifestation of something I wanted that I didn’t have, before I could feel the pleasure of having it.  I used to believe that I had to fulfill some “larger purpose” established by someone outside of me that was already laid out for me before birth.  I used to think that it was the responsibility of those around me to change or to be different before I could see and experience them differently.  Now, I know that satisfaction can be felt all the way to the goal; it’s not the goal so much as the journey to it.  I know that it’s up to me what characteristics about another that I focus upon that I will rendez-vous with.  I know that it’s not about “getting it done”, but rather about having fun and enjoying the ride.  I now know that I was born worthy, with nothing to prove and that the opinion that matters most is my own.  I know that to “guard myself against” perceived dangers only brings more to me that I perceive as dangerous and that nothing can really assert itself onto me; it is all brought to me, by me, through my attention to it.    I now know that I have a point of attraction and whatever I focus upon, I create, and whatever meaning I attach to something is a vibrational set point that I’ve established; that it’s not the responsibility of any other to make me feel “better” and that no one is really “making me feel” a particular way….It is I who is choosing a point of perception and feeling it.  People are in their own vibrational world and we all converge on our points of attraction.  I know that children are born knowing that they are pure positive energy and the Universe revolves around them and that they come forth knowing clearly who they are…something which I am now in the process of remembering and knowing again; that children don’t need to be “raised” by adults, simply encouraged to follow their own guidance.  Now I know that emotions are guidance coming forth from within and indicators of what I’m creating.  I know now that I can be happy “on my way” to things I want that I currently don’t have, and I don’t have to feel the absence of them, even if I’m not living in the manifestation of them right now.  I can feel it now, and that’s what matters most.  I know that everything I want is because I think I’ll feel better when I have it, or I’m experiencing it….so why not feel good right now, rather than wait for the manifestation?  I now know that I create my own reality and that the path was never set forth before me, but rather, that I get to choose and set it forth as I live my life.  It is I, who is setting it forth and Source is fully in agreement with whatever I choose to want.  I now know that no one has to be different before I experience them differently; it is simply a matter of my focus and what aspects of them I choose to activate within me.  That’s what life experience does….it brings me to new conclusions; new understandings; new decisions.  I wouldn’t take any of it back.  I wouldn’t want it to have unfolded in any way differently than it has.  I am happy with where I am, knowing what I know, and knowing that life will continually bring me to new conclusions, new desires, new decisions, and more understanding.  Life is always unfolding and no matter what I live, it’s always to my benefit, no matter how it may look in the moment.  There are rich and deep and meaningful experiences that I am creating constantly, all of them giving me the potential to discover who I really am.

You could be doing the same thing....

Do you ever find yourself criticizing or faulting someone for the very same thing that you do, except maybe you do it in a different way?  A bunch of us were gathered around the other day and some were having a conversation about how different one of the family members was from the rest of the family.  The complaints were that she is too regimented and always has to follow a schedule and everything has to go according to plan.  They feel she is too uptight and too organized and that she doesn’t relax much.  The person that was being discussed was being made out to be different than they are and on some level wrong for being that way and considered an “outsider”.   What they were failing to see was that they offer the same characteristics, only through a different avenue.   They are every bit as organized and “uptight” as she is.  They want a plan and want to follow it through when it comes to eating a particular diet, going for a run, or doing an exercise routine.  They scrutinize everything they eat, and they have to run or cycle a certain amount of kilometers and they have to do it every day or else they’re off their plan.  So they too are very organized, regimented and like things to go according to plan.  It’s just that it’s their way, and so they fail to see that what they are criticizing their family member for, they too are “guilty” of.  She could just as easily and “rightfully” express the same things about them as they are about her.  Either way, it’s the same end of the stick and it’s the same behavior, just outwardly expressed in a different way.  It’s like somebody making a comment about the quality of workmanship going downhill, while not being willing to pay for higher quality workmanship.  Or saying someone is “cheap” because they won’t spend their money on what you would spend your money on; or frivolous because they’ll go out and spend hundreds or thousands of dollars that you would not spend a dime on.  Once again, you’re doing the same thing and you too could be considered or “labeled” either cheap or frivolous, the only difference being that you offer it through a different avenue.  Something I’ve said is, “I don’t know how they drink so much”, referencing someone who drinks what I consider to be a lot of alcohol, but the same thing could easily be said about me and how much water I drink.  We’re both drinking a lot, it’s just that my drink of choice is water, theirs is alcohol.  There’s no right or wrong, we’re both drinking “a lot”.  Or, I’ve heard myself say, “why does he leave that laying around on the floor”, meanwhile I leave things in different places, but I reason in my mind that I’m leaving them there temporarily and I know I intend on cleaning it up, or picking it up.    I often find that if I’m choosing to criticize someone or make them wrong for being a particular way, I can find a way in which I’m offering the same quality that I’m criticizing them for, in some area of my life.  And when I do that, I discover a whole new perspective of that person or situation and a different level of understanding about myself in the process.